I'm here again

[bravo61]

glad to hear it. i guess it was the context because you followed up the statements with a "but".

keep doing what works!

[Hopeful321]

I guess nothing last forever.

Last Friday my H and I went to a birthday party and had a good time. We even spent the whole weekend together and that went well as well. Then I don't know what happened. He became very distant with me. We had a marriage therapy appointment together this past Thursday, however, he asked to go by himself and I agreed. We were suppose to meet the Friday after that for happy hour and canceled on me. Today I found out the counselor told do not have contact with me while he figuring out what he wants. It's hurt but I told him that I would honor that. I don't know what happened. We were having a good time and then bam I feel like I am back at day one. I can't stop crying and feeling so depressed. I know I need to get a life, but that is easier said then done.

[Hopeful321]

OK. Let me try this again. I typed several paragraphs and lost.

I don't understand why the counselor told him not have any contact with because it may muddy the waters. But a few weeks ago she wanted him to move back in. I don't get it. I see her this coming up Tuesday and I plan on addressing the issue with her.

So this is my third day without any contact what so ever. I am trying not to think about him, but I can't help it. I wonder if he is missing me at all or does he care. I get my D back tonight so this up coming week will be focused on her.

His brother told me just be patient with him. His family is really upset that he is doing this. They don't understand what he is thinking.

I have fallen into a deep depression and taking my meds. I can't wait for them get completely into my system. I am taking some for anxiety as well.

I am not sure how much more I can handle.

[Hopeful321]

H sent me an email on Wednesday to say hi and see how I was doing. He also told me that he paid for our D activity fees for the month of July. I replied back just with a thank you.

So, this morning I received a text from him this morning inviting me to dinner because his sister was in town. I accepted. I am nervous because it's like my first date. And I guess I am confused because Sunday he told me that the counselor said no contact and then he is inviting me a family dinner. They all know that we are separated.

I am going with flow. But I am scared that I don't know how to make conversation with him.

[Hopeful321]

Well, last night was very stressful for me. We were with his family and he was kinda ignoring me. I had made two unnecessary
comments to him in front of his family and when I caught him alone I apologized to him and he smiled and said that he accepted.

He dropped my D and myself off at our house and I asked if he was coming over for the 4th July fireworks and he said he had plans. He looked at me and said don't work, it's not with a female and I asked then who with. He gave me a funny look and I said I am still your wife. So he told me it was with some female and her husband that they worked with. I told him that he can tell our D that he won't be here. And he did, and she broke down and started to cry. She said Daddy I love you, but you are breaking my heart. Well then that broke my heart. It's like his heart is like ice towards me and our D.

I am not sure how more of this I can handle before I say f*&%$ it and file the paperwork.

I talked to him later and asked what he was thinking and he said what do you mean and I asked if was thinking about coming back or a divorce. He replied but and I said I don't know what I want right now.

He did tell me since I don't trust him 100% that was an issue for him. Well, he cheated on me several times and what does he expect. I reminded him what the therapist said about when he moved back in that he did not do his part and without him doing him part, the trust would not come back.

He was the one that ran the marriage in the ditch, why is it my responsibility to pull it out by myself?

[Sotto]

Well, last night was very stressful for me. We were with his family and he was kinda ignoring me. I had made two unnecessary comments to him in front of his family and when I caught him alone I apologized to him and he smiled and said that he accepted.

He dropped my D and myself off at our house and I asked if he was coming over for the 4th July fireworks and he said he had plans. He looked at me and said don't work, it's not with a female and I asked then who with. He gave me a funny look and I said I am still your wife. So he told me it was with some female and her husband that they worked with. I told him that he can tell our D that he won't be here. And he did, and she broke down and started to cry. She said Daddy I love you, but you are breaking my heart. Well then that broke my heart. It's like his heart is like ice towards me and our D.

I am not sure how more of this I can handle before I say f*&%$ it and file the paperwork.

I talked to him later and asked what he was thinking and he said what do you mean and I asked if was thinking about coming back or a divorce. He replied but and I said I don't know what I want right now.

He did tell me since I don't trust him 100% that was an issue for him. Well, he cheated on me several times and what does he expect. I reminded him what the therapist said about when he moved back in that he did not do his part and without him doing him part, the trust would not come back.

He was the one that ran the marriage in the ditch, why is it my responsibility to pull it out by myself?

Hi Hopeful, looking through your post above, you are doing lots of things (I highlighted them) that are contrary to DB advice. Pursuit and pressure. Have you read DB and DR?? If not, it would be a good idea and may help your approach.

From what you post, your H isn't 'in' right now and I think you need to detach and live your own life until/unless that changes. Sorry you are finding things so touch and take care x

[Hopeful321]

Toots,

I know I did a lot of backsliding last night and I let me emotions get the best of me. Everything that you highlighted I knew it was wrong as soon as it came out of my mouth.

I was doing great this past week until he called and invited us to dinner with his family. My gut told me not to go, but I was told he was reaching out and then I should go. I guess I need to listen to my gut more.

And you are right, he is not ready.

Thank you for replying. I really appreciate it.

[Hopeful321]

Toots,

I know I did a lot of backsliding last night and I let me emotions get the best of me. Everything that you highlighted I knew it was wrong as soon as it came out of my mouth.

I was doing great this past week until he called and invited us to dinner with his family. My gut told me not to go, but I was told he was reaching out and then I should go. I guess I need to listen to my gut more.

And you are right, he is not ready.

Thank you for replying. I really appreciate it.

[Hopeful321]

Glad this day is over with. Despite being disappointed that my H chose to be with his friends instead of his family, my D still had a good time.

I am not a very patient person, so how does someone learn to be patient?

I feel like I am just existing. It hurts so much and I feel like there is only one way to make it stop.

[Sotto]

Hi hopeful - I think it's a bit like watching a kettle boil or paint dry. If you sit there and watch and watch and watch, it will seem like the longest time.

However, if you move away and do other things, you don't even notice how long the paint is taking to dry. The shift in focus is key. If we are focused on WAS all or much of the time, it is like watching the paint dry - excruciating!

However, if we have managed to shift our focus on to other things, it is far easier to bear the fact that nothing is (or appears to be) shifting within our sitch. So, on that note - putting your H to one side - what lovely plans are you making for yourself in coming months my friend??

xx