Matt, you were right... she got angry with me. Last night, aggressively so. I shouldn't have stayed on the porch with her, because it was too easy for a conversation to start. She followed me into the bedroom, used expletives, wanted to know what my plans were for moving forward, blamed everything on me, even suggested that the OW might move into the house once I'm gone, and when will that be again? I fought back. It wasn't a shining moment of detachment, that's for sure.
Then this morning she apologized, said she "wanted to hug me and help me through this," but didn't want me to get the wrong idea. Had to be clear again that I don't want her hugs, and I don't want her. Just going to pick myself up and get back to doing the right things, and avoid the traps. We'll see how it goes today.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
I did leave for a bit to call my friend. When I came back, she was all, "Who were you talking to for so long?"
She is such a child. Why do I want this to work out again? I'm looking at her, and her narcissistic personality, and it's really embarrassing. For me that I married her, and for her - for all of this.
^^ has nothing to do with being a narcissistic. By being mysterious and talking with your friend for a long time just piqued her curiosity. This is what we all talk about here a lot of the time: how to be mysterious. So funny that your W asked you that question. That's to be expected.
Now....as for the porch confrontation. You do have an option. Tell her that you're not having this conversation and WALK away. She will try to goad you into an argument. Do NOT fall for that.
Trying to, Wonka, thanks. It's a gloomy, rainy day here. Perfectly matches my mood.
She's so caught up in this affair - or, her "new relationship," as she puts it, since she didn't "do anything" until she "broke up" with me. I have to remember not to believe anything she says. Although one thing she is right about: people change.
Boy, has she ever.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Just act like she is on drugs ... because in a way she is .. till she comes off that drug and figures out that reality and the fantasy in her head are in fact two completely different things.
Keep up your DBing, you are doing well ... head and chin up .. you've got this.
Sounds like your doing most of this really well. Keep going on your path, shake off the mistakes, and become the person you want to be. As Cali said - you've got this.
Our (my, actually...as stepmom, she's distancing herself from them, too) younger son graduates from high school on Sunday. He and his brother are moving out in a few weeks. I have been struggling with the pending empty nest syndrome for a while, and that was going to be bad enough. On top of this, my W is leaving me and wants me to live somewhere else, and I need to find a job because working the business together is no longer an option, but I am having such a hard time with motivation... it's like everything is caving in at once. The thought of all that lies ahead is overwhelming, even while dealing with the pain of what I'm losing. I am really fighting a serious depression here. But the nightmare is touching every aspect of my life. I can't escape it even for a moment.
Still, doing my best. Thanks again.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Yeah, Diff...you are getting slammed from all different directions. Hang in there.
When Ms. Wonka first left, I couldn't function for the first two weeks. I had a friend come over and stay with me. Bless this friend's heart, she made a to-do list for me. That helped me IMMENSELY. It gave me a focus and allowed me to check off each item when I've completed them.
Such dark days...phew.
Nowadays I do my own to-do lists that helps me breakdown actionable goals when it comes to work. Even if you do ONE single thing in one day...that's accomplishment by itself. Even if it is 15 or 30 minutes.
I have an interview and a potential job training session tomorrow, both of which will at least get me feeling like a professional - so, that's two things on the to-do list. I'm also going to a Divorce Care support group tonight. No matter what happens, I need to deal with this sadness sooner than later. I'm hoping it's a good group of people.
One thing I'm kind of having a problem with in this detachment process: I think I'm still somehow conveying a sense of sadness, because I'm certainly not being effusively pleasant. I am trying not to let on how I feel, but I'm not a good actor. I get the logic behind the whole trying to attract and be cordial and the friendly neighbor, but for godsake, she is being intimate every other night with this other woman before she comes home! I can't just pretend that I'm okay with this.
She said to me this morning that she wanted to "hug" me and "help" me through this. I said she can't hurt me and help me at the same time - that I couldn't live in a world of fake hugs and cheap grace. Since then, she's pulled a detachment card of her own, and it's kind of cold. Not sure what to make of it, or if I really need to step up my efforts at acting like I'm happy.
In fact, she just blew in here unexpectedly, took some aspirin, then said she'd probably be late tonight (code term for I'm going to spend the evening with the OW), as she walked right back out the door. This is a new attitude from her.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
She is feeling guilt .. she knows what she is doing is wrong so she is turning to you for the emotional support .. this is not the first time I have read you saying she has done as much ... and you have been setting the boundary and letting her know that support is gone.
I did the same with my W, was a point she needed me to take care of her, she was ill and when she would feel that way I was always the one she would call ... 2-3 in morning, wekeends .. you name it ... well right about Christmas I dropped off S, she was on the couch all sicky .. asked if I would go grab her some things ... I smiled and said sorry I have plans .... call OM I am sure he would be more than happy to be 'that guy' seeing how you both are 'soulmates'. (I was more happy I pulled this off without straight up laughing my a$$ off) Turned out to be a tipping point in my sitch ... she and I both knew OM was not that guy and never would be.
Keep at it .. you are doing well .. I know it hurts, but you have to focus on the big picture here.
You knocked her off her equilibrium. She had everything and you've pulled out a big part of her life. So she's going to react in a wide array of emotions. Hurt, sad, angry, jealous, you name it. Stay your course.
I have an interview and a potential job training session tomorrow, both of which will at least get me feeling like a professional - so, that's two things on the to-do list. I'm also going to a Divorce Care support group tonight. No matter what happens, I need to deal with this sadness sooner than later. I'm hoping it's a good group of people.