Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Flying back to the UK tomorrow. Trying not to think about it too much.
I just need to say to myself, PMA PMA PMA and No expectations.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
You're welcome Smothy, and you have the perfect attitude.
I'll dedicate a prayer for you tonight.
Chin up...you can do this.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Thank you all. A little stress to be truthful, had very poor sleep in the last few days.
Texted H to tell him flight details etc. H texted back immediately, saying have a safe journey ending with a smiley face. I just text back thank you.
How a little smiley face can cause so much emotion.
Detach, No expectations.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
What ups and downs yesterday. I don't know where I am going now. I feel uncomfortable/ awkward in my own house. Lots of things happened yesterday and finding it difficult to make sense of it all.
Sorry, long post.
Firstly, H texts to say he may not pick me up as he has a bad back but DS will. I say ok and hope it feels better. He then text to tell me he has a hot water bottle on it and will try and come to the airport.
H and DS are are the airport, DS gives me flowers and hugs and kisses me. Awkward brief/ pat hug from H, he turns he face fully away from me. DS tells me the flowers were daddy's idea when we are walking back to the car.
On the way home, focussed on DS lots of chatting about his plans for the summer, kept up the PMA with questions from both DS and H about me, flight etc. Chatty but did not ask any personal questions just a general 'how is your work going?
I am sitting at the back of the car leaning in the middle to see the road, H sitting in the front, grabs my hand and really squeezes it tight and says how good it was to have me home! This lasted for 15 seconds. Continue to chat, asking me things like what did I like to eat etc when I got back, sorry the house is a mess, he couldn't tidy up because of his back. I validated what he said and had a PMA throughout.
H pours me a glass of wine when we get home and proceeds to get dinner. It is clear from his movements he is in a lot of pain. So I ask him if I can do anything, he was saying no it ok but conceded to let me get him a hot water bottle. Calls me, darling several times in our interactions and conversations.This is what he normally calls me. I did not react to it and carried on as normal. Should I say so something?
H wanted to set up my iPad with all the new changes so I give it to him, noticed later messages was open on it? He shows me something on it and without thinking went and sat next to him and was almost snuggling before I remembered and pulled away.
Moved back away and show DS and I, something on his iPad and asks me can I see from the there (the other side of the sofa.) continued together as DS has now gone to his room.
Sat on the lounge and continued to general chit chat (I had friendly neighbour, PMA on my mind the whole time). In the kitchen he gave me a big hug, held me and said how lovely it was to have me at home, we then proceeded to have dinner. Did everything we normally do, even Grace. Chatted and ate dinner as a family, no negatives, laughing, joking, etc. DS leaves the table to play the piano (something I haven't heard him do for a long a time) I had to leave the room was quite choked up.
Cleared table and stacked dishwasher (made no comment) this was one of H big complaint is my control of the way it is stacked, what to put into it. A big 180.
Feeling quite tearful now as we were acting so normal towards each other I went upstairs to have a good cry. Sobbed my heart out, heard H knock at the door but told him I was having a shower. Lost it here, after all my PMA I did not want H to hear this.
Showered came downstairs and H we continued chatting. Talked about DS most of the time. H then told me he heard me crying. He said he understood it was hard for me to do this emotionally and physically. I didn't know what to say. I just said I was feeling very tired. H was laying on the sofa at this point because of his back.
I asked him if I could have a hug and we gave each other a hug and he apologised for not hugging me at the airport properly as he had a bad back and couldn't bend down. We talked about how long I had left before I went to Shanghai, and he told me again how pleased he was I was home. We needed to sort out how to approach this, I agreed here.
Talked a little about what he got up to, he asked about me. Chatted about the challenges of working abroad. Decided to have early night. Carried his iPad and hot water bottle to his room. I have the Master bedroom. Turned to leave and he gave me another hug and held me for a little longer. Said good night, hesitation on both our parts.
After sleeping for a little while, I went downstairs to sort the post (jet lag) also 6 months of letters to sort. H comes down asks me how I am, gets a glass of water and touches me on the arm and walks out. We are both very tactile when it came to our M.
I don't know what to make of this. He was like this prior or dropping the BD on me. Do I continue with this? broach the subject of out relationship?
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
Whoa - i think weaned a vet here right now! Calling all vets.
My amateur take is this - I got a lot of this in the 1st three weeks after BD. That is why I thought going home would be like heading back to ground zero and replaying the whole thing.
However, you both have the advantage of time having passed in between. For you I think this means you can play your cards a whole lot better. I honestly dont think anything so far suggests anything different than you already know - D. Step back to make room for him to step forward. Good work with the dishwasher issue. These "little" things will make a difference in showing him that you have changed.
I envy you not having the usual BD scenario of frantic anger, begging etc. But this does seem exactly like post BD interaction, just calmer. Take advantage of that to show him your growth.
I thought the message was going to be a private message for you to read, without your son over-hearing? mustn't have been.
Again. Calling all vets - Sandi, 25, Cadet, MrBond, Wonka et al.
keep calm. relaxed. DB your arse off.
(((Smothy))).
-Py
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
Thank you, Py. Just posted today's shenanigans on the new thread.
I did all the begging, crying etc over FT. It is hard to have us being so tactile and not have any Expectations. h even stroked my hand today.
I am calling my DB coach tomorrow as I don't know what I am suppose to do to move forward. I do to want to make him stop reaching out for me.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
