Hahaha. Nan is very wise! Thanks V. I bet I would have liked hanging out with her.
Just got back from drinks with X-FIL and Co. We had fun.
I realize this concept (DB) only works if I provide the space for her to come back on her own. Pursuit by me is futile. The next piece I need to fully accept is to stop mind-reading.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
To your question... I'm just wondering how she would view it, bc early on she felt her family sided with me (she told me many times that she lost her voice). But that is her cross to bear. I'm not trying to get closer to her family or to play her family in anyway, to get closer to her. I'm just choosing to hang out with people I care about.
Does that make sense?
Hey Mahhhty,
Sounds great, may I please join you for the steaks? Between my children and me, I promise we won't eat more than half a dozen.
Yes, it does make perfect sense. Now I understand why you were wondering what your EX thought about it.
Again, Happy Father's Day. Good luck with the swingset.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Bob - Happy Father's Day! Your steak was done by you weren't here so I ate it. Maybe next time. You definitely got some good feedback from Sandi the last couple days. I too read many things that brought a new light to my situation or challenged my thinking. Thats the benefit of experience & education I guess.
V - Black & Blue is delicious, have you ever tried gorgonzola on a steak? Thats my favorite but blue cheese is a close second!
Lost - I love that you stopped by to wish me a Happy Fathers Day... Thank you. But I'd love to get a better understanding where you are and how your doing?
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Father's Day was good. Slightly hectic. Spent two days working on the kids new playground. We were mostly rained out today, so I played with the kids all morning. We made the both Grandfather's Father's Day Cards. Played many different games. Did some laundry as a group & even some cleaning.
Twice randomly throughout the day my D came to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. Both times when asked why, she said "Just Cause." I love that. I love the relationship I have focused on and helped nurture with my kids in light of this tragedy. I still maintain that this will not be my life's defining moment.
On the other end, the X has been odd on the nightly calls (I thought I heard her crying last night), and when we talked today she didn't even wish me a Happy Father's Day.
I came up to speed on Bob's thread today (its sooo hard to stay up to speed on that thing, he flies through pages and pages in just a couple days... Good job Bob!). In doing so I saw some notable quotes I copied over from Sandi.... In my mind these quotes/comments solidify the idea that although she left and was the driving force to getting divorced, I believe she holds me accountable as "the reason."
"It has been my experience, while sticking around the boards these past eight years, and reading this type of emotional, radical, wide swing shots that could be summed up and put in a thimble, by saying you are the reason for all the wrongs in her life. But instead of dealing with it like mature, rational person would do........ she uses you for the scape goat. She feels that relieves her of the sin or responsibility. She believes you deserve to be the one they make accountable, not her.
The icing on the cake is when she comes back around to ask you to gather, pack, and deliver her things. Of course you feel setup! I believe anytime a WW is vicious in one message and blaming it on everyone except owning her behavior, then the next message will be her requesting you give of your time to go through her things and pick out the designated items and package them to mail.........I think it is much like preparing a goose for dinner. First you slay him, then buttering him up real good, and then turn up the heat....
This seems to be very common with WW's. IMHO, it is b/c of their self-centerness and putting themselves and their needs first. They believe they deserve to get everything (b/c of the years they had to put up with the H, and this is their time to be happy, etc.), regardless of the strain it makes for the H. Rarely will a WW think fairly, b/c she can't rationalize. It may sound perfectly logical to her ears, but that's b/c she is seeing how much she will benefit from it. "
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
Bob - Happy Father's Day! Your steak was done by you weren't here so I ate it. Maybe next time. You definitely got some good feedback from Sandi the last couple days. I too read many things that brought a new light to my situation or challenged my thinking. Thats the benefit of experience & education I guess.
Mahhhty,
Next time for sure! It sounds like you had a nice Father's Day. Good for you!
Yes, Sandi has stepped up big-time.
Take care my friend -
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Sounds like you had a pretty decent Father's Day. I was worried about how I would deal with the holiday personally, but it sounds like you and I had similar days. It strikes me as somewhat strange that X did not wish you a happy father's day, but it could just be that it is a painful reminder for her as well. It is nice to read the stories about your daughter - I can relate in that my relationship with my son has grown stronger since the whole situation began. I'm glad that you can see the positive through everything, it is a quality in you that I envy greatly.
Your friend, ship
Me 23, Her 21 1S 2 M <1yr, T 7 WAW: She moved out 11/15/2014 She started D process 1/29/15
Finishing up a 9 day stint with the kids. I'd be lying to say that I am not drained, after putting together that playground and then just being outnumbered. But we have had a lot of fun. I'm planning on some grilling tonight to let the kids play on the playground and hopefully taking them out in the kids kayak tomorrow night. My PMA has been much better lately, and it will be good all weekend (as I'm going kayaking). GAL is a little low. I've been beat and haven't been working out. I need to get back on the wagon.
I hope everyone out there is doing well! Keep DB'ing.
Me: 32 W: 29 T:8 M: 6 D4 S2 M - 8/2008 W is not happy - 1/2014 W wants D - 9/2014 W moved out - 11/2014 D filed - 1/23/2015 D'ed - 2/25/2015 Gave X the Letter - 11/10/2015
