mahhhty, it is difficult. She's made a commitment, but we're still at the point before actions. That is a difficult spot. I'm ready to get started and move forward. She is still moving slow. Tough times.
She did end up calling tonight. Seemed like maybe she used my son forgetting something here as an excuse, because she was on the phone talking with me the entire time, not him. I don't know. Back to folding laundry and organizing the house more!
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Being detached is required to get our heads right. But I think it teaches us to be oblivious. In your stories your W has repeatedly looked to you for security, strength, grace and ideas of how to move forward. She has reservations about this path (as do you), but she is calling you (and you are picking up, and maybe even sometimes happy to talk to her).
Try not to judge if she is moving fast or slow enough for you. When you were young and courting, it was always about making the next time more fun, and not about the destination. Do that, think that way. Make each time a little more fun, a couple more laughs, a few more smiles, and perhaps even being a little closer to each other.
You are on the right track. Just take it one step at a time.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
If I ever get out east, you and I are having a beer. Maybe even get a Jeep hammock for each to drink from. If you haven't seen one, they look like fun. Might be rough since I measure in at 6'1" though...
Wise words as always. So much growth in you, and I'm jealous!
You are right about the detachment. That, after the initial phase of learning to detach, was such an easier place to be in than opening up and letting her back in. It's actually thrown me a little off track across the board. Been working hard on getting caught back up.
She did talk about stress with finances where she is realizing she cannot do this alone. I supported and tried to strengthen her. I did make sure to put some smiles and jokes in as well. Got a couple text messages from her later that were joking as well.
This is so much different than when we were courting. She pursued me HARD. I didn't realize she was chasing me until someone made me look and see. I'll focus on what you and Wonka have told me: be a friend, but a subtly flirtatious friend.
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
If I ever get out east, you and I are having a beer. Maybe even get a Jeep hammock for each to drink from. If you haven't seen one, they look like fun. Might be rough since I measure in at 6'1" though...
Come on over... 4x4, hammocks, and beer sound like a great summer get away!
Keep on keeping on!
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Interesting night again last night. Got a phone call out of the blue. It was allegedly to have S5 tell me he did a cannonball in FIL's pool. Funny that it ended up being her and I speaking for 20 minutes, about random things, on a video call. Within the conversation she brought up coming and staying a weekend with he and I, saying it was because he wanted her to see all the fun things he and daddy does. We did get to practice a little bit of problem solving, and I was flexible and showing her that I'm willing to be open and flexible.
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Mahhhty, didn't see your post before I posted. I exclusively hammock camp nowadays. Jungle hammock, tree straps, and hammock tarp all day.That describes our camping trips to a tee, since a close friend of mine also has a Wrangler (TJ). Constantly gives me crap about my JK having a V6 instead of the, admittedly, beautiful inline 6. Dispersed camping with the Jeeps, hammocks, and pony in the cooler...So fun.
Two hour video call tonight with no pretense of me speaking with S5. We talked at length about the problems of the marriage with me validating the whole way. She looked to me for leadership, and I responded. "We are a great team" was said by her and agreed upon by me. I was able to use Words of Affirmation, her primary language, a lot.
She has the fear still, and i validated and stepped towards her by admitting that I'm scared too, BUT I'm willing to commit regardless of the fear. I tried to follow as Starsky suggested and helped to reaffirm the difference between feelings and the decision, which she said she has made. I was apologized, again, for what she did to me, and I told her thank you and that I have already forgiven her.
We also spoke about the technicalities, again, of a move back to the house, and there was even some future talk about where else we could live after selling this house. I got asked how long we would need before to stop the divorce proceedings, if we are both feeling it is all going well.
She: 1. Doesn't want to get divorced, 2. She doesn't want to have S5 live in two homes with two separate holidays, 3. Reaffirmed the commitment to working on things, 4. Is coming down next weekend to spend the weekend with me and S5.
As far as the R: We did a lot of agreeing, I made her laugh quite a bit, and we're making plans on how to move forward, I feel more confident.
M: 8.5 T:10 Me:37 W:34 S:6
Retrouvaille and W moves back- 7/31/15 Piecing - 7/4/15 to present
Just remember to look into Retrouaville when you get the chance. It seemed to work in Cali's situation and I think you two would benefit from it as well.
I have not followed your sitch ... but reading that last post I would absolutely request Retrouvaille. I admittedly was hesitant as my W had not really shown she was 'all in' but it was extremely powerful and could help you both really get down and do some serious work.
If you have any questions I would be glad to answer ... good luck.
"As far as the R: We did a lot of agreeing, I made her laugh quite a bit, and we're making plans on how to move forward, I feel more confident."
My Man. I couldn't be happier for you. This took me back to our previous conversation.... Keep making her smile and laugh, a little more every time. I'm so happy for you.
So so happy for you... Oh wait I said that already.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
