Little Cloud of Dust - PigPen & The WAW (3)

[Fogg]

He shook my hand, said, "Congratulations" and told me to be a bit more careful. If there's one of many positive things that have come of my sitch it's the knowledge that I will never wake up hungover again, and will never worry about what's in my system when I get behind the wheel.

Definitely something to be proud of, regardless of what happens with your M. You're doing whats best for you and that's something to be admired.

Good cop. I had a similar experience. One night after I found some troubling info about W on her FB I had to leave house, heartbroken. Went to one of the parking lots at a local park and just sat there for a while. 15 mins or so later a cop puts his lights on me. Comes up and asks me what I was doing, just told him I just needed a place to park and think. He asked if I had a bad day and the tears just started flowing again and told him my W wanted a D and is having an A. He said a few nice words and just asked me to move to the Meijers parking lot.

But yeah, be careful driving lol. It can get you in trouble.

[asitis]

Wow, you acted like a human. You allowed painful feelings to be expressed. Turn in your man card, you have risen to being a full-fledged human being.

What happened wasn't negative. Don't view your sitch that way. Just as w/ spouse, business partnerships are relationships inn which you struggle and adapt/negotiate.

[PigPen]

Thanks guys, I'm ever vigilant behind the wheel now. I believe in the law of threes and know that I've had two run ins in the last 48 hours in a car. The last thing I need to have right now is an accident or hurt someone. That'd be the icing on the cake.

Today is a tough one, I woke up with a huge knot in my chest and then proceeded to journal it out through a ton of tears. It's truly like something has taken over my body that I have no control of. Nothing happened to trigger it, I imagine it may just be the stress of the last week between my W, my partner, and getting sick. I miss my dog like crazy too. My W has had him for 3 months and I haven't pushed it to get him back. When I did bring it up in an email she didn't respond. I let it go.

It's challenging for me to be at work as there are photos of my W around - group photos so I can't take them down - and I feel her energy in the walls. She was a big part of it from the beginning and a week ago we celebrated our 6th anniversary, the first one without her. I've also felt the tension between myself and my partner and know that now it will be even more palpable after yesterday's disagreement. It feels like my little apartment is the only safe place right now but I know I can't hide out here from the world. Life has to go on.

I keep trying to focus on the fact that W and I are going to sit down next week for the first time in over 3 months. Crazy to believe. I'm equal parts excited to see her, equal parts uncomfortable with it as it's going to be a challenging conversation and it seems like at the end of each of our interactions since the day she left I'm more disappointed or upset. I know that comes from having an expectation and then having that expectation not met.

That's the challenge this week - detachment from an outcome. From any outcome other than peace within myself, but that doesn't seem to be coming in any form that I can recognize just yet. It feels like the opposite is happening - less peace, more turmoil. Maybe that's just part of the process to get to the other side. It feels like this whole journey is going to end up breaking me today, not the other way around.

People keep giving me the butterfly metaphor, and yes, intellectually I understand it. I'm goo. Got it. You can't get to the butterfly part without the goo part. Got that too. I'm just getting tired of being goo.

Sorry for the downer post, it's an uphill fight today.

[Wonka]

PP,

Interesting how the Universe works to aid us. Those incidents are the Universe's messages to slow down and pay attention. You're doing good. Yeah, we all have had those types of experiences one way or another.

In fact, TWO days ago I was driving a road that I've driven on for most of my adult life. Got flagged by a cop who tells me I was driving 40 mph on a 30 mph road. He was a kind cop and just gave me a warning to be careful.

P.S. Just saw your recent post. Yeah, we all have really down moments. Let them wash over you. Tomorrow will be a better day. FYI, Ms. Wonka and I did many dog switcheroos which were used to show my changes. Something to think about...hmmmm.

[PigPen]

Thanks Wonka, the cop's exact words were "Just slow it down a bit ok?"

I missed that he might have just been an angel dropping by my situation.

[PigPen]

Hmmmmm....is right Wonka. My W has stated that she wants to keep the dog, I have said the same. We also agreed that whoever ended up in the better situation for him would keep him. I'm on an acre of land, she's in a condo.

She also said that co-parenting wasn't a good option as he needs consistency. He's a dog btw. We found him eating a diaper on the beach in South America. Him eating twice a day is as much consistency as he needs.

That being said, my thought was to use trading him back and forth as some meeting times. When I dropped him off last I had his collar switched to her phone number, had his nails clipped, and had put his tick meds on the week before. She sent me a text after saying that she never would have thought to switch the collar and how much she appreciated it.

I've been holding off on bringing it up so as not to rock the boat but have read on here "What's the worst she'll do, leave you?" if I upset her. That ship sailed six months ago.

It might be good for her to have some time without him too to realize that life isn't going to be perfect if we get D.

My DB Coach said to use it as an opportunity for collaboration rather than an insistence. Not sure of the timing of bringing it up with the upcoming counseling session.

Any thoughts on that Wonka? Let things lie low till after that?

I should add that the last time we spoke about him (early June) I asked her to keep him for one more month so there would a natural change over with the new month coming.

[Wonka]

I would hold off on wanting to see the dog until after you have had your first MC session. Right now, you two need space and calm waters.

Ms. Wonka and I did the dog switcheroo every month or so. We lived 6 hours apart at that time.

[Vanilla]

PP

Dogs are dogs, they neither know or understand consistency.

For heavens sake they like bones and fox pooh. And food twice a day? pure luxury.

Rides in cars? What fun.

New places to sniff and explore? Loving it, but hey Mr woof will be so keen whenever.

Take your time.

A talking point with WAW? Gotta go do it.

V

[Bob723]

I would hold off on wanting to see the dog until after you have had your first MC session. Right now, you two need space and calm waters.

Hi PigPen,

I finally had a chance to catch up with your last few days. Wow, I truly believe the cop was an angel checking in on you.

I'm sure you can guess why I quoted Wonka's sentences above. You got it...please listen to her.

I'm so happy that you were able to let your feelings out. You are g-r-o-w-i-n-g.

Your friend,

Bob

[PigPen]

Thank you Wonka and V!! Much love to you both.

I bit my tongue with the consistency comment. We both live in vacation destinations and if our poor pup has to be shuttled back and forth between the two, lord knows what might happen. He might start acting up at school and eating less of his organic food.

The horror.

I'll let it go until after the MC, I don't want her walking into that upset with me for any reason.