Thanks for the support...WW you are one to talk, seems like I remember you disappearing for extended periods of time...glad things seem to be working for you.
Z, Mal, Dagny, Hacker, Ellie..thanks for the support. Don't have any good answers. Just extremely slow progress. One step forward, a step back kind of thing...sometimes it's really frustrating.
She is seeing a C up here. It was supposed to be both of us, but the C wants to talk to her for a while first. I've pretty much given up on ever getting us to work on our problems...she's too wrapped up in her own and we definitely need a referee. I don't bring up R anymore. Trying to be here for her and just let it happen. There is progress. We'll go days. sometimes even a couple of weeks where we get along pretty well. The wall never comes down entirely, but most of the time I think we have a good time. Although the next time she's down, she makes sure I know that "nothing has changed" Still it's better than it was a couple of years ago.
Ellie, I've tried the 5LL book and almost every other R technique I can think of. Frankly I'm tired of reading relationship books. I don't think I make much of a dent. I think W needs to check out a couple. (yeah, like that'll happen )
I'm also trying to watch the work stuff too. Most days I'm home by 6 or 6:30. Still long days but not like it used to be.
Where is it going? I don't really know. I truely don't know if she'll be here when I get home from work every day. She's got some serious issues she needs to deal with and I'm not sure I can help with them.
She got mad at me before she left to visit her sister over Labor Day. Said she wasn't coming back. Changed her mind twice. Now says she's coming home tomorrow. I just say OK. I'm very tempted to say "Why bother?"
On a positive note, College Football has started again. YS's team one their first home game...The Nittany Lions lost...but the season is still young.
Well, tomorrow is another day. Got to go back to work.
Hi JS. Glad you are keeping us somewhat updated at least.
How did the week go? Did your W make it back home?
I'm glad you aren't working too late, although I know that is still later than you used to work at the last post. But it doesn't seem too bad.
Also good to hear that your W is seeing a C. I hope that eventually you can make it a couple thing instead of just her. I don't think you'll get where you need to be unless you are both together.
But I remember that last "together" appointment too. Hmmmm....J/K. I think you did fine.
I know you've been at this for so long, and it must get tiring. But somehow you always manage.
Shoot me a line if you ever need to talk. That offer is always open. You know where to find me.
In the meantime, Keep your chin up Big Guy.
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
Hi Mal, Z, Ellie and all. Thanks for checking up on me. Not much to report, things are pretty much the same as they have been for what seems like forever.
I did go see W's counselor a couple of weeks ago. We talked a little bit. She said W was in "crisis" whatever that means. Seems like she's been in crisis for three years now, but what do I know.
After the one-on-one, W and I went to see C together. I think the C decided I probably wasn't the ogre W always depicts me as, I don't know, but it's suddenly "OK" for us to go together. Not that the session went that well, or anything. W still doesn't know what she wants. I thought we were just talking about what our problems were, but W got mad at me. Of course, she acted like everything was fine until we left the session. Can't let anyone know how she really feels, except me. Then I got the cold shoulder for the next two days.
Man this stuff gets old. It's tough to keep thinking positively when you run up against a brick wall all the time. But we are still plodding along. Not sure what direction we are headed though.
Sorry I haven't updated much. Just never feel like I've got any good news. Three years of this and I still feel like it's one day at a time. It kind of wears on ya, if you know what I mean.
Looking back, there has been improvement, but never any resolution. I still feel like she's ready to bolt at any time. Sometimes I wonder if that wouldn't be easier...but then I get up the next morning and try again. Oh well, guess I'm just a glutton for punishment.
Y'all be good and I hope everyone is doing OK out there.
Hmmm....is it time to think back to when W first came home and figure out what was different then? Wasn't it in part because you were getting a life? And she started to worry about losing you?
Have you figured out and been speaking her love languages? Been getting an exciting new life that she might someday decide she wants to join in on ? Sounds like it's time to do some 180s - or at least something different. Let's hear some strategic planning from you
Well - a word of advice about the counseling - don't go in there with your list of problems. Just makes the other person feel attacked, and frankly, that doesn't seem to get you too far. How about going in with a list of positives instead? Or going in and asking W what you could do to be a better husband? Don't forget validating, dropping the rope, etc. And I hope you mentioned to the C in your session alone about W's clinical depression!
I often think that the 2 years my H and I spent in MC would have been far better spent going out on dates!
Not much to report today. It's cold here...and raining. Welcome to the Midwest, I guess.
Talked to D and OS last night. He's back for his two weeks from Iraq and is hanging around with his friends in Texas. He and his friend (who has a crush on D that no one is supposed to know about)went out to visit D at A&M. They were on their way to a movie last night when I talked to them. I know D is glad to see both of them. I think the visit was a surprise.
We are trying to work out when and where to meet up with him while he's back in the states but W doesn't want to drive all the way down there and he doesn't want to come all the way up here. Might meet in the middle. Got to be something to do in OKC. Right?
I don't blame him. Who wants to hang out with their parents? I don't think I talked to mine much between the age of 18 and about 35...but maybe that's just me. I've talked to OS twice since he's been back. He's OK and having fun. That's what it's all about. W thinks I'm heartless. Oh well, I know she misses him.
)
Hmmmm....J/K. I think you did fine.