Well its been a busy couple of weeks and will be for the next couple as well which amongst everything else has meant very little time awake and on my own which meabs I've not had a chance to check the boards. I will try to see what I've missed when I get a chance.
A few things to update on from me.
Well I had started to suspect all was not rosy in OM land for XW but turns out I was way off as she has decided to introduce him to the kids. We agreed that we would tell each other before doing something like that and she kept up her end by texting me last night.
I won't pretend otherwise it was like a gut punch, but that's because I'd allowed my hope to grow. Ruined my mood for a few hours even though I was in a restaurant with old and very good friends.
I replied with a 'thank you for telling me, I hope it goes well'
It reminded me its not what I want in The slightest and has made me want to tell her that, to tell her how much I still love her but equally I know that doesn't do anyone any good and it certainly won't stop her progressing her R with OM1 or encourage her to want to reconcile with me. So I won't be saying anymore to her than I have already.
All I can do is move on.
So on that line the me based update. Well I aced the exam, though people seemed disappointed I didn't get full marks. It raised some personal questions for me as once again it was something where I really could have tried a lot harder but didnt. This makes no sense as the only person that has any impact on is me.
It's like I don't try so I have an excuse if I fail or so I can act all nonchalant if I pass. I love the fact I can just wing everything but I'm getting annoyed that I'll still do that even when it makes no sense to - its something I'm trying to explore with my IC
My holiday with the kids was amazing. I loved having them for so much time (13 of 15 nights) and it really helped my bond with them both. Really tiring though. It was strange to spend that much time with my dad though but was a good case study in NVC - hyper vigilant wounded jackal would be a good description of my dad as standard. But rather than annoyance I felt more sympathy for him about it and got a better sense of where its all coming from.
Anyway so its all been good until I got the update from XW but I realise that any hurt I feel is only because I was duped by my own hope and expectation. I need to put that aside and get on with the show.
I do miss her enormously though.
Take care all
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Jim!! Been thinking about you - my most local DB buddy. I'm sorry to hear about W - that's a tough one. But who knows how things are going with OM?? He may be in no way ready for step-parenting & run a mile! As you wisely say - you can only keep moving forward. Mr Bond recently posted that his W didn't speak civilly to him for a long time, and there was OP involved. But they ultimately R. Made me think of your sitch & wonder if reading his threads may help you?
Your exam comments made me think of Brene Brown! Daring greatly doesn't come without risk of failure. Have you read her stuff or seen the TED talks? When I was working & studying, I sometimes did just enough to pass. There's only so much of us to go around and we can't give our all to everything.
Good job with the trip & your Dad BTW! If you're looking for me, I decided to post in midlife crisis for my new thread....
Take care lovely Jim!! ((((Jim))))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
So its been quite the emotionally draining week....
I'll keep this short but XW has said she is introducing OM1 to the kids on Saturday and she has taken her profile of the dating site, so assumption is its going well. She did acknowledge that she knows it hurts me which is something I guess. She hasn't noticed that she seems to have picked the weekend of father's day for the introduction.
A couple of exchanges since which have been more cordial and chatty still short but different from silence. If I had to guess I would say that having properly told me she can be more open (her last exchange included that she was on her way back from London which is where OM lives) and that helps her relax a bit.
On Monday I was at a work thing and sat next to me was my XF who I haven't seen in about 6 years. Let's just say it was odd. I apologised to her for hurting her in the way I did and said I was glad she was happy now. We had a brief chat and I found it tricky.
I now have over a week until I see the kids again which is hard.
So all in all pretty tricky emotionally.
Oh and foo fighters got cancelled which upsets my plans for the weekend significantly.
All said and done though I don't feel too bad just a bit sad. Will be fine by Monday and I'm being outwardly positive in the meantime.
Have a good evening folks
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Jim, I'm sorry to hear about this weekend - that's hard. And tough that it all happens when you are without the kids for a week and it is Father's Day too. This is where I wish I could give you a call and take you off down to the pub for a drink and a good old chat...Hopefully you'll come up with a nice little plan for the weekend, despite the circumstances.
As you say, things may be on an 'up' phase with your W and OM just now. But it wasn't long ago that she was seeking to date - so my guess is things may be quite fragile.
It's good that your W is more open I think. A fragile trust perhaps. But that may be something to build on. Thanks for posting on my thread, and for your question - it's much appreciated. Can I ask the same question back? How do you feel about it??
Take care Jim - and keep posting (((Jim)))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
The news from your WW are really painful and I think you did a amazing job in your response, like RD said, you showed her real maturity.
On the success stories, there is one that always comes back to me. About this guy that stayed friends with you WAW, and even when she moved in with OM, he helped with the moving. Many times, his WW would call him asking for small favors, and with time it became more frequently.
The story has a happy end for him. His WW got tired of the OM, after awhile the routine started to rotten the hot romance, and she tough that it would be better to stay in a safe port.
Since BD, people tell me some crazy stories, some people I even know. Just last week, a couple that have been divorced for 5 years, decided to get married again.
So, who knows, everything is possible. Now, congrats for not letting it all get to you so deep that will leave you paralyzed.
You are doing your GAL, making yourself better and growing your knowledge no matter if with A's or a little less then that.
Perfectionism does not translate happiness, so relax and let it go, you are doing great.
It's nice you can understand and be closer to your Dad, it means a lot to you and will probably means even more to him.
Have a nice weekend, will be thinking of you and sending you peace in your heart. Keep making your life better. You never know who could be landing on your path.
Very magnanimous with your reply Jim. I don't think I could have done that just yet even with my new found detachment.
Originally Posted By: jim0987
... It raised some personal questions for me as once again it was something where I really could have tried a lot harder but didn't. This makes no sense as the only person that has any impact on is me.
It's like I don't try so I have an excuse if I fail or so I can act all nonchalant if I pass. I love the fact I can just wing everything but I'm getting annoyed that I'll still do that even when it makes no sense to - its something I'm trying to explore with my IC.
Now this, I can totally relate to and I've also been discussing it with my IC, although I need to find a new one now as that paid for course has finished.
Why is it that I don't try? Fear of failure? Fear of success? Fear of being found out that I'm a fraud? Fear of not being good enough? A combination of all of these and more?
It's good to hear you had a good time with your kids. Mine help me enormously. I wish I cold see them more than once a fortnight.
M: 57 / EW: 52 T: 21, M: 8 S: 18, S: 15 Bomb: 1 Jun 14 EA Aug 2014 I think PA Feb 2015 possibly sooner
