Forgot to mention this. Last night during pickup I was helping W get the kids things into the car. My son said excitedly "Dad you're coming with us!!!!"....as in Dad you're coming home.
I'm not surprised that you are miserable. You are giving your wife way too much head space w/o paying any rent. I realize you are very new to the game of separation, but you've got to start trying to focus on other things. Don't think for one minute she doesn't know what you are feeling and doing. She knows you so very well and she also knows that you are going to backslide because you aren't strong enough to leave things well enough alone. Prove her wrong. Show her that you are a strong, able-bodied man who can live on his own, do things on his own and go out and enjoy life a bit. Nothing says you need to have a date on your arm. Go to the movies, café, library, etc. In other words, you need to start GALing, one step at a time. Did you get that rubber band I told you to get? Well, if you didn't, you better get it and start snapping it.
As for your son's comment, he's a child and children do say some of the cutest things and don't think for one minute your wife didn't take notice of the comment. Will it change her mind, nope.
So, what's on your agenda today? Work for part of the day and then spending time w/the kids? Have you thought about what you are going to do w/them this afternoon? Make a plan and take them OUT for a bit. Give your wife something to think about when you do this. Let her see that you and the kiddies are having a blast OUT in the world.
Now, get that rubber band and snap it to remind you that there is more to life than fretting over your wife.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes, I saw your question. There is always hope, but you've got to listen and respect her wishes in order for your changes to be stronger in reconciling...but again, at this time...the jury is out on what she's going to do and since I don't actually know what is going thru her mind right now other than being angry, I'm going to sit back and observe for a while before I form an opinion.
Baby steps, i.e., one minute at a time, one hour at a time and one little teeny weeny step at a time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Everyone on here has a chance with their spouse. You've been married a while; had kids together...there's something in you that she has strong feelings for. But think about it as if her feelings of love for you are a needle - and everything that you've done to hurt her is like throwing more hay onto that needle. Every time you contact her, pressure her, get mad at her etc is just taking more hay and piling it up. So now, of course she can't see that love for you any more. And frankly, she doesn't want to take the time to look for it.
So, you need to give her reasons to START looking. You need to do the 180s, you need to leave her alone, you need to actually go out and GAL - for you. She's not going to start digging through that haystack while you're watching her. You need to detach and go out and live a life you like and work on finding ways to make you happy.
Of course, there is no guarantee she will ever find the needle again. The best we all can hope for is that the S will at least start looking. What we CAN control is much more hay we throw onto the pile.
I think that the biggest thing she will be looking out now is: can I leave her alone for two months like I promised and stick to kids and finances. And during that time can I remain kind and keep showing positive change.
