Hello lovely P! Do tell us more when you get chance, and we can offer our 0.2c. And don't forget how confusing MLC is. We only have to look at how confused they feel to realise - it's no wonder we feel confused! Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
So H has been texting more. Last Saturday he wanted to know when S15 was getting back from football camp.
My answer was short and to the point. I just wrote..."around 6pm"
Then S15 got back around 5:40m, I went to the school and picked him up. H text 5:52pm... Thanks!
Not sure, but I think he went to school and there was just a few boys and the coaches there.
Well, he came to the house on sunday. I was back from church so I was looking nice. Had a lot of fresh fruit on the table, bacon, breakfast sausage, fresh French bread, fresh and warm Brazilian cheese balls, scrambled eggs, pierogi w/bacon. A real feast for brunch.
I was finishing the food and setting up the table, H tried to be all nice but I was not in a mood to be all talking and smiling. I asked if he had breakfast and he said that he had something very early. Then I told him to join us.
H sat down in a sec and when he finished he said that the food was great as usual. That he always enjoy my cooking.
At some point he said that he would like to leave the truck with me so it could be helpful with the kids since I just had a small car. I said that I did not want, that I need to live the life I have now and make it do the way it is.
Of course, he spoke in front of the boys and then they asked me to get the truck because we need to take the bikes for tune up. So, I told H that was OK to leave the car. H said that he could sleep in a house and set up the shuttle to the airport or I could drive him there, but it would be very early and he did not want to bother me.
I told him that I could drive him, that there was no problem. He then said that he would work a little bit and then stop by the house. Don't know why to stop, but whatever.
He came back was around 9pm, then he said that he was going to his place and would pick me up at 4am. He had that "poor me face on" and I just said, OK, I just hope I will wake up. He said he would call me so I could be up in time.
He came to the house by 4am. In the way to the airport, H told me about his dad and the 4 surgeries he did. About his brother's new life.
Then he told me the last week he had two asthma attacks, that this old ladies he lives with, they got a cat and they have 4 dogs. Then he said that he appreciate me more every day, that every day he can see more clear. I just said that he should be more careful about his asthma.
H then said that we need to decide who will be responsible for kids surgery stuff in the future and so. I asked him if he would like the 50/50 custody, and he said that with his traveling schedule that it would probably not be possible.
Then I said that it will be decided by the court but I will be responsible for everything related to the kids, and that will be decided by the court. I said that someone must be responsible and I have that as my duty at least until my kids are walking in their own life.
He also said that he misses the boys, the house, that he misses me. I said to him that as I told him, I still think that he needs to participate in his kids life as much as he can. That I think that the kids deserve to have a father and it is important for them.
I said that I want to have, as minimum as possible, any contact with him, but the kids are a different stuff.
H react like a flat tire. He got very sad, did not talk much, drove extremely slow. He was sad.
At the airport, he parked in front of his airline, I got out of the car and he stayed there for a few more minutes, he was not talking much, I then said have a good trip and goodbye.
I got all confused with the mixed messages, the way he looks at me. The things he says to me, but in the same time he is not stopping the D. So, it's like Toots says, don't forget that there is a lot of confusion with the MLC (if that is the case).
Sometimes I think that H really wants the D, that he knows exactly what he is doing and what he wants. And sometimes I think he is so lost and so messed up.
I am detaching a little bit more now. I realized that there is no other way if not just letting him go. Like RD, I still struggle with the detachment business.
But I also realized that I feel better if I am away, distant from him. So I will keep the distance between us. Just kids business.
It's not easy, but it is very possible. Like I told RD, I am trying to take one day at a time and try to make a life like H is not coming back. A life for myself and for my kids.
Anyway, the D will be done very soon and I need to get used to have a life on my own and for my kids.
That's is my confusion. I feel like H play the push and pull game. I know I need to be strong and detach, it is just so very hard when you keep hearing things.
I also tough about asking if H wants to be picked up from the airport on Friday morning, but I think it is better if I don't contact him at all. If he calls me on Thursday and ask me to pick him up on Friday, then I can even say yes, but if he does not, then be it, get a shuttle from the airport.
It was always so easy for me to detach from other people, even people I tough I love. But with H is has been very hard. I guess 18 years of marriage gets to your core.
I know what I need to do, I need to let him fly, go for good. This is what works. However, this is exactly what makes him to react with this push and pull game. It is a torment.
Tomorrow is another day, let's see what is in the horizon.
It's always hard Pink when you are getting mixed signals. He probably is confused and goes back and forth in his own head. The one thing I've learned is we can't fix this for them. All you can do is be your best you.
Keep yourself busy and let him sort out his own mess. Your brunch sounded amazing. I'm sure it brought back positive family memories. It doesn't hurt for him To get a taste ( literally) lol of what he's missing.
Me 52 H 44 T9 M 5 BD 12/11 H split 8/12 OW moved in 12/12 OW gone for good 6/14 We get closer again 9/14 SD 13 Me 4 Grown
Accept what is...let go of what was and have faith in what will be.
Hello Pink - I agree, it sounds like you did really well. I agree that your H still sounds confused and somewhat regretful. But you say you are confused and I say don't be!
The important things here are actions not words. Your H says he feels sad and misses you and so on. What he doesn't do is ACT. He doesn't end things with OW. Express a sincere wish to work on the M and so on.
And of course, until or unless he gets to that point, he's really not worrying about, and you should keep DBing and moving forward with your own life. He will catch up if he truly wants to for sure. And if he truly wants to reconcile from the very bottom of his heart, you're not going to miss that either.
My exciting news is I have moved to the midlife crisis area of the forum with my new thread. I wasn't able to post a link from my old thread in Infidelity, so I hope people can find me!! Take care lovely P xxx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Wow Pink, that is an impressive read. You have come so far in the last month even. I am proud of you, I thought I was doing a little better then you were but you have flown right past me.
I really like the part about you saying that you need to live your live within your means to him. I am going to remember that because my H is always trying to help me around the house or do stuff and I think I can use that eventually. It shows real independence.
I like it. You are going to be just fine!!
I think Toots is right, we have to wait for the action part, my H has always said all along that he wants us to be one happy family again but other then saying that he doesn't do anything except stop by for a couple of hours on the weekend to see S and me or maybe not me I am just there I don't know and that's it. So from what Toots and other people say there should be actions and it shouldn't make us feel confused it should speak so loudly that we know what they want.
