I struggle with moving thing and have gone over it in my head over and over again. I don't want my S13/D9 to suffer due to the decisions of the W. If am there with them they get the love and attention they are accustomed to and deserve. If one of us leaves S13 will go in a tail spin. When I left he did not sleep until I returned.
When I first visited here in 12 I was a lousy dad obsessed with his career. Now I am so much more involved with their care that I am the primary care giver - not keeping score just stating that due to W's work schedule more the kids stuff is on me.
W called and asked if I could take her to a medical consultation and go shopping for her cousin's wedding present. Due to the procedure she cannot drive and our parents are still working. Part of me wanted to say why don't you have the OM come and pick you up?
I agreed to take her since every other ride fell through apparently. I can't help feeling kind of a lap dog, I should be like you made the decision that I am not good enough for you how dare you ask for help. Go f*ck yourself.
Cheer up. GAL'ing makes your life better with or without the W. Drop the "Sad" in WI and become "Awesome" in WI. Be the H that W would be a fool to not join in your future. That's why my handle is Moving Forward. It's what I am now. Not stuck in the stupid past. And I chose it because it is a non-stop attitude. Your feelings of sadness are new. Once you get a handle on the GAL'ing that will change.
Be Strong
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
S13 was in another rage moment when I came home. Tension in the house was bad until I had a chance to calm him down and talk with him. He is writing on FB that we are getting a D. Told him that mom and dad love him very much.
W again wanted me to sit down with her and talk. She is tired of her job and wants to do something else like open a hobby farm and is talking about us having this when we retire. I keep validating her feelings and have to take a big sip of STFU juice b/c nothing has been resolved with the EA and the OM. It is the 500 pound elephant in the room.
After my S13's tantrum I was spent so I simply sat and let her talk. W said that we have do more talking in the last two days than we have in a long time.
Spent the day with the W today before and after her medical appointment. Had a decent time and went out for lunch. Said she wished we had more weddings to go to since we have spent 2 of the 3 last Fridays together hanging out. Talked a lot about job, kids and hobby farm.
We had a wedding to attend this weekend 2.5 hours from our home. W keeps checking phone and I think it it with OM but I can't be sure.
W has been talking this weekend about unhappy she is with her job. She could quit her job and it would not hurt us financially much. She feels like she is no longer involved with the kids and this bothers her.
Tonight I am dealing with crabby drunk. I was really having a good time at the wedding and enjoyed hanging out with W's relatives that I had no seen in ages. When she could barely walk decided it was time to go.
I am trying to stay positive so that I can remain strong and not backslide. For my positives I have started another fitness program that I like and think I can continue on. When W wants to talk I am trying to validate her. I am trying not to snoop and keep my focus on me and not her and OM.
S13 and W were fighting on they way home from the wedding, I was trying to be the peacemaker but they kept going at it. I have always tried to take the position that she is your mom and that you should respect her, but tonight I just gave up.
They fought until she passed out and fell asleep.
I continue to tell myself to be the best H that I can be that any W would be a fool to leave. And I know that I have to keep on being the best dad that I can be.
W told me that she no longer was talking to the OM however she would not let me look at her email so I think she is lying.
She continue to wear her ring and wants us to do more stuff together. If she was doing the opposite I could understand, however how she is acting really confuses me. Sorry for the rambling.
Trip back home was pretty uneventful although W has been stating that her current job is makin her unhappy and has been for months. She stated that it took her a few months to figure this out and that is why she did not tell me.
After we took D9 to the pool we revised her resume and put together a nice cover letter. W thanked me multiple times and gave me a hug.
W applied for a few more jobs and we talked some more about jobs.
