Looking inside

[CaliGuy]

M

Yeah ... the eyes .. I remember looking at her sometimes and no one was home, like a shell ... and I thought too possible drugs, my W is all sorts of prude-ish and I could not imagine .. then again never imagine the Affair either so I decided if she did .. she did ... her deal but yeah its creepy that total disconnect they are capable of.

Yeah I get the Fathers day things ... I am not expecting anything, we went to a mission last weekend to 'celebrate' as W and I will be at that Retrouvaille thing this weekend.. Today is our Anniversary (got it right this yeah ... lmao) .... I was not going to say anything .. but she did bring it up just a little bit ago .. again I only told her I thought about it this morning but did not really go much further, its our 15th ... should be a big deal but with everything its really just another day, saves me from buying some crazy gift ... so all good.

[job]

If you do anything for Father's Day, then let the card and maybe a nice drawing from your son be his gift to his father. Your son could always make him something and give it to him versus purchasing something.

Any way, about the behavior, that is very typical of the MLCer. They get antsy, can't concentrate, can't look you in the eye and yes, the eyes look like shark eyes w/no sparkle. As they say, the eyes are the window to one's soul...well, right now, his soul is very dark w/MLC issues.

I use to think it was drug use as well, but so many of them behave this way, it's become something of normal behavior for someone experiencing a crisis.

How are the little fur babies?

[mleigh4]

Ok you guys made me feel a lot better! I think H is way too smart to get tied up with drugs, but you never know. Shark eyes sure describes it. Sometimes he just looks....so not here! How sad, to be so empty and lost. To not be able to see the love and possibilities right in front of you......your child that looks up to you....very sad.

Fathers Day will be about S and H. Nothing to do with me.

Cali, it's your anniversary? You are handling it much better than me. But sounds like you are handling it well. Hard to celebrate our marriage these days, right? So ya, for now, it's just another day. I believe some great celebrations are in the future for you though, and whoever she may be is a lucky girl

Hi Job! The fur babies are doing great. The dog and cat have become so attached to each other, it's really cute. But cat is boss! I got this great memory foam bed for dog, pretty big because she is. (Black lab) Well, I have a great picture of cat sprawled out on the bed sleeping right in the middle, and dog sleeping on the floor next to it. Lol. Dog is very patient with the queen!

[mleigh4]

Happy Saturday. As you know, I have been putting all my energy (and some savings!) lately into my yard. It is looking beautiful and has truly become my place of Zen. S is enjoying it too, we have spent every night outside this week. I ordered my finishing touches this morning, some solar powered string lights to hang across the fence. Got a great deal on Amazon! Also got a chandelier type thing with a flameless candle to hang in my canopy. That should do it, set for summer parties!

This morning I was sitting outside drinking my coffee and enjoying the yard and sound of the birds. Very peaceful. Our yard has no real fence, just a wrought iron fence around our deck to keep dog in. It's a normal neighborhood,our yards are all connected but open to each other's, only separated by trees and landscaping. So we get deer and creatures through our yard all the time. So All of a sudden, a deer goes running through with my cat chasing after it. I cracked up, Job, I know you will appreciate that. My cat is crazy.


Me and my 3 close girlfriends have planned a weekend in the end of July to come to my town, spend the day wine tasting and come back to my place for the night. "Girl party" as my son calls it. Can't wait!

At drop off to H Thursday night, H said he made plans with his dad and sister (drug addict sister) to have brunch. He asked if he could take S and I said of course. Poor S told me he does not want to go, says he just wants to give H his gift and stay home, says H is not fun. I told him H loves him very much, just to go for him and make the best of it, just a couple of hours. I am honestly surprised H even wants to go, he is not close with either sister, this one is particularly strange, thought he would plan something fun for S and him, but his circus! I am just so glad I don't have to be a part of it!

S and I however are going today to see new Disney movie, then more outside time. We have brownies to make H, they are his favorite. Gonna be a fun day for us

[2BHappy]

M4, your garden sounds wonderful.

I want to do something in my yard, but I have no clue.

Have a great weekend

[mleigh4]

Hi 2B. When you go places that you enjoy, what are the surroundings like? What makes you feel relaxed? Plants, flowers, water features, cactus, gardening and growing veggies....whatever that is, that is what you could put in your yard

So a little vent time. My heart is beating so hard it feels like it's going to burst out of my chest. H made plans for brunch with his dad and sister and asked to take S. Even though it's my day with S, it's Fathers Day, so of course that is fine. So H and his dad show up to pickup S. S was in tears shortly before pick up, he didn't want to go. But I perked him back up, reminded him it's Fathers Day and to go as a thank you to daddy for all he does for him.

So, This is my first issue. I have planned Fathers Day festivities for these 2 men (H and his dad) for 13 years of my life and neither one invited me today. Granted, I would not have gone, and I know things are different now, I guess it's the principal of it? I can't lie, it stung a bit.

So they left and I planned my day around S being gone for a few hours. So, a few hours later, I get text that they are heading back and that H plans on hanging with S a bit longer, maybe going to swim at his dad's house and asked if I wanted to go.

Now granted, I KNOW this is Fathers Day, but it is also my custody day. After tonight, I won't see him until Tuesday night. I am trying really hard to be considerate, but that is REALLY hard to do with a selfish MLC spouse. Really hard for me these days.

So I replied that I will pass on swimming, but that S and I had plans tonight and that he had only mentioned brunch....

So he of course threw the Fathers Day card at me and said he figured I would know he wanted him for the day.

I responded I totally get it being Fathers Day, but that he figured wrong, he had only mentioned brunch. I said in the future we need to be specific and communicate our plans because that is the way custody works and that is how it is now.

I have dinner in the crock pot for S and I, I was looking forward to our afternoon, so I'm not too happy right now. I keep reminding myself.....dignity and grace.....it's Fathers Day.......class and grace. That's the girl I want to be. Guess I should have seen this coming, then I wouldn't feel so disappointed

The right thing to do? I am thinking to keep my mouth shut, let them have their day being the day it is. Someone please remind me why we have to always do the "right thing" while our spouse gets to run around living life day to day in their own little selfish world? Because I could really go for my own selfish little fit right now!

[mleigh4]

Feeling much better. Decided to let it go. Was all set to relax, poured myself a glass of chardonnay, got my book, and then got a text from H. Says we should discuss 50/50 custody if he has to ask permission to have S on Fathers Day. I replied that of course he should have S today, I just didn't realize he meant the whole day and that we need to communicate that kind of stuff. But I said sure, let's talk if you want to. I said we could even make it legal. Truth is, he never keeps to his schedule, I always accommodate for my son. Would love to have him give his excuses of running late and early morning meetings to the court!

Anyway, he just responded that they were on their way home. So he hung out for a bit during drop off, casual, nothing more mentioned.

So I just went in my bathroom and there is a note:

"Word gets around. I'm surprised, but I guess I shouldn't be"

I knew it. Friend told someone he stayed over and it got to H. And now it looks like something it wasn't. Believe me, it wasn't! Not even close.

So I just tested H "???" He replied "yep, ???"

I think I will just let it go, not going to play games. First of all, he left and we are separated. Technically I can do whatever I want. That being said, I have done nothing for almost 2 years, since BD, not even a date. H should know me better than that.

I had to deal with movie tickets and restaurants, a hotel on his credit card. Even finding women's boots in my house while I had moved out. I figure, let him imagine what he wants, to know how it feels.

Job, help, you are always my reason. Do I let this go and not bite?

[mleigh4]

Ok, I just replied, "hmmmm I have an idea what is on your mind, but if you want to know you should really just ask. You know me better than that, and it's not what you think, but I do know the feeling"

I will leave it at that.

[job]

Don't take the bait. You did nothing wrong and quite frankly it's none of his business what you are doing w/your life. The only thing he needs to worry about is his son, child support, visitation and finances. You are separated...it's none of his business. He's not sharing w/you what he's doing at his place when your son isn't there...is he?

[mleigh4]

I didn't expect a reply from you so fast! No, I agree, it's none of his business and almost regret even responding to his note at all. One of these days I will learn to let things sit before I react, I am getting better but still need work there.

On the other hand, I do care what he thinks, even though I shouldn't. I really don't want anyone thinking something happened between friend and I. Yuk, talk about a step down.

Job, as always you are right, what I do is none of his business. No further comments or explanations will be made. I said what I had to say. Can you imagine how he would react if the tables were turned here? I would most likely have gotten no response. But I do feel better giving a response instead of ignoring, that's not me.

I am really ready for a new day! Today was pretty crappy.