Jim0987 #14 - due for another upgrade soon

[jim0987]

Hi all.

Quick update as I'm overseas again with work.

I asked my XW if I could see the kids this morning as its father's day. She agreed and I had a couple of hours at the park with them. It was nice but both the kids were in a 'I want mummy' mood which is heartbreaking for me.

OM1 was introduced and from D4s perspective it went well as she told me all about him and his flat in London.

When I dropped the kids back we had a chat that went along the lines of

J: I'm glad the introduction went well, D4 seems to like him

XW: she's only met him once

J: well it seems like it went OK and he makes you happy which is the important thing.

At that point S2 said bye daddy and started closing the door on me. (Even when he's throwing me out he's very cute)

When I got back to mine I sent her a text thanking her for sorting out the father's day card and present from the kids and also saying (because I know how much she misses her dad) that I know its not the easiest day for her and that I hope she has a nice time with the kids.

There's no way I didn't come across as a hurt and sad about the developments but at the same time it's also clear I'm getting on with my life.

She made her choice and that's it really.

So that leads me onto Toots reflecting a question back at me. How do I feel about divorce. Inevitable is the short answer.

How do I feel about my wife. Well I still love her, as much as the day I married her. And I'm sad that I don't get share my life with her but I also recognise that she is happier this way and all I wanted was for her to be happy so I can be at peace with what's happened even if I don't like it.

I had my chance and for all the whys and where fors, for 4 years she was miserable and felt alone. Whether all of it was my fault or none of it, doesn't actually matter as what she felt is how she felt. And she wanted out.

All i can do now is accept that, and live my life accordingly.

Second best is that she lives a long and happy life with OM1 and that he is a good stepdad to my kids. I may or may not meet someone new but I will be OK regardless.

So onward is all I can do and I'm slowly figuring out the positives in that.

So turns out not as quick an update as I thought.

Have a good evening all

[rd500]

Hi Jim. You did really well mate. I can't really comment on kids merging OM other than say you hsndle it really well.

Tough time for you but you sound ok As for meeting someone else , your only a young man and you have a long future ahead of you. Life will be good again and Jim will be happy


Take care. Rd

[jim0987]

Good morning from a sunny UK.

More drama this week but 90% of it is in my reactions. On Tuesday I got a message from XW asking if I was overseas as she had been taken to hospital.

I was but am not sure how she knew this??? Anyway I was on my way back and so told her what time I'd be home and offered any support she needed. I got a short response about 4 hours later saying she was home and the kids were safe.

Ive heard nothing from her since though have the texted once each day to offer well wishes and see if she needs anything. The kids nursery said she was still unwell on Thursday. Anyway I think the silence is a pretty clear message. I do hope she is better and its nothing serious.

D4 has continued to talk about OM1's flat and 'mummy kissing him' which is always unpleasant to hear about, but again reaffirms where I am in my situation.

I also found out some stuff yesterday about D4s induction for starting school which my XW has known about for a while but not mentioned. I'll admit I'm annoyed by this just as I was when She gave me permission to be involved on D4s first day of school. It's feels like she doesn't feel she has to communicate with me at all except when she wants me to do something for her. I wonder if I should be doing something different but then remember patientmans posts about conducting yourself how you wish to be regardless of the reaction you get.

So away from my situation I've just been really busy with work but I'm making progress on a lot of things which always feels good, I've also started tackling some of the HR things I've been avoiding - not fun but needs doing.

I've got the kids this weekend and we've got quite a few things planned so come Sunday night I would expect to be shattered.

So overall nothings changed but I'm feeling a bit worn down by it all at the moment, but at the same time I'm actually OK.

Have a nice weekend

[Sotto]

Jim, that sounds like a bit of a rough week. I'm sorry to hear that my friend.....

It's a little odd that your W would tell you she's in hospital, receive texts of concern from you and just not reply. I can see it must feel disheartening. But I would stay steady in your course and see it as the natural ebb and flow within your sitch. There will come a time when your W will respond more warmly again I'm sure.

Sounds like she has had a pretty rough time of it, so I hope she feels better soon. When you see her, I would ignore the fact she never responded and just say you were sorry to hear she wasn't well and hope all is better now.

We all have these downer phases. Everything sounds rosy with OM, she's being cool with you and so on. But we all know that these sitches can turn in a moment.....but it's long haul stuff. The whole 'it's a marathon' thing can sound a bit trite when you consider the reality of slogging through as you are doing. I admire you Jim - and someone out there is going to be very lucky to share your life in future. I hope that is your W....but there is a good life ahead for you I'm sure.

Sorry you are dealing with some HR stuff (I work in HR!!!) Hope things go as smoothly as they can for you. And I hope you have a lovely weekend too - sunshine and little ones - a lovely mix....picnic in the park anyone??

xx

[rd500]

Hi Jim. Tough to hear about D re OM stuff. Best to put that out of your mind as best you can

W texting you about hospital was a strange one Seems the connection between you both is there for her but buried deep

Re W and OM seem g rosy , last night I was watching a film with D14'and S16 and surfing the net I was reading about women that leave their husbands for OM
Their were about 10 women posting about thier new lives and 7 of them weren't happy and wanted home but still loved OM , 2 of them were very happy with OM but wished they had tried harder to save their M and only one who thought she had done the right thing and even she advised a newcomer to try everything to fix her M before she left for OM

I took from the website that nothing is as it seems when it comes down t it

I once read a quote from a guy on death row. He said he would do anything to change his sitch but it was what is was and he had to get on with it.

Who know if your W is feeling this way or not ? positive thought for the day, maybe she is !!!

I'm head of HR in my company but also head of sweeping floors !!! ! Sweeping the floors is easier !!

Good to see you posting mate.

Take care. Rd

[Vanilla]

Jim

Have you got an online calendar?

Wouldn't the first day at school be on it?

V

[jim0987]

Hi all.

Im not feeling too down just a bit bashed around emotionally. I'll see XW tonight so will ask how she is doing then, hopefully she is better and it was nothing serious.

As for why she told me, my take is that she only said anything because she thought she might need me to look after the kids for a bit. I bet I was still considered in the negative for out of the country though. :p

V, Ive had the first day of school booked off work since way before BD, not a chance was I not going to be there to take my little girl to school for the first time. I was upset that XW thought she got decide my involvement in key events in my kids life - it reflects that XW and I have been very different on these things. I would say I have been very open and considerate with everything to do with the kids.

I suggested a shared online calendar, got crickets.

HR stuff is one of those things when you have staff. It has to be done but is never pleasant. Generally with a grievance I find the person complaining is actually the problem. It must be enormously frustrating for HR people to have this stuff everyday.

Have a good day all

[Vanilla]

Thanks for the clarification Jim.

V

[Mozza]

Hi jim0987,

Just a quick hello to say that I've caught up with your sitch. It has been a rough couple of weeks. As we always say, it's a marathon and we need to focus on ourselves. Didn't you mention something about dating a while back?

[Dawn70]

Hi jim! Just wanted to pop in and offer my hugs and support. Sorry you have had a rough go emotionally. Hang in there. Thinking of you and your children. Molly sends a wag your way.