In which I'm feeling lost, but will perservere

[Elly4]

First thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2526046#Post2526046

Second thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2556592&page=1

Third thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2556680&page=1

Fourth thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2569946#Post2569946

[Elly4]

So, I've been lost, my IC says I'm unregulated atm, forgetting to self care, be on here, so on...so I want to be unlost...

So, first step, I'll talk about everything that has been going on and then let it go and move on. Or at least try to. Ever notice how it's easier to help others than yourself.

In September of last year, I was diagnosed with Sjogrens, (an autoimmune disease), in October, my grandmother passed away which was tough for me as she was my last blood, older relative, no parents or grandparents now. Two weeks later, my H for 17 years and best friend for 23 did the BD. In December, I realized that I needed to go back to full time work in the fall of 2015 and not be a SAHM anymore, started DBing, and steps in the R were taken that are listed in my signature.

In more recent times, my 3 year old is in the process of being diagnosed with either being on the spectrum or having a sensory processing issue, while being a genius, my Sjogrens has progressed, I had my first job interview since 1997, and I have had to deal this weekend with inlaws that my husband can't stand (His dad and stepmom), and the ones he likes (his mom and stepdad) are coming up next weekend, my sister was diagnosed with epilepsy, and I have no clue what to do for Father's Day.

And then he puts his ring back on the last few days, only to take it off again last night when the inlaws left. Oh, and my IC thinks someone of my anxiety might be rooted back to abuse in my childhood during summers.

I'm not lost, I think I'm drowning. But the fact that I'm on here babbling means, to me at least, that I'm coming out of the funk...I think.

[Elly4]

And I screwed up my link section on the first post! Cadet, is there any chance you can fix it for me? Meant to put up my last thread but apparently pasted the first three again and I can't edit it.

[Bob723]

Ever notice how it's easier to help others than yourself?

I'm not lost, I think I'm drowning. But the fact that I'm on here babbling means, to me at least, that I'm coming out of the funk...I think.

Dear Eirinn,

I had to see how you are doing. It does always seem to be easier to help others than yourself. I guess it's because others can look at one of our sitches with an objective point of view.

I understand why you feel like you are drowning. I would, too.

But here's the good news. If you work through the process of grief, you will come to the point of rebuilding and resolution. Then your focus will shift from the past to the future. And you are working on that, as painful as it can be.

I'm throwing a life-preserver over-board for you.

Please, by all means, try not to think too far ahead and attempt to keep a PMA.

{{{Eirinn}}}

[teach3]

Some people are ust helpers, me included. My husband just threw it at me this morning that he is coming home in 2 weeks and he will be happy. Not sure what to think.

None of this is fair to us. We are left to pick up the pieces and try and save our families

You been through alot in your life, but your obvioulsy strong and a survivor. Your worried about your son and your H is confusing the hell out of you but stand on faith dear Eirinn you have a hero's heart and and even in your weakest moment your not alone.

[Elly4]

Bob, you're right...I'm grieving and didn't really even see it. Thank you. Having a name to what I'm feeling is a lot better than just feeling lost. What would I do without you guys, and why did I withdraw when I needed this the most? I wonder if I did that to my H too. I always accused him of doing it, well he does, but maybe I did too...Have to think on that.

I'm grieving for him and our friendship, my health, being an orphan (I know silly for being 46), and losing the stay at home relationship with my son. I'm also grieving the fact that I have no one to cry with. No physical contact since October is hard. I’m grieving the loss of the dream. Thank you sooo much for this. Yes, I’m crying but now I know why.

[Elly4]

Okay, so I read Bob's post and it throws me for a loop, and then I read yours, Teach and I'm crying again. I try to stand on faith and not question, but it's hard not to. Thank you for reminding me of the light while I'm at my darkest.

As to what your husband told you, make sure you have no expectations of him following through on that promise. Believe it when you see it. What will he need to do to make you feel comfortable in the house again?

[Bob723]

Bob, you're right...I'm grieving and didn't really even see it. Thank you. Having a name to what I'm feeling is a lot better than just feeling lost.

No physical contact since October is hard. I’m grieving the loss of the dream. Thank you sooo much for this. Yes, I’m crying but now I know why.

Eirinn,

I'm happy that my post cleared up what you are feeling. And, it is so normal. You're not alone, I'm still going thru it myself, but keeping a PMA has really helped me. Still, don't deny your feelings. If you feel like crying - cry. It will help you heal.

I can really relate to the "No physical contact since October" comment you made. That's when my W left so it has been exactly the same for me. When I see my S or D1 or D2 and I get a hug from them, it feels like heaven! And these are my children. That's how much humans need physical contact.

We will get thru this together. Tomorrow is another day and who knows what it will bring?

Here's a verse I found for you E. I hope it brings some comfort to you.

"While Ezra was praying and confessing, weeping and throwing himself down before the house of God, a large crowd of Israelites—men, women and children—gathered around him. They too wept bitterly” (Ezra 10:1).

You will be OK!

xoxoxo

Bob

[Matt777]

Bob, you're right...I'm grieving and didn't really even see it. Thank you. Having a name to what I'm feeling is a lot better than just feeling lost. What would I do without you guys, and why did I withdraw when I needed this the most? I wonder if I did that to my H too. I always accused him of doing it, well he does, but maybe I did too...Have to think on that.

I'm grieving for him and our friendship, my health, being an orphan (I know silly for being 46), and losing the stay at home relationship with my son. I'm also grieving the fact that I have no one to cry with. No physical contact since October is hard. I’m grieving the loss of the dream. Thank you sooo much for this. Yes, I’m crying but now I know why.

E -
I can't imagine all that you have on your plate right now. Just keep taking things slow and moving forward minute by minute, hour by hour. This whole [censored] thing just [censored - censored]. There's nothing I can say that will make the feeling of loss go away. But time, and this process will slowly lead you to the best place for you.

Don't try to eat the elephant all at once; bite by bite, you can do it.

I believe in you.

[Elly4]

Thanks, Bob! The verse does help. I cried some today which helped and I took a lot of time just for me.

Tomorrow is a new day and I'm open to it. Funny thing though is that apparently I've been doing well faking it lately as my H mentioned that I seemed to be doing better this June than I past years.

Oh and I feel very special. Your last post to me was your 1,000th post!

*Hugs*
E