1. How the heck to I detach? There is a detachment thread out there that I posted a while back. It is lengthy, but it gives you the info you need. Another poster has already posted the link to your thread for you. READ IT! It will help you better understand what to do and not do.
2. What should my goals be? That depends upon you. One of your goals should be a visit to a therapist or someone who can help you work through the anxiety, etc. You can also speak to a priest, minister, etc. who will keep your conversations private. But, again, goals are something that you set and they are as individual as the people who post here. So make a list and we will be happy to review it and provide comments and/or suggestions.
3. How do I measure them? This will most likely be on how well you are able to meet those goals and what you want to achieve when accomplishing those goals. BTW, the goals should really be about you.
4. How do I change the dynamic of my interactions with my W? Okay, now, you've already been given plenty of advice and suggestions about this. Go back and re-read your threads and highlight those suggestions. I, for one, know that I've given you suggestions and so have the other posters. You are going to have time to re-read them when you are at home from work and seeing the kids.
5. I can't avoid interactions because of the kids so how do I completely change them to stop being destructive? Again, we have given you some suggestions. If you keep your conversations to finances and the children, you will be okay...but you have to learn to not discuss the relationship and divorce. Those two things are off the table effective a month ago. Your wife's interactions are not the problem as long as you stay on safe subjects. Again, we all have advised you of this time and again.
6. What about finances? How has that been working for you? If you are comfortable in leaving the finances the way that they are and she is not spending like a blue streak, then there isn't a problem. However, as time goes on, she may very well set up her own separate accounts. If this happens, you will need to then provide money to her for that account.
BEC, you have been given "specific" advice time and again. As I stated, go back and re-read your threads. They are full of valuable and important information that are "golden" to those who are struggling with interactions with crisis people. One thing that I am going to suggest is that instead of providing a knee jerk response to some of her message, you might want to hold off a while before responding. You tend to come out swinging a bit and that's not going to help your situation. Step away, advise her that you want to think about her suggestions and you'll get back to her. There is nothing that says you need to respond right then and there.
You have a lot of homework to review...this homework should help keep your mind busy and also help you this weekend.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
1. How the heck to I detach? There is a detachment thread out there that I posted a while back. It is lengthy, but it gives you the info you need. Another poster has already posted the link to your thread for you. READ IT! It will help you better understand what to do and not do.
Hey BEC,
I posted job's detachment thread last night. It is very enlightening.
By the way, thank you job for the great job on that!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
You're welcome BEC. Please don't give up on yourself.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Pretty good. I had work at both of my jobs today so I was pretty busy all day.
Read up on detachment. Thought about that a lot today. I read Jobs thread on detachment several times and see so much of my R in that.
No interaction with W except to drop off money between morning and afternoon jobs. I really didn't even say anything to her. Just handed her the money and left.
Still brainstorming GAL: I def have to start playing golf. I'm actually a very good player and love the game and have only played once this year: that is unhealthy.
