Time to bury the mustard seed

[mustardseed]

Goal Check:
Getting my finances under control so I can handle the coming months. My student loans are back in deferment. That saves a huge chunk of money. I canceled the gym membership, all unnecessary subscriptions, and reduced some bills. That gives me a good head start on August bills--by freeing up some July money and reducing August obligations. I applied for unemployment yesterday.

I went for a run today, ran to the gym to cancel the membership, the walked back. Started logging my food again. I am up 5 pounds from a few weeks ago. I am still within my goal range, but at the upper end so I want to get back down.

The house is a bit tidier. H's stuff is all over, even though he seems to have gone through a bunch of stuff, I am sure his mission is to hide stuff from me rather than declutter. His car has become his new office.

[Bob723]

Hey Msd,

Good for you!! Keep it going . . .

Thinking about you.

Bob

[Vanilla]

Msd

I am pleased to hear you have a plan for the Fins, although I guess I am not so keen on you cancelling the gym membership. Is there an alternate to that? A plan to replace it with an alternate exercise?

My H did the same with his stuff, curious huh!

That is why in the end I moved his stuff to a storage container!

V

[mustardseed]

Msd

I am pleased to hear you have a plan for the Fins, although I guess I am not so keen on you cancelling the gym membership. Is there an alternate to that? A plan to replace it with an alternate exercise?

My H did the same with his stuff, curious huh!

That is why in the end I moved his stuff to a storage container!

V

I haven't gone to the gym in a long time so I isn't worth paying for. I was a little concerned since I want to focus on strength training but I can make do with what I have. I would rather do my cardio outdoors.

[Vanilla]

Msd

If you can borrow or beg some kettle balls, they are amazing for strength training.

V

[mustardseed]

Msd

If you can borrow or beg some kettle balls, they are amazing for strength training.

V

I might look into some local thrift shops and see if there anything. I want to start the strong curves program which starts with body weight but then goes into heavy lifting. My gym wasn't great for heavy lifting anyway.But the one by my parents is more complete. I used the one out there more than my home membership.

Yesterday I had a nice fourth of July. My uncles took us out to a really nice late lunch on the water. Then I was heading home so kids could have some time with h. He tested as we were leaving asking what my plans were. I said we were heading home. His reply was ok I'm going out to dinner near. Ugh. So I said. In that case we are going to head back to my parents. The kids were happy. We walked into town with at aunt and my cousin's babies and saw some fireworks. My cousin came by after work and drove the kids back so my aunt and I stopped for a drink then walked back. It ended up being a much nicer July 4 than I expected. but now I wonder what I am in for today. On the Google calendar he is supposed to have the kids. He hasn't mentioned anything. I'm in no rush to get home so he can come get them if he was serious about that. Otherwise we will have another nice day out here. I really don't want to have to compromise with him at all anymore because I end up trying to be fair and he is only looking to screw me over. I don't trust anything about him anymore. I wish he would just disappear so we can move on with our lives.

[Vanilla]

I understand that wish msd, NC so you can get on with your lives.

What a really good 4 July and so full of activities.

Smiling for you

V

[asitis]

And, you can make some crude adjustable KBs and other strength equipment out of black iron pipe with tape for the handle padding. Check out [url=diystrength.com]DIY Strength[/url] and [url=rosstraining.com/blog/]Ross Enamait's Blog on low-tech diy training[/url].

Lot's of good ideas for someone without the cash for a full-blown home gym or gym membership.

[mustardseed]

And, you can make some crude adjustable KBs and other strength equipment out of black iron pipe with tape for the handle padding. Check out [url=diystrength.com]DIY Strength[/url] and [url=rosstraining.com/blog/]Ross Enamait's Blog on low-tech diy training[/url].

Lot's of good ideas for someone without the cash for a full-blown home gym or gym membership.

OOO i'll have to check that out.

I'm home now. He had a question about the bills. I answered, then I found out he was asking because he was again trying to accuse me of taking more money from him then needed. So I pulled up my budget software and outlined the averages for all of the family expenses from last year--when he was giving me money towards them. I showed him how much we each contributed. I wrote it all out for him. And I was angry because all of that time when I took over the finances, and before BD he pretended he was on the same page as me. Never wanted me to explain even though I continuously tried to have a conversation to make sure we he was aware of where the dollar amount I was taking from him came from, but he never wanted to know, always said he trusted me. But today, because I asked him for money to cover the on demand purchases he made and to cover half of the kids instrument rental payment.

So I wrote it all out for him. And when I had a question for him--again, avoiding to answer, walked away, told me he was tired and wanted to go to bed. I always feel so violated when he does that. Why do I always answer him? And why is it so easy for him to not answer me? So he won again. I'm in tears and feel manipulated.

[asitis]

Because you depend on him for financial support & that makes you feel obliged? Because having your trustworthiness called into question is a really big deal for you?

I hate being wrongly judged. In my case, it grows out of my parents treating my younger brother and I very differently in certain ways, and also because they assumed that if my younger brother got into it with me it was always assumed to be my fault. Judging me wrong triggers me every time. Really, really hard to control reacting and responding to it.

See anything like that in your childhood about trustworthiness and your parents? If not, then I suspect it is just the feeling obliged because of the differential power on the finances.

[censored], but until you rectify that situation, you'll probably struggle to not respond. Don't beat yourself up over it. It's hard to stop. I also don't see that much harm in it.

If you want, we could rehearse some possible replies?