Looking inside

[asitis]

That interaction w/ your H was one of those moments when everyone wishes they had the quick wit of a stand up comedian who has had years of experience with hecklers. "Oh that. Jill - have I mentioned that I think I'm a a lesbian although I'm not sure if I always have been or just since you - came over and we were so on fire we couldn't wait to get inside. We really were getting into. We tried using the bottle and I accidentally broke it when I orgasmed. I was too spent to clean it up and figured, nothing like tomorrow." Sometimes you just want to turn the alien bizarro sh*t they say back on them. Or is it just me?

Maybe we should start a things I really wanted to say to my MLC S?

[mleigh4]

Cali, really interesting, the time thing. You have mentioned in your posts a few things she has said. I always think about the time H is losing with S, stuff he is missing out on.

Asitis, Great idea about posting things we really want to say! I will start....Grow up and talk to me like an adult and keep your stupid little notes! For the first time in 2 years, I really don't care what you think right now. Oh, and when you hear a rumor that Mleigh met an amazing man who loves S like his own and takes them to do all kinds of fun stuff together, THAT is the rumor to believe! Not that I am shacking up with a felon, who lives with his sister, is on disability and who has more baggage than a bag lady. Pallleeeease!

Ahhh, that felt good Anyone else?

[asitis]

Great!

W: I don't feel like I'm breaking my M vows?

Me: I see why you say that, honey. The whole for better or worse and to death do us part are fairly wide open to interpretation now that I think about it.

[mleigh4]

You know you need a time out when you accuse your lesbian friend of hitting on your H. Ya, I am almost too embarrassed to tell you guys the story, but this site is all about being honest and not judging, so here goes.

S has best friend since kindergarten. His parents are divorced, and mom is in serious relationship, same sex couple. Dad just got remarried. Mom and I are friends, we don't really hang out other than for the boys, but we talk almost on a weekly basis. H has mentioned the last couple of weeks that she has been contacting him, and him going over, to help her fix her air conditioner. I thought it a little strange she never mentioned it to me......but thinking to myself, don't make a big deal. Fast forward to yesterday, she asked if I had S on Saturday to go to water park with her. Aside from the fact S does not like waterslides yet, I told her I don't have him. So she replied that she will see if H wants to go. Now here is where I spin....

I went right back to 2 years ago, when my friend invited H and S to spend her son's bday with them at movies, waterslide, then back to my house for cocktails. Meanwhile I was at work and her husband was away at police academy. I had a bad feeling about it and ended up looking at phone records to find out they continued the day texting into the wee hours while I was asleep. It was a huge blowup which resulted in BD. Bad bad memories and they all flooded back.

So I told her, I would rather she didn't ask H, that S does not like waterside yet. She said too late, she just asked him. So I let her know, there are boundaries when it comes to husband's, whether separated or not. It just came out, the anger, the anxiety, I was shaking. She apologized, agreed on the boundaries, and told H never mind, she forgot about an end of season soccer party she had to go to. I realized what I was doing and let her in on where I was coming from. She assured me, it's not husband's she is into and that I have nothing to worry about.

I beat myself up for a little while, but then I thought, there is no right or wrong here. I am entitled to have my own boundaries and comfort level. Everyone is different and that is ok! I don't think it is ok to text your friends husband without letting her in on it. Call me old fashioned, an old soul, it's just the way I am and I treat my friends with that same respect. And I think these cell phones have gotten way out of control. Not to mention I was burned by 2 people I cared about very much.

Took me to a really bad place.

[CaliGuy]

mleigh

I would love to give you ground-shaking advice ... but I too have issues in this department.

Years ago (10 plus) my W had a friend, typically her friends are guys and I am fine with this .... she has had a hard time making friends (Beautiful so other women get catty ... guys pursue for that 'one' thing) .... all that being said she had a guy friend, I worked a ton, one night I took a Saturday night off, we spent it together wathing movies at the house and this guy calls her at about 9:30 (I would have been gone for about an hour by then normally) I answered her phone knowing it was him (I knew the guy) and it was'nt that he called ... was the time and more so how he was stammering and stuttering like he was hiding something. I let her have it thinking EA and also was very clear to him that a man does not call another mans wife at that time of night on a weekend ... well not unless you wanted a fat lip and a blackened eye (See Cali-Anger issues..lol)

So that ended the friendship (I am still convinced it was borderline EA looking back) and she has still not forgiven me for that one.

Just figured I would blurp that on your thread if nothing else to let you know you are not alone in your 'old school' thinking ... I do believe there are boundaries, and I can relate to 'that really bad place'

[kml]

We were friends with a lesbian couple when my kids were young. They were "married" (not legal at that time, but they had a ceremony with pictures and everything) and they had a young son conceived with donor sperm.

Because of their sexual orientation, I felt comfortable when my H would go out rock climbing with one of them - I figured it was just like going out with one of the guys.

But a couple of years later, that same woman left her wife and ended up married to a man. Go figure!

[mleigh4]

Thank you both for sharing stories, helps me to feel not so crazy! Fact is, my girlfriend was married to a man and had 2 children with him, so obviously......

But no matter of sexual preference, I have boundaries and have learned through this experience to stand behind them. It's how I roll now.

Unfortunately, my experience with my back stabbing friend, who I feel may have had an EA with H, has made me gun shy with new friends. I only knew her for about 3 years. My closest friends I have known for 20 plus years and would trust with my life. These new friends, hhhhmmm, not so sure.

[mleigh4]

Thoughts on my mind the last few weeks: I am starting to believe I am done with H. I have no desire to see him or talk to him, in fact, I avoid it as much as possible. is that normal?

S and I are in a great place and I want to keep us here for a while longer, but I feel D is on the horizon. I avoid that distraction right now because S and I have worked so hard to get here, I see starting that next year. I just don't see myself with H anymore.

That's some heavy stuff for me, a big change. I don't know if that would change if H showed any interest in working on our M? I can't answer that because we are nowhere near that. All I see now is that we live completely different lives, and I am pretty dang happy with that.

Just thoughts and feelings that have been weighing very heavy on my mind. No decision being made right now, I still plan on riding out the summer and holidays.

[mleigh4]

I can't stay off here today! Lol.

H just dropped off S. He has an early morning meeting. Anyway, H says "friend" invited him to go to waterslides with her on Saturday. He said he asked S, but S says he doesn't want to go. He said oh well, he will be ready when he is ready. I agreed but left it at that....

??? No mention that she then told him never mind. He made it sound like he had to tell her no. She sent me the text she sent him during my mini break down saying never mind, she had forgotten a previous engagement. Weird.

On the one hand, I appreciate he keeps me informed about his interactions with her. On the other hand, why is he? Just seems out of character for the secretive MLC'er he has become the last couple years.

I was awkward uncomfortable around H tonight, wasn't sure what to expect behavior wise. Back to his normal fake happy self. Although he said bye to S, but not to me.

[job]

What you are feeling is very normal for someone who is detached and you aren't having a lot of interaction w/him except when it comes to your son.

As for him advising you that "friend" invited him to go to the waterslides, he wants to keep "mom" abreast of what he's doing. Yeah, it's odd, but because you and your h have a very civil relationship, he feels the need to share some of his life w/you. Also, there is a slight chance that he told you to see if you would open up about your activities as well. There's really no telling what goes through his mind these days.

Your h is displaying some passive aggressive behavior towards you. He's making a point of saying bye to his son, but not to you because "mom" not sharing, so I'll not say bye. Just like a child in many ways.

Continue moving forward and enjoy your weekend.