I want space is a mixed up message. You give her space she pursues. You move closer she pushes away. Madness but I think asitis has hit the nail on the head.
IMO if she's pushing the 'I need space' line but at the same time wanting face to face talks I'd just let her have her space. See how it develops.
Peace
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Here's the killer for me, "I want space" but then When space Is given I've lost hope or I don't care.
All I can say is which of those options would you prefer? I think the latter is soooo much better than the former. Just don't confuse this form of pursuit with her not still needing space. She likely does. She also may be worrying you won't be where she left you. Either way, she's having to face the pain of the possible collapse of your M. That's what you were doing and she didn't have to before. Now she does. Nothing but good can come from that.
See what she does (not says - does) now. I expect some mixed messages and perhaps some come here - go away behavior. But ultimately hopefully you will soon see some more consistent pursuit behavior going on.
Hang tight. I see a lot of progress in your sitch.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
I got the "I need you to completely let me go" followed a week later by "I can tell that you've moved on and are happier without me."
Facepalm. Yep, seven days after begging you not to leave I had moved on and in fact, was happier. I'll be at my Sociopath's Anonymous Meeting if you need me.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
W came out, brushed the dogs and chatted about misc stuff, took a walk, still mainly small talk. Sat on the deck, she was pretty quiet, I kept the convo going. Talked a little about our sitch, she doesn't know still. Said she doesn't know now if she is taking the furniture, doesn't know if her sister is moving out. She isn't going to therapy, she can't afford it. I mentioned that I was still willing to go to couples therapy but I didn't push it. My insurance will cover that. She was crying most of the last 4o minutes or so. She asked for a hug before leaving. She broke down and left bawling. I think I did well, I was expecting her to talk a little more about what's bothering her. I'm guessing I'll get a text later with a little substance. That has been the pattern so far.
W- I just want to do what's right, it has to be for the right reasons, I'm sorry I can't fix this now. If you can't wait just tell me, I'll understand.
You've got a lot of positives going on, but don't talk about the sitch or feel you need to keep the conversation going. Just sit with her. Give her the silences where you are with her. She may be trying to figure out how to approach you, and you go and disrupt her train of thought with your keeping the convo going. Allow what feel like painful silences to hang there. She may get more from just your presence than anything you say.
Respect her silences. Allow them to happen. If it takes a more selfish analogy, think of the advice in negotiations (like buying a car): he who talks first loses. Being there and waiting for her to fill the silence sends a powerful message. It says you are ready to listen and follow her lead. Allow that beautiful moment to bloom. Then listen, validate, and consider.
I'm not saying you screwed up. It sounds like you had some progress. Now, let it develop, and patiently wait for her to open up by not filling in those silences with chatter. You are there. Just be there.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
Oh, and I've gotten the "I'll understand if you need something else" message. Don't bite that hook. It is a hook. Can I count on you to be there despite the test I'm putting you through? Or, will you please be the bad guy to cut the cord. Don't be either. The former is please help me by proving that I'm worth loving. The latter is take the burden of having to feel the pain of cutting the cord between us so that it is easy to walk away. Neither are good moves for you.
Me: 50 W:43 S6, S3 M: 12 yrs. T: 17 M is bad & Not happy Bomb Mar '14 S 5 Feb '15 D Bomb 13 Apr '15 (but "no hurry") DB Coach May '15 Wants proceed on D Aug '15 Starting 1-on-1 negotiations Sept '15
