What do I do?

[Starsky309]

I tell her all the time that she is beautiful and that I am lucky to have her as my W. Always compliment her on her dress. Maybe I am not answering the question.

You feeding her ego ... especially while she is goo-goo-ga-ga over OM and his amazing arms she is dreaming about being is is NOT going to attract her to you.

Now you being confident, firm in your boundaries ... might piss her off ... but she will respect you for it, no woman is attracted to a man she does not respect.

x 2. Supplication is NOT attractive.


Starsky

[Starsky309]

The W pays for her own phone and the internet, although I could be a dick be a strong man and protect my home and fight for my marriage and change the password for the router

There. Fixed ^ it for you.

[Sad in WI]

I have changed the router password, but she can still access email on her phone, but at least I am showing her that this behavior is not being condoned by me in our home, make it harder at least.

Right now though she is not respecting my boundaries and my only solution to this in my head is - "Ok you keep talking to OM - this bothers me and you tell me nothing is going on."

Here are my choices as I see them:

We can stay under the same roof for a time while we sort the D details out. We will provide for the children, but I will not have any intimate contact with you while you continue on with the OM with the EA and become more detached. OR

I do not want to live like this so I must walk away. I have a house I can stay at rent free for as long as I want. I will care for the kids.

If I go out and sign a lease I can't pay the mortgage and the house will be foreclosed. OR

I can tell her she is no longer welcome in our home as long as the EA continues with the OM.

At this point she has agreed to a MC that is it, am I missing something in this approach?

[mvgfwd2]

For a GAL activity you could straighten up your financial management activities. You will need this not only to re-attract your W but also if things go the other way. Poor money management may be one of the things that grinds her. Like she's bailing you out all the time. Time to fix that, pronto.

[Sad in WI]

Great Idea and something easy to do. Thanks for the suggestion.

[Sad in WI]

I have been looking over my posts that few days and would like to truly thank you all for your input. I really appreciate you all do for a stranger.

[mvgfwd2]

Try Financial Peace University to get yourself squared up on money matters. Your library should have a copy.

[Sad in WI]

Is that the Dave Ramsey book there are a few books with that title.

[Sotto]

I think there is a 3rd option - tell your W that if she wants to continue, she'll need to find herself a new place to live. Why should you have to move out? I moved out when my H admitted his A (and wanted to continue it) but the advice on this forum tends to be don't move out.

That said - in house S whilst your W is having an A is NOT easy. Diffrent in Newcomers has done this, as has U turn and Rai.

Take care and keep posting - you're doing really well...

[mvgfwd2]

yes, Ramsey is the one I know. But there are plenty of other good books on the subject too. I like the Ramsey one because it is also a 9 week course that you can take with your W. That could be a great way to come together and work as a team. Puts the future focus on the family goals and away from distractions like the OM.