Hope is always a good thing to hold onto, we never know how things will play out. Just try to avoid reacting to his spew and do what you need to be doing to grow as an individual. I also read the lighthouse story over and over when I need to, its helped me alot the last few months. Actually becoming addicted to lighthouses in general. Took my kids to see 4 of them last week when we were camping and we climbed to the top of one.
Have you thought about any changes you may need to make? Even though his spew is likely mostly crap, there may be bits of truth in it that can help you to grow. Consider what else has he complained about in the past that you can improve upon. You have time to work on yourself, use it wisely.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Fogg taking your kids to see some lighthouses is awesome. I actually thought about driving down to the coast and getting inspired. LOl
Yes I have been doing alot of soul searching about my contributions to this crisis. I know he sees me as controlling. I had to be when we where younger because he was just a wild young man. I took on all the financial responsibilities and I believe that has contributed to this sudden urge to spend alot of money without telling me anything. I'm going to be starting with a therapist next week so hopefully I can work through my own issues.
He is taking a considerable amount this month to start his fun life. I didn't say a word. He made sure I had enough for bills and some left over. I haven't questioned him on the cash and I'm not going to unless he pulls the rug out from under us.
I'm trying my best not to be rocked by his decisions. Taking all that money and his ring off leads me to believe he has something cooking on the side. I just don't have it in me to worry about that right now. I'm exhausted physically and mentally.
I just wanted to start NC today, I can't fall into traps. He needs a good 30 days not talking to me.
Just remember, this process is about YOU. it's not about tricking or punishing your H. It's about protecting and then evolving yourself so that you can become the person you want to be. The NC isn't about disciplining your H, it's about giving you the space you need to detach and disentangle yourself to become your own person. Stop pursuing him and wait for him to come to you.
Also, I wouldn't put a timeline on this yet. I'm over a month separated now, and I don't see my W even looking around yet - full on headed toward D still. And that's ok. I'm prepared to continue fighting for our M until I decide that I'm done.
I took my son out to eat tonight and we had a long talk about his dad. I just told him that his dad is going through a tough time right now and he may say things and do things that are out of his character but he still loves you.
I can see my son is angry. He doesn't like his mom to be sad so I'm trying my best to stay positive. He asked me if I thought there was a chance everything will work out. I told him to never lose hope.
I think this is all ok. You need to be honest with your son.
But at the same time, I do not recommend discussing the details of your plans and about the books and the site with him. There is too much going on here for the spouse to chance upon it.
I would also be careful because you don't want your son accidentally taking your "side". These nothing a WAS spouse loves more than that "me against the world" mentality. Nothing fuels them like trying to prove to everyone that they are making the right decision.
You got me! My focus is him....OMG I have to stop! Your observant and insightful. Keep hitting me over the head I will get it I promise.
After today I can see how he is controlling my emotions and I know I have to get off this ride for me and my son.
I promised my son I will go to his next air soft war and play. I wonder how long a 44 year old mom will last.... willing to try things outside my comfort zone. I think I remember this girl. LOL
I know I have to get off this ride for me and my son.
When you figure this out, please let me know. Im great as long as I stay in NC with my W - as soon as she contacts me about anything, I'm a total mess. But I'm doing my best to fake it for now; I'll get the hang of it. In the meantime, up and down I go.
With regards to the focusing on you, someone posted this on another thread and I love it: This could be the worst year of your life or it could be the best year. Either way, it will definitely be the hardest. Your H has given you so much space and time to reflect on yourself and really GROW as a person. Use it wisely! Either way, you're going to hurt (a lot) - but that's going to be the case no matter what. May as well use the time for your own betterment!
Well we had NC so that was good but I'm still crying when I get home. I guess it's normal. Everyone is in my ear to go talk to a L. I know they are afraid for me but I just can't do it right now.
