For the same reason I decided to serve the D papers. In my situation I knew that my H was/is having an A and once I found $600 stashed into a jacket pocket.
I have kids and did not want to see all what we worked for to go down the drain and I had/have no idea if he is going through some MLC stuff or just went crazy now.
I even remember reading somewhere that 25years advised someone to consult a L to check your rights and so. That's what I did, I actually put some sanctions on my H that he can't touch our assets until we decide who has what.
It's a paradox, very unfortunately that we want them back and we do everything possible to revert the separation and in the same time we need to be vigilant on the financial side.
Is your H depositing his income in this joint account? If so, he is entitle to get some money out for his expenses, if not, if he does not pitch in anymore and is just taking money out, then you have one Red Flag.
There so many reasons he could be doing this, or not since the quantities are still small. But act now, don't wait until things get ugly. Is the house in your name or his name?
This was another reason for the D papers in my case. The house is in my H's name because Taxes purposes. When we separated, I went to the bank and was told that he could sell the house without my consent anytime he would like.
So, once I served him, he couldn't do that anymore. Be careful and look for some legal advice. You do not need to start the D right now, but you can talk to a L and see what are your rights in your specific situation.
Many Law offices offer a 30 min to an hour 1st consultation free of charge. I even went to a free service sponsored by the city where you could consult with a L for an hour and was all free.
Take care and take the best decision that fits your case.
the house is in both our names. His paycheck is direct deposited into our account twice a month and the amount being deposited is the correct amount.
I am just now noticing these withdraws when he is at a grocery store or gas station. Now in previous years I didn't check on this stuff and but I know he did withdraw money here and there so he would have some cash on him I just don't know to what extent. Maybe its because I am paying attention now but he is also using debit card to pay for good, gas etc too.
So where is cash going?
I have talked with L and they advised me to start putting some money aside in small increments so maybe that is what he is doing too.
Job, thanks I think you are right its a no win situation to confront so you are right I need to protect myself and start my own fund.
H called and is going to pick S up from day camp today. I was suppose to because H was working but he got off early. I told him he didn't need to because I have changed my hours so I can all the time but if he wanted to that was fine. He said "well I haven't seen S in two days so I want to and then when you get home I will go mow my yard and workout.
Guess that shows where I rank, nowhere. At least he misses my S. That one smarted a little I have to say.
S called me at work this afternoon and said his friend told him he had seen his dad at restaurant with a girl holding hands. I got home and told H what S Said and he said she was friend from work I didn't accuse or question it I just said he needed to explain that to S. The girl from work is married to another woman but who knows if that was true. Thoughts
Should I have said anything to H or not. Today I debate that fact. I did because I need my S to understand what is going on and if it affects my S I think I need to handle.
Truth is I won't know if H is telling the truth or lying and again this is probably why GAL is important. I am struggling with the fact that he says he wants to try and work toward getting back together however I don't see a lot of action on his part and if he is out seeing OW then I guess I need to decide if I want to hang in there and keep DBing or just let go.
Using my big old STOP sign to stop wondering about what my S told me.
H said he would never do that to me and I should know better and I shouldn't even question him or have to ask him.
I wouldn't have said anything except we needed to talk with S about what happened because he was upset maybe I should have just talked to him myself. Considering what has happened I don't understand how H can possible think I should not question that. Maybe I shouldn't maybe it is his business and not mine now but when it affects my S it just made me mad.
I probably didn't follow good DBing here. What would any of you have done better?
Last night I had hair appointment so I asked H to watch S. I was 30 minutes late from appointment, I stopped to meet friends for a drink (GAL). He was mad he told my S before I got home that people need to be on time. I could tell when I phoned to tell him I was on my way he was mad.
When I got home I said Sorry for running and let and keeping you and he said why I have no place to be but I know when he is mad but at the time I didn't understand why. My S told me later what he said. He was literally putting his shoes on as I came in the house - and no place to go? what's the hurry? lol
Back to GAL tonight I am going out with friends, on 25years advice I got a babysitter and going to free concert. Tomorrow is yoga in the park and dinner with friends as H is taking S overnight. Finally!
After the whole incident last week and him telling me he had to work and then would get home late and just eat hotdogs and then later find out he was at restaurant/bar with buddies and a girl who is just a friend I am having a hard time believing anything he says about "has nothing to do".
After reading some of the other posts around here I am remotivated especially regarding the patience that I need to have which I am learning slowly unfortunately.
What is the difference between WAS and MLC? I am not sure which my H is I have thought MLC.
