That's really nice to hear that, 2b! I am sorry you have struggled with things lately. It can be a very difficult thing... To feel like you are putting your life on hold.. When it's right there and we feel we can.... "Fix it"!
I think it's a good thing that he went to the picnic. At the same time it can make us start wanting.... More.
On the flip side, you have done a great job of keeping yourself moving along. Still living your life, even if part of it is on hold. But if you think about jobs post, it is great to think that it's not on hold. That part is over. So from here... Whatever direction things take- they are brand new and can take on the course of your choosing. Even with h. It will be a new dynamic. Granted, he's not ready now. But keep doing you 2b. Hopefully he will catch up. And you are a great leader.
And job, your post was wonderful. And 2b's response to you was also great, and I feel the same way. That was really nice to read. Thanks for always coming to our rescue, job!
We have time and patience on our side. How we use them is ours to decide. It is good that he went to the picnic. Much like my situation, you need to hold yourself back and not try to fix it or read to much hope into it. We want these positive little signs to be the final step. I don't feel it will be any one step on their part. It will not be like the the bomb of BD. It will be more a lot of little steps. Think of this like the guy who pushed a peanut up pikes peak in Colorado. It was one little push followed by another. Day after day. Good weather, stormy weather, snow, ice, etc. 22 miles he pushed that peanut up pikes peak with his nose. He persevered and succeeded. You can too.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
The struggle is "easier", the working on me keeps me pretty busy (lots to do). Thanks for the support and encouragement.
Today I plan to
Relax and maybe some shopping. Get in some walking or do some zumba.
Last edited by 2BHappy; 05/25/1503:25 PM.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
So my H sex drive has decreased ALOT, noticed this around BD I thought it was becuase of OW , H told me he was tired of always being rejected sexually by me.
Back up to 2007 after I had a complete hysterectomy and was taking testerone replacement gel, I found out that H had been using some of my testim gel (found them in his drawers and stash away in his tolietrie bag) I never confronted H on this, just let it go. At that time and after he had a very high sex drive up until around 2013 and BD.
Fast forward 2 years (WOW 2 YEARS) later and sex drive is still very low, now H says it because of our different work schedules?
As I post about this, I realized H had also lost his job in early 2013, which is when sex drive hit all time low, them BAM BD in July 2013, found out about OW in Feb 2014...
Anyway back to sex drive, all this to say I'm feeling very down about myself and my attractiveness to my H since my H seems to now have only time for a quickie once a week if that?
BUT I know I'm attractive to other men, and I also think 70% of the time I look really good to myself, but I'm also struggling with being overweight, gained 60lbs since BD.
OK, now I'm rambling I hope someone knows what Im trying to say?
Is my H low sex drive all about me, is this due to maybe anoter OW or is this part of MLC? Or all of the above?
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
It's all about him. First, depression plays a major role in MLC and when you are depressed...nothing and I mean nothing looks attractive, nor do you have the energy to be the energizer bunny every night of the week. Also, in time, he may very well go to the doctor to have his blood checked and some other tests to determine what may be causing the low sex drive, etc. Just like women, men do need that extra boost when they get older.
Take some time to read the Jed Diamond book on Male Menopause. I think it will help you better understand what's going on w/your man in the "below the belt" area. Also, go back and read up on depression because it plays into health issues as well as stress.
One more thing, at this time you do not try to diagnose his health issues. If he comes to you and asks your opinion, then you give it to him...but he's got to have some time to figure this stuff out. Men have a lot of pride and when they begin to have issues w/the sex drive, it really hits them hard. Patience, patience and more patience.
Now, do some internet searching on depression and male menopause. Knowledge is power.
Your mantra is "it's not me, it's him".
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I do understand depression and how it affects EVERYTHING around you.
I would never bring this up to my H. And if he brings it up to me I will be very gentle with my responses. I just got it stuck in my head that H just does not want me, and sex was our last physical connection and now that has really dwindled.
Ok, now back to me loving MYSELF!
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Happy, If your h didn't want you, the two of you wouldn't be living under the same roof and having good interactions. One of you would be living elsewhere and things would have gone "south" a long time ago.
Dig deeper for patience and continue to say "it's him, it's not me".
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Dreams sometimes I have dreams that my H is cheating again. last night I dreamed H was someplace sick my college roommate called to tell me she was taking him to her house to be there with the mother of his 3rd child (ss28) and that she just had another baby which is my H.
In the dream H called and told me he was not coming home and that he also I think said was no longer working....all this while he was in the middle of a heart attack. I was telling him and my roommate to go to hospital. ...
I woke up right before I was going to tell my son that his dad was not coming home to live with us anymore...
Somewhere in the dream before I was getting ready to tell my son I had felt a freedom, i was free from the wondering, the loneliness, I was only worried about tellin my son.
Yesterday I was upset with H called him as [censored] (i did later apologize). I was telling H that I was seeing son struggle with just being a teenage boy and that I was worried etc....well H told me to stop being emotional and to basically be tough on son casue H thinks son needs it etc...
Son had a football camp and after I talkef to H, i was not going was just letting H take him. Son did not want to go with his dad, ask me to go instead. we both went but H only stayed for 1 hr, rushed back home to get "ready" for work.
If H cannot be more involved with our son, really involved not just here and there or some dam family movie night...I mean if me staying in this marriage is not benefitting my son, well another reason to really think hard about "why" even bother.
Yesterday convo with H, last night dream.. And today Im going to let H know that our son confided in another mother that he NEVER sees his dad anymore.
Emotional weekend, H hates emotions...oh well its a part of life, and right now I dont feel like tiptoeing.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
Happy, I'm sorry that your h isn't emotionally connected to your son. Has he always been this way or has this been one of the crisis behaviors? If it's crisis behavior, again, I'm going to say depression is playing a role and let's face it, crisis people can only focus on one thing at a time and unfortunately, work appears to be where he can relax his thought processes and not feel pressured by the outside sources, i.e., marriage and being a family member. I'm not making excuses for his behavior and that's why I am asking...is this a normal characteristic for him to be emotionally distant.
If this is something that has come up because of the crisis, then it is very normal behavior and nothing is going to change it, not even telling him that your son confided in another mother about his dad not being around. It will make him feel guilty, but it will not wake him up enough to be there. Oh, he might be there for a time or two, but he's going to go back into his rabbit hole.
Happy, you aren't happy. From your postings, it appears that you are making a list and checking it twice of his faults. Everything that you've pointed out in your threads spells out depression and crisis to me. He's going to move through his crisis at his own speed and nothing, and I mean nothing, is going to wake him up until he's ready. If you are unhappy as you have indicated in your postings, maybe it's time that you seriously consider separating for a bit. All of you need some space and time to heal and figure things out. Your patience level has dropped and I am sensing that you want this over like yesterday....hate to say it....but it's not going to happen.
Happy, if you truly aren't happy, then it's time to sit down and really think about what you want to do. Your h's crisis could go on for another couple of years, give or take. What do you want?
Job I do feel happy. I'm working on me being a better person.
I'm tired of my stitch, and upset that My s14 is needing more time with his dad.
I did tell H about what son said, he listened and said nothing in response...
When he walked into the room he was carrying my red thong, I had cleaned closets yesterday and it had fallen out when I was putting stuff in storage. H said I dont know why this was out, then threw it on the bed. I told him I was putting stuff in storage and it feel out.
Then I told him what son said...maybe timing was off.
Job, I do feel happy. But I will take some time to reflect and really put some thought into what you said.
H can be guarded with his emotions, but H has not always been like this.
Im happy with myself, my relationship with my son, mom, family, friends, my job is great. Not happy with marriage, but its no longer affecting other areas of my life, it does upset me when I see son struggling with growing up in general and then to add in H MLC. Frustrated is what I am, very frustrated.
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
