Thank you Cadet! These are some very useful links from what I've read so far. This is definitely a very touchy "stage" where this can go either way.
The most difficult part for me (and more so for her actually) is that she works very closely with OM. I'm afraid that even though she may be committed to this, that he will continue to pursue and draw her back. Her quitting this job is not an option at this point. It pays very well and is exactly the right job for her. It's unfortunate that she's clouded it with this EA. (I'm still believing her that it has not been sexual to this point.)
Thank you Cadet! These are some very useful links from what I've read so far. This is definitely a very touchy "stage" where this can go either way.
The most difficult part for me (and more so for her actually) is that she works very closely with OM. I'm afraid that even though she may be committed to this, that he will continue to pursue and draw her back. Her quitting this job is not an option at this point. It pays very well and is exactly the right job for her. It's unfortunate that she's clouded it with this EA. (I'm still believing her that it has not been sexual to this point.)
Yes and you will need complete transparency from her or you are not interested(IMHO), you will trust ACTIONS not words too.
I'm apparently in some kind of weird limbo/holding pattern right now. W seems to be acting much more cordial lately. She is still keeping some emotional distance, but has started actually talking to me about things other than R, she has started doing little touchy-feely things like rubbing against me, or holding my hand. More of a tease I guess.
I'm not going to fall into the trap of trying to talk about US. I'm just going about my day. But I'm not completely DETACHED anymore per se.
Its a very strange place where I am right now. I'm glad she's being civil, but I want so bad to start talking about US, and if she's willing to work on it, or go to MC with me.
But I'm too afraid to bring it up right now. I still feel sick to my stomach - most likely because of the OM and that being unresolved at the moment.
When is the appropriate time to bring up some R things, and if she's willing to go to MC? Ever?, or do I wait for her to propose it? I'm so lost right now.
Don't be too available to W. If she initiates affection, I'd pull back. If she ha this look on her face and questions you, you can calmly say "it's not that simple any more as you've really hurt me deeply with OM and I am going to need confirmation from you that he is completely out of the picture."
If she says, "what do you mean/what are you saying here?"
Then you inform her that you require a transparency plan from her in order to earn your trust and repair the damage to the M. Tell her that it entails the following:
-Writing a no-contact letter to OM to be approved by you before ending it to him and bcc you -Unfettered access to her emil count and smartphone when requested by you -All contact with OM needs to be communicated with you
It is critically important that you don't blow up when W tells you of any contact with OM as you want her to open up to you and you thank her for her honesty.
Lose that fear and reclaim your cojones.
You need to be sure that W works her way to you and not take her back too easily.
Just dropping in to say hello to everyone. I hope you are finding peace through the storm today. I've been keeping in mind about being the lighthouse. Its such a great analogy.
I feel rather alone today. W and I are drifting apart further emotionally. We have not been fighting though, which is very nice. I actually thanked her last night for being pleasant to me. (Sad that I felt that was necessary).
Today, she seemed more withdrawn when I left. It's been a continuous roller coaster with her, but it seems like the highs aren't as high, and the lows aren't as low anymore. Again, just kind of existing at this point.
Not sure how long this limbo will continue, but I've decided that I am up for the challenge and hope that she continues to stay away from OM, but I'm realistic that she won't. I expect that they are still seeing each other in a romantic way, or, if not, will end up back together very soon.
I'm back to feeling sorry for myself, so I need to just focus on PMA and GAL.
PMA has been difficult for me. I think I'm too humble around her, too soft-spoken. I'm trying to be accommodating, and it's probably coming across as weakness.
I need to find a balance, and make sure that I have PMA around her at all times without appearing fake. Hard to do when you're devastated internally.
Sorry you feel down. We all feel that sometimes. It's ok as this isn't a good situation so feeling good is difficult. I often wonder when people post about PMA how? How do you do that when your world has just collapsed? IDK but fake it till you make it seems to be the way. But sometimes I just wanna feel like sh!t.
Today though isn't that day. I feel fine. My sitch is pretty bad as you know but do you know what? I am just fine. A OK. Not a problem. I can't say why I feel like this. I think the confrontation with the WW the other night has made me feel empowered. Growing a pair. So yea. She hates me. So what! She fired me as her H. Why should I worry if she's upset. GB was so right when he said I'm not operating from a position of fear any more. perhaps that's were you need to be?
Give it a try.
Last edited by NDY; 06/11/1508:05 PM.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
Well, it's been a whirlwind few days. Awesome time out with W on Friday. Felt like old times. Then I did a stupid thing and checked the phone records. Lots of calls to OM this weekend. Confronted her this morning. We didn't yell or anything, but at the end, we (she) decided we need to separate. It's her house (everything in her name) so I'm packing up some things and going to my parents house tonight. Taking D2 with me. We did amicably work out a 50/50 visitation schedule, so that's one positive.
I'm scared as hell right now and have been sobbing all day.
Well, it's been a whirlwind few days. Awesome time out with W on Friday. Felt like old times. Then I did a stupid thing and checked the phone records. Lots of calls to OM this weekend. Confronted her this morning. We didn't yell or anything, but at the end, we (she) decided we need to separate. It's her house (everything in her name) so I'm packing up some things and going to my parents house tonight. Taking D2 with me. We did amicably work out a 50/50 visitation schedule, so that's one positive.
I'm scared as hell right now and have been sobbing all day.
Don't leave. Don't make the same mistake I did. Check the law in your area. It may not matter the house is in her name. Leaving is the worst thing to do. Stall. Do whatever until you know your rights.
Me:43 Her:42 M:14 S:9 EA started 2014/03 (or there abouts) PA started 2014/05/30 BD:2014/11/05 I left 2015/10/01 I returned 2015/05/02 She left 2015/06/10 OM still on the go.
