Woke this morning and again W told me how grateful she was that we put a new resume together. She gave me a hug and a kiss and thanked me again. It made me feel good to see her happy.
Told me that she felt better about her job search and applied for a few more jobs this morning before she left for work. She also apologized for how tense she has been lately and that she no longer wants to work full time.
She used to only work 4 days a week now they are changing this to 5 days a week.
W told me she feels incredibly guilty about working full time and not helping S13 with school, etc. Since her income is supplemental I told her that this would not be an issue.
W told me this morning that on Sunday she has reached out to my sisters and have invited them over to our house for a get together for the 4th of July. It surprised me that she took this initiative, but thought it was a great idea. We usually hang out at the MIL house so this was a bit of surprise.
W also asked that me go to a work friend's engagement party in a few weeks without the kids. Agreed to this since it was some guaranteed kid free time.
W was getting anxious so she left and told me she would pick me up tonight to go workout.
Like I have been saying I have been having more conversations with her that we have in ages. Have to keep telling myself to not get too high or low and just take it day by day.
She's playing you, and totally cake-eating. If she won't let you see her phone or email, then you basically have your answer on whether or not she's still cheating on you. This supplicating, give-her-a-hug, help-her-with-her-resume and listen to her like her gay boyfriend thing is NOT the way to re-attract her!
I appreciate your advice and opinion. I am not going to rationalize my actions or provide justification for same.
It has been a week since I have been back at this board. You are saying that by my listening and helping my W I am doing nothing to improve my situation or gain respect or attraction in her eyes.
I am not trying to say your opinion is wrong, but if one of our issues was lack of communication and then W starts communicating isn't that a positive? Or is the view that until she provides complete transparency it is all BS?
It seems that some threads say that you should be the best H you can be that only a fool would leave while others say you should detach.
Am I not doing worse by not communicating with her? If I turn my back on this doesn't that prove that she is right?
I am not trying to start a fight or tell someone they are wrong. It is just after reading a lot of these posts it seems like people are on both sides. It really makes my head hurt.
It's not being the best H you can be. It's GAL'ing to be the best MAN you can be that only a fool would leave. That is doing things to change yourself and has nothing to do with detaching. Detaching is to stop pursuing your W like a puppy dog begging for attention. Both can be done at the same time.
You need to GAL to re-attract her but also to build your confidence and move yourself to a better place emotionally.
Detaching is also a tool to re-attract. As strange as it may seem by not pursuing your W creates a void in your direction that she will fill by pursuing you. It may take time but it does happen.
Why is she not letting you see the emails or phone records? That is a big red flag that she IS hiding something to rock her cake-eating world.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
The W did show me her phone account and her Hotmail account. Nothing was there or out of the ordinary. She will not let me look at her AA email account that she emails her sponsors etc. When I press her she tells me that this personal.
Maybe get a compromise. Ask to just see WHO she is corresponding with in that AA email account for now. The content is only important in the OM emails.
Last edited by mvgfwd2; 06/30/1512:57 PM.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
I am going to discuss this with her tonight. She was working on her job search and somehow stumbled upon this site - forgot to clear my history. Sometimes I am an airhead.
Maybe get a compromise. Ask to just see WHO she is corresponding with in that AA email account for now. The content is only important in the OM emails.
I appreciate your advice and opinion. I am not going to rationalize my actions or provide justification for same.
It has been a week since I have been back at this board. You are saying that by my listening and helping my W I am doing nothing to improve my situation or gain respect or attraction in her eyes.
I am not trying to say your opinion is wrong, but if one of our issues was lack of communication and then W starts communicating isn't that a positive? Or is the view that until she provides complete transparency it is all BS?
It seems that some threads say that you should be the best H you can be that only a fool would leave while others say you should detach.
Am I not doing worse by not communicating with her? If I turn my back on this doesn't that prove that she is right?
I am not trying to start a fight or tell someone they are wrong. It is just after reading a lot of these posts it seems like people are on both sides. It really makes my head hurt.
Head hurting or not I do appreciate your advice.
I know this can seem confusing.
It depends on what you know, and what she KNOWS that you know. When a woman is cheating, and her husband knows, and she KNOWS that he knows, the entire dynamic necessarily changes. She will see you as WEAK if you do all the normal validating, hugging, do-more-around-the-house stuff that might otherwise be called for in a situation where the spouse isn't wayward.
(see Sandi's excellent threads for husbands of Wayward Wives)
Even worse, I see her intentionally playing you with a lot of her tactics, and when you CONTINUE to respond with even more of the BFF stuff, it's just enabling her cake-eating and she's no doubt thinking "Sad seems OK with all of this, in fact he seems to be vying for my attention and affection. I have him firmly in 'Plan B' territory, where I want him while I see how things progress (or not) with OM."
I of course could be wrong, but her secrecy is a huge red flag.
