I'm not sure I've posted this yet...but DAMN. That's cold to set your S up for you going out on a date 4 or 5 days later with someone else. My W and I separated before she had s chance to do something like that to me. I just want to say, outside of the DBing thoughts, that those actions royally suck.
It's cold, it's rude, it's selfish, and it hurts us so much. And yet, we still Love them. And I don't fault you for still loving her.
Keep your chin up Dif. You can and will get through this.
Matt, thanks... cold is the best word. She came back from the gym this afternoon to shower... in front of me. Asked if I had plans for the night after reminding me she also had "plans." I said yes, she said, "oh good, I'm glad." As if she were concerned for me.
Also wondered why I was "shutting her out" because my responses have been rather matter of fact. "We're living together, you don't need to completely shut me out." This, as she's getting dressed for her "date." Beyond the pale.
Just got back from three hours spent at the pub with a good friend. She is still on her date. The bedroom door is locked, the note is taped to the door telling her, politely, to sleep upstairs.
Yes... we still love them. I will miss having her beside me tonight. But it's what I have to do.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Can I also add... one month ago tonight, if you had told me I would be dealing with this kind of situation, I would have thought you were out of your mind. I just... can't... believe... this..
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Can I also add... one month ago tonight, if you had told me I would be dealing with this kind of situation, I would have thought you were out of your mind. I just... can't... believe... this..
I think my first post here mentions that I thought I had been hit on the head with a sledgehammer, out of the blue.
Also wondered why I was "shutting her out" because my responses have been rather matter of fact. "We're living together, you don't need to completely shut me out." This, as she's getting dressed for her "date." Beyond the pale.
You need to tell her that this isn't how friends treat friends and that she's being utterly disrespectful to your relationship by dressing up and going out with someone else.
Boundary. You've got to lose that fear of yours and start standing up for yourself. Get your backbone back!
Can I also add... one month ago tonight, if you had told me I would be dealing with this kind of situation, I would have thought you were out of your mind. I just... can't... believe... this..
I think my first post here mentions that I thought I had been hit on the head with a sledgehammer, out of the blue.
It is part of the script.
Bomb drop.
Diff, yeah...the utter devastation is very raw in the very early stages. When I first posted here, I said it felt like being hit by a Mack truck with my guts spilled out on the pavement.
I, however, am really put off by the idea of ever dating again. If the committed love of my life, for the rest of my life, could do this to me on a dime, then I'm not willing to risk going down this road with someone else.
Work on your self then first, You may feel this way now or forever, however either way you need to fix yourself and heal from the damage.
Learn about yourself and your inner and outer child. This is all part of the process.
Thanks everyone... got out of bed but started working in the bedroom. She knocked on the door, since she clearly needed to get in here to get clothes, etc. She made the bed, then came over, took my hand, and asked what she could do to make all this easier for me, so we can be friends and have things be normal. Maybe I should not have engaged her, probably shouldn't have, but I did say there is nothing she can to to support me when it's her actions that are wounding me. We can't get back to normal, because this isn't normal. She seems to think that simply because she says our relationship is over, she's got a free pass now. "I've done the right thing by being open and honest, and by saying we're done before going on dates with her."
This is the problem with not having the legal paper, I guess...
So then she asks if I plan on going to a certain regular social we attend tonight. I said yes, and she said, "You know, maybe we ought to start telling people what's going on. I don't want people to see me with Catherine and think I'm cheating on you."
!!!!!!!
I said, "Why not? You are. This commitment you made matters. If people think you're cheating, then they're right. You just want all of this to be easy for you. Not how it works."
All through this conversation, she was making the bed she no longer sleeps in...
Got some things off my chest, but I'm not sure this was a good strategy. I'm actually going to talk to one of Michele's coaches today. But... not feeling hopeful. I know... take care of me.
Last edited by DifRent; 05/27/1512:34 PM.
Me: 46 Her: 41 M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18 3/26 W and I meet OW BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring W goes to stay with OW 6/26 NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16 I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19
Ugh! This is so rough on you mentally and emotionally.
I hope you have stated a boundary of not living in an open R with the OW and really impress to her that what she is doing is really hurtful & disrespectful. As for telling friends about your situation, you need to make yourself abundantly clear to W that you will not lie or cover up for her.
Originally Posted By: DifRent
She seems to think that simply because she says our relationship is over, she's got a free pass now. "I've done the right thing by being open and honest, and by saying we're done before going on dates with her."
I would have said, "Really?" with a cocked eye and further state that she did all of this unilaterally which does not make her "being open and honest". It is not want friends do to friends. Pllllfffft! She was being deceitful with those comments.
