Where to start in this (not so) sorry tale pt 2

[NDY]

i am facing a similar issue myself. seeing L tomorrow for the 1st time. may be slapping the W an ultimatum. We are not moving to facilitate your new lifestyle. In terms of staying where we are balance is in my favour. BUT - my concern has STILL not been fully layed to rest that she can't tip the balance back into her favour by claiming full custody and getting it.

Morning Py(or evening, not sure where you are)

Yea, Don't get me wrong here I'm not in any hurry to do anything. I've pretty much taken the 'you want to leave the M so you do the work' stance and as yet she hasn't done very much. She's fell right into cake eating mode for now. But this will come up again soon.

[Pyrite]

evening here - yep definitely cake eating here too. Expects everything to revolve round her. is should've clarified ^^, there is also the issue of the house OI have spoken about before.

so far i have done everything to facilitate this seperation. not for her sake, but to protect myself and the kids. once property is settled and possibly this L issue, its hands off for me. She can organise and pay for the D.

i'm wondering if my objection will be at least noted. apparently it won't be taken into consideration unless i can prove it is out of courts jurisdiction (NO) and it hasn't yet been 12 months (i assume NO). Still it would be nice to be noted. it USED to be asked in the court if attempts at R had been made. If they ask that I can honestly say "not one".

[NDY]

Ok, so last weeks mistakes.

After telling WW not interested in her or her A and was only home for S9 things started to get a bit better at home. But I debated with myself if this was friend zone or real improvements. I opted for the former so drew back.

At least that's what I thought I was doing until, at the weekend I realised I was allowing myself to get angry at her antics. I know I was doing this. At the time I couldn't stop but, once I recognised I was letting her actions overcome my emotions I pulled myself up by the shoestrings. So I went back to being dim.

Standard procedure here. Being cordial, leaving the room when she's there. Not getting into any conversations. Being busy etc. result? Email today about (paraphrase) how I was being a bit of a [self cencored].

So, I know it's a tightrope but how to strike a balance. When I'm nice she likes it. I do hold back. It's nothing like the old days but where is that line? Where do I say to myself 'too friendly' and when do I say 'you are being a [self cencored]'?

[Huddy]

Morning NDY

That's a bit rich. Self centred? Who's having an A? Having read GB's piece on Defacto's thread, it's a fine line. You don't want to come across as hard, but you don't want to be trashed.

We seem to be at the same crossroads here. I overheard W talking to SD about moving stuff around house for when new furniture comes. Doesn't sound like a person planning on running off soon.

[NDY]

Morning mate.

Yea, I hear ya but at the same time you don't want her to think your being huffy. That's being attached. You want to be happy but moving on. Difficult because I'm a chatty dude.

I know also what you mean about the furnature. Yip, they are all over the place. My WW did something similar not so long ago. Claimed she was getting the place ready to sell. That may have been true at the time but she's stalling on that again.

[Huddy]

WAS/WW - the great unknown. I bet if you asked them the time, they'd change their mind 30 seconds later!

[NDY]

WAS/WW - the great unknown. I bet if you asked them the time, they'd change their mind 30 seconds later!

Have done and they did do.

Funny, last time at the mediators the WW was annoyed at the delays to the process (blaming me for this as you may have guessed). When I pointed out that all of the delays so far were her doing she was kinda phased by that.

Bear in mind not so long ago she was charging ahead with the sale, now for a couple of weeks nada.

Tomorrow it will change.

[Huddy]

Funny how it's always our fault.

[NDY]

That's how it works. As long as it's my fault the WW doesn't need to take any responsibility for anything.

Remember what Sandi2 said? The reasons for breaking up with us are now the excuses they use to justify their actions. And I recon she's spot on with that one.

[Tulo]

Ok, I'm sorry but I think I'm going to be very unpopular now with what I'm about to say.. But I think 25 has quite a few points, and since I've been in that house situation before I can relate.

The father of my son and I had a house that I more or less renovated myself, as a project of mine. It wasn't a square inch of that house I haven't put lots and lots of love and effort into and the plan was for us to live happily ever after in it. Well, that didn't happen. Our son at the time was little and I had no chance of making payments on the house on my own.
I guess I could have forced the issue for us to sell, and make us both move so as all dreams were shattered equally.

However. My son had his roots there, his sandbox outside the door, his horse in the stable and he felt safe there. So I moved (with son) and he took that in his stride but when he spent time with his dad he still could be in the house and surroundings that he loved. I'm not saying this is right for you, you have to decide that. But I could still feel a sense of happiness that my son had his room that I made for him, when he was there and that I didn't have to leave him at some new place when it was time to see daddy. Not very long after we'd split he found another woman and she moved in pretty quickly. I don't think it was at all easy for her, to sit in my house, with all the signs of me and my choices on counter tops, tiles, wallpaper, carpets and so on.

Of course you shouldn't give her the house for a price that isn't up to par with market value. Then you would just be stupid, and for heavens sake don't be that, but if it's "only" (and I know how hurtful it is and don't mean only as to say small issue or not difficult) a matter of the house being your cave and OM not welcome.. I think you should think long and hard about that and what it is you really show your son.

First of all, your son is too young to know all the ins and outs of standing up for yourself and what it is to be walked all over yet. And IF and WHEN the time comes that he is older and he asks why stuff went down as they did you can be proud and say that you chose to do what's best for your son and that is what a father does.

And hopefully if he ever comes in a situation when his kids needs something, he will look to their best and put them above himself.

I do understand how difficult this is, and I think you have done great with coping so far! If there is money issues all this can come into another light, you can't go broke over a house and that isn't smart for either you or your son.

If it comes to that you both must leave the house, your son will be fine. Worse things have happen, and it's all up to you and your W how you deal with things and if you can put him first.

OM might not even want to live in your house..

Hope you don't think I'm to harsh.
Thinking of you and understand how hard this is!
Hug!