Moving on, back in the UK. Now what? (Smothy 6)

[Huddy]

Very confusing. He needs to say the D is off, otherwise, you just have to act like it's going to happen.

[Smothy]

Need advice, vets please help. I can't get an appointment with my DB coach until next Tuesday.

[Pyrite]

bump - sorry to soon anyway. How are you Smothy.

Cadet, Wonka, Sandi, Hello. swearing may get you [censored] noticed.

talk to me Smothy, rant - it might help, although 2.15 AM here, and after a week with kids, so I might pass out

[Pyrite]

wow - it automatically censored- no moderators needed

[Cadet]

If the OW is still in the picture then this is all about Cake eating.
He wants you and doesn't want you,
he wants her and doesn't want her.

Not a great way to have a relationship.

I would say that if the OW is gone then he is trying to reconnect.
However either way you need to be priority #1,
not just plan B.
Plan B will fail within time.
That is not what you want.

Maybe someone else will explain it better.

If your DB coach has other advice - then listen to him.

[Pyrite]

thanks Cadet

[Pyrite]

so Cadet - should Smothy actively block his affections with a boundary?

[Cadet]

My guess is that it is a pursuit and distance thing.

If Smoothy pursues he will distance but if the pursuit stops then he will pursue.

I think you want him to keep pursuing YOU.
Not distancing.

The boundary would be if Smoothy is being HURT by this pursuit.
A boundary is to protect ourselves, not punishment or manipulation.

[Pyrite]

not punishment or manipulation

sums it up for me.

but he has been pursuing before Smothy really had the chance to do pursue/distance - this is what makes me think he is just doing it for his own conscience. And indeed Smothy shouldn't facilitate that - yeah?

Would stopping him in his tracks be wrong or counter productive, if this is indeed him trying to reconnect? Keep in mind he has just taken her to court.

[Cadet]

Cake-Eating

Not sure if this might help.

Some powerful vets theory on the subject.
Butterflymom reconciled with Myfavoriteweirdo.
Jack3Beans reconciled
BrandnewDay reconciled
PDT reconciled
SGC is another mod.