Ok. Pickup of kids went well to. Brief and positive. Made it through day 1. She even texted me to tell me she was running a couple minutes late and I didn't even respond. She walked in to see the kids and I having a blast playing hide and seek.
I agree with Job, she does not hate you, however, she is very angry with you as I am angry with my husband for having an EA and a PA.
I filed for a divorce a couple of months ago and told my H. I wanted him to hurt as much as he had me. He claims he doesn't want a divorce. Maybe she is doing the same thing. She wants you to feel her pain and be heart broken just as she is.
I find you ladies to be the best resource on here because men and women think so differently.
I do feel like she is punishing me.
What do you ladies think my chances are. I love her so much and all I want is for us to be a family again. I know DBing is supposed to be about "you" but I was just wondering.
How do I soften her heart.
We already know I have to give her lots and lots of space. I've already made that mistake too many times already.
We "agreed" to two months of nothing but kids / finances but I realize it may take longer than that.
I'm basically stuck in the "I'll think about it" limbo. That's the only guarantee she'll give me. "I'll think about it".
I agree with Job, she does not hate you, however, she is very angry with you as I am angry with my husband for having an EA and a PA.
I filed for a divorce a couple of months ago and told my H. I wanted him to hurt as much as he had me. He claims he doesn't want a divorce. Maybe she is doing the same thing. She wants you to feel her pain and be heart broken just as she is.
So you filed but do you actually want the divorce? I just keep wondering why she doesn't just pull the trigger?
Maybe I'm searching for a shred of hope that somewhere deep inside of her she wants to see me change and for us to work. Albeit very deep inside because the things she has said to me these last few months have been atrocious.
The adage listen to nothing they say is so true. They are angry, hurt, emotional, and it's the absolute hardest thing for a woman to give up on marriage. They will say the worst thing in the world that can be brought up, but really they just want to feel better. However, we can't do it for them still. I'm not preaching, but I'm getting closer to just putting it in Gods hands, let him deal with it, while I go forward. Whatever you choose, just do it for you, no kids, no W, just you.
Many people, myself included, decide that they need to start exercising. So we get all gung ho and jump in with both feet. What happened with me is that I was very sore from overdoing it. I was getting discouraged when I didn't 38 pounds in the first week.
I started off on the treadmill and added in the elliptical machine. What I was doing was over doing it when I needed to take a different approach.
So, what I did was start off at 2 minutes on elliptical and 30 minutes on the treadmill. Every week I added time to each routine. Before I knew it I was doing an hour on the treadmill and 15 minutes on the elliptical. I wasn't sore anymore. I worked my way into it.
I see people here on DB doing the same thing. Too much change at once is tough to maintain. Our intentions are good but our approach is flawed.
Stop looking for a reaction from your W. Limit the conversation to the essential minimums.
Repeat this to yourself often... STFU. STFU. STFU.
Nodding and waving are acceptable communication.
"Show her unconditional love by accepting her feelings for being her feelings and realizing that I cannot control her feelings..." You need to do this without saying too much of anything. Saying anything might result in less than desirable results.
Your reaction to most anything she says could be the ol' smile and wave.
There are too many mistakes that we all made or will make in our sitches. A wise person knows that they need to learn from other people's pain instead of their own.
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
Vilifying me with no accountability for herself. Hey, Pot... Meet Kettle...
Being delusional about thinking that if she files for divorce that she just goes on living in the house that I pay for as a single stay at home mom.
And you are going to stop this how? Stop being so freaking judgmental. Why is that thought so delusional? Because you think so?
There is literally no rational thought. Defined by who?
My family thinks she is unhinged. It doesn't matter what they think.
Cas. I understand you are showing tough love but I disagree with you.
I am FULLY accountable for my part.
As far as the stay at home mom and her staying in the house: It's not delusional because I think so. It is delusional because I have consulted with an attorney who laid out what post divorce will look like. So it's really just legal fact. Not my opinion. So yes, it is a fantasy.
The other two points are taken. Those are simply a matter of perspective. But the first two points....cannot be argued.
But it's neither here nor there. I'm not trying to be argumentative but the first two points rubbed me a little bit because I am accountable for my part. Probably overly accountable because I am blaming myself for everything. And the other point is just the legal facts of how things will shake out. I'm not Donald Trump. The amount of money I make will make alimony payments so small that it will be impossible for her to live off of. The judge will rule her able to work. I have every legal right to return to and stay in the home anytime I choose because I did not leave of my own free will, and I am the sole financial provider. These are just legal facts that I received during a consultation.
I obviously don't want it to get to that point. But that is the way it would be should it get to that point. She would go from full time stay at home mom to full time worker and part time parent. And that would suck and I don't want it to happen.
Here's my reflection from Day 1 of the LRT. I made it through the day successfully.
No R talk. No phone calls. No pressure. Pickup and drop off interaction were light and positive.
Right now I believe this has to be my #1 goal: leave her completely alone in terms of any pressuring or pursuing behavior.
She has said that she will only guarantee that she will "think about" possibly giving a reconciliation attempt. My promise was to stop bothering her about it.
First day was hard but I did it.
Tomorrow is Day 2 and I WILL NOT backslide.
I will continue to treat her with kindness at all times. Focus on being the best Dad I can be and continue to be helpful around my house when I am there.
I know I need to GAL but right now it's going to take all my effort to not pursue as this has been my major backslide so far.
