Accepting my reality of what my life will be like back in the UK has made me anxious today. It is the last week of school, no kids, summer school is over, just 'admin' so have lots of time on my hands to ruminate.
I am looking at some sites on active listening as I know it is one thing with validation that I am poor at. I will keep this at the forefront of my mind when dealing with H.
H has always thought I put my friends first by going out, socialising etc. This was one reason for him taking me off FB as he said he didn't want to see me drunk with other male friends.
A question I have is how do I GAL and 180 on this without just staying at home.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
i have no idea.I don't think you have to do a180 on everything. where do you stop. i gather the line has to be somewhere around the things that make you Smothy. In a healthy way. Did you go out before to get drunk and forget about your life or responsibilities. Did you go out to meet strangers in bars etc? Or was it to socialise with friends?
Maybe I should shave my legs, dress for "success" and call myself Pyrena, now thats a 180 I gotta see
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
Hi Smothy! Not sure I've ever posted to your thread. Sometimes it's hard to sync up with you European folks' schedules.
Regarding your question on GAL above, what kinds of things did you do before with your friends? Maybe you can try other activities - instead of a bar, do a book club or painting night or whatever. Maybe try something with fixed end times so aren't out so late and you can know when to be back?
I never been to bars to meet strangers etc. always out socialising with friends, dinners, out for a drink, friends house. Getting drunk was part of the socialising, having a fun time not to forget about responsibilities. More to enjoy free time and de stress.
Matt, thank you for advice, I have set up several meet up groups for things I never done before. However, a lot of my time will be reconnecting with friends as before, so will not be a 180.
DS has now I formed me H is not going abroad for work after all.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
I don't think anybody can really hold a grudge against people going out and having some fun.......unless you happen to be my W, who is tripping that I am planning a night out soon. I though she didn't want to be with me?
So, if H isn't going away, will he come and meet you at airport?
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
Hi Huddy, both DS and H are picking me up at airport.
Had a bit of set back yesterday, a bit of a cry then went and did an hour of exercise.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
I posted this on Py's thread. It's the way I am feeling right now.
I believe my H isn't a bad person. I thinks he hurts tremendously too. H told a mutual friend he needs this D for him. However they ask/ seek to turn their backs on a M hurts.
Reality of a D hurts, they didn't care/ love enough to do this. Though, H did tell me I would, for the second part of my life be better off without him. How does he know, what crystal ball does he have? I hate this. Would be easier for me to move on if he died.
Sorry, Py. I didn't want to sound bitter. These days are getting harder not easier. Can feel the anxiety again, after finding some peace and sleeping for more than 4 hours a night, I now feel the urge to reach out to him before I see him at the airport. We have not spoken since the first week of April. Sleepless nights, again.
Both 47 M 20 T25 S 18 EA July 11- Jan 12. ILYBNILWY Oct EA April 13 -July 13 Move to work abroad Sept 14 re establish contact with OW while away D bomb 22/12/14 D filed papers served 17/03/15
hey Smoth, my W says that as well. I'll b better off..... in some ways I am already, in others I will be, is it for the best? well, maybe it is - even if the only reason is that in 5 years I was M to a woman who didn't want he M 100%.
Don't be sorry. I am sorry for you. Because of your sitch you are being dragged back in to ground zero. Dont be scared. You've seen it all before. Even if you flashback to BD and it starts from the beginning again, it will not be as bad as the first time and it will not last for as long. You will get through this.
I hope it works out for you, and if it doesn't it goes well enough that you are not dragged down. But just know that we are here for you. perhaps little comfort physically, but spiritually we are. there will be another side.
You will be in India in how long?
M: 6 T: 12 Kids: 2,4 BD: Jan 2015 S: Feb 2015 EA/PA confirmed: Feb2015/Mar2015
Reality of a D hurts, they didn't care/ love enough to do this. Though, H did tell me I would, for the second part of my life be better off without him. How does he know, what crystal ball does he have? I hate this. Would be easier for me to move on if he died.
Hi Smothy,
How are you feeling today? Any better? My W told me the same thing some time ago -- that I'll be better off without her. I also wondered what crystal ball she had.
See, it must be a part of our S justifying their decision so THEY won't have to feel guilty about the choice they made.
Try to keep a PMA. I know, it is not easy. But it will help you thru these rough times.
Who knows what will happen tomorrow?
*Hugs*
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
