Hi E, been absolutely crazy busy and that is a great problem to have. Lots of Me time this weekend. Also had niece stay with us for couple of days so that was fun. Never brushed a little girls hair before, and her's was bad so I got to learn a little too
I feel great about where I am right now. I have felt more calm over last couple of weeks than in years. The more I rely on myself for my needs, the more I feel I don't need as much. no $hit, it is kinda nuts how that is working. On a side note, the wife has been more and more of a participant in all of our lives, the more I progress down my road. She has done chores in the last week I swear she had absolutely refused to do on principal over last half decade (it is just the way it felt). Thursday I went out basically all evening, got home after 10 and she had cleaned the kitchen AND baked some banana bread (I had mentioned earlier the day before that I thought the bananas had just about had it, so she made banana bread - NOT A NORMAL INSTANCE in the Zephyr household. In general in the interactions between us, it has felt more like she has wanted to be there, instead of somewhere else, IDK...just a real sense on my part.
That was just one instance, and I am trying not to focus too much on that stuff, cause there there is other stuff too, but I will hold off on that once we have more available data to evaluate.
Another weird one...last night watching TV after GameofThrones finished and an A. Madison add came on the TV. i'd never heard of it before and apparently neither had W. She asked what the Eff that was so I looked it up. I told her it was a website to help arrange discrete encounters for married folks. She called the concept 'disgusting'. Who knows if that was actual sentiment or a smoke screen...just thought it was odd is all.
I need to get back to work. Thank you so much for checking in...I actually feel rather bad for not posting more, it has been almost impossible to carve out enough time to really keep up with everyone and check in with them. so I will hopefully try to find some extra time this week!!!
Are you zen because your W SEEMS to be coming around or is the calm there regardless? You do seem to be in a good place mentally and the signs from your W are positive.
I don't know enough to judge how things are really but I will urge you to stick with what you are doing. Apparently we will not need to look for signs when W is really back. We will know. Just a reminder of what you know.
I am glad you are in a good place. What had changed since your recent post knocking yourself for having false hope?
I am not trying to rain on your parade, just trying to understand. Hopefully my questions don't vex you.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Zephyr, I am so glad that you are in a better place right now and are so busy in a good way. I agree with roiste in continuing on doing what you are doing. It's working well for you.
Don't feel bad about not posting, just glad you're doing well!
*hugs* E
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
I know I am still not out of the woods with my enmeshment with wife. I have no illusions in that. I am getting there and even when there are off days with her and my interactions I have still been able to remain on keel... Mostly. So to answer your question...my better place, lot of just me and definitely being helped out by positive interactions with W. It dies make me feel better when we have really good days together.
There are a couple of things that still get me like when she shuts her screen off when I walk into a room. Doesn't happen too often actually more rare and rare...but it still drops my positivity a bit.
As for the no hope post...that was more or less, some over reacting to a bad couple of sleeps for me. This has been q long road and I do get frustrated and weary from time to time.
The reality of things is that I am getting better and that is a good start. Thank you for your honest questions...id rather that then not.
Yeah being tired definitely affects how we see things. Good to recognise that too.
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
"There are a couple of things that still get me like when she shuts her screen off when I walk into a room. Doesn't happen too often actually more rare and rare...but it still drops my positivity a bit."
I can't stand having him invite me to watch tv with him and then he's on the phone the entire time texting. Most of the time, I ignore it and just enjoy what we're watching. But it does make my PMA harder.
*hugs*
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
Getting better is always a good thing, it takes time for us to process and change our habits. I got this book recently on detachment that I'm giving a try. Let Go Now: Embracing Detachment. The book suggests reading 1 mediation each day(200 different meditations) and thinking about it over the course of a day.
I'm giving it a try since I understand detachment is such a long process this may be the best way to do it, slow and steady. Thought I'd let you know since you asked about it in my thread before.
Keep moving forward
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
