The Journey Continues: Wayward Wife & LRT (4)

[T384]

D -

I'm always on my phone so sometimes I have a hard time making sense/articulating what I want say and how I want it to come across. So I apologize in advance for that.

What I'm trying to convey is yes by all means be nice to Your W. I want you to be friendly. But there is a difference between friendly and behavior comes off as pursuing.

I'm far from a vet as I still have a lot to learn so please don't abide by my advice alone. Is there a happy medium? Is there a way to email W and say something along the lines of 'I Am not okay with you stepping out on our M. As long as you are in contact with OM I cannot be in your life as anymore than a coparent'

I don't know what you're trying to accomplish by inviting her out with the kids. I personally don't think it's the right decision. You're rewarding her bad behavior with treats of things you did in the past. you're letting her know it's okay to have OM in her life and break up her family but you guys will still get together as a family. Sure down the line if this ends up in a D you want to do things for the kids but right now she needs a taste of what her decisions will change her life to be like.

I hope this helps.

[Defacto]

And now for your hourly update (very similar to the previous update), STBX just called to check on the kids. When I answered the call, STBX heard me talking with D4 and immediately asked to speak with D4. I then asked her what time she was coming over to pick up the kids tomorrow and we agreed to 9am. She asked briefly about S1 and I wished her a good night.

Obviously, STBX wasn't working tonight (because of her flexibility to pick up kids in morning) but she didn't mention it. She also didn't mention doing anything tomorrow and I didn't ask. Honestly, STBX sounded off to me, almost like she had just woken up or had been drinking or something.

Anyway, looks like I will have most of the day to myself tomorrow. Thankful for the wonderful time I had with D4 and S1 the past two days. Time to start putting some GAL plans together.

[Defacto]

I just want to send out a giant thank you to everyone on this board. The community here is pivotal to so many of us in extremely difficult situations. I don't know where I'd be without this group!

And a happy Memorial Day weekend to all!

[Defacto]

STBX just came by to pick up kids. I was sitting on the couch when she came in and she sat right next to me. She kind of snuggled up against me. A few moments later, she put her head on my shoulder.

We did our usual conversation about the kids, our schedules, and we just sat around for about twenty minutes or so. (I did ask her how she was feeling because I knew she went to the doctor on Monday). After a while, STBX mentioned they should be going, so I walked them out to her car.

I finished saying my goodbyes to the kids and STBX opens her car door and puts her arms outstretched like she wants a hug. I lean in to give her a brief embrace and wave goodbye.

That's it. I was friendly, confident yet soft spoken, and I looked my best. STBX was also friendly and cordial. She didn't mention joining her and the kids today and I didn't ask. All in all, it seemed like a pretty natural interaction.

Now, time to GAL enjoy the holiday weekend!

[Defacto]

STBX texted me her work schedule for next month as I requested. She also texted to ask if I wanted to take the kids tomorrow. (I had hinted this morning that maybe I would take them to a BBQ or something) I was still mulling this question when she called.

STBX said she called to ask me if I wanted to meet up with her and the kids for lunch tomorrow. I agreed that it sounded like fun. I also told STBX that I would take the kids tomorrow night because I want to spend as much time as possible with them. Then, STBX asked me about watching the kids at the end of June (for some friends coming into town) and in October (for a bachelorette party in Guatemala!). I said I would, as long as I didn't have anything else planned. I then said my goodbyes and told her I would see her and the kids tomorrow.

I hope she doesn't call again today. I want to enjoy the rest of my day. I probably just won't answer if she does call.

Two takeaways:
One, I need to start planning some getaways or fun trips for myself. I guess I haven't really thought about planning anything significant but I could certainly use some time away to visit some friends.

Two, I know that STBX is really confused right now, still contacting OM, and we are likely headed towards D, but it stinks to hear that she is expecting to not be together with me as far off as October. Oh well, no big deal. What did I expect?
Detach. Detach. Detach.

Anyway, getting lunch tomorrow should really be a low pressure situation. It really is just a child exchange with some food thrown in. I'll just be upbeat, an attentive dad, and exemplify what she is missing out on.

[Defacto]

I had a great time last night meeting up with some friends. We hit up two breweries in the area. For the most part, I didn't think about STBX. While I was out, she did send me a text with a voice memo of D4 singing a song. STBX said D4 was working on a Father's Day card for me. I didn't respond to the text.

I only have a few days of vacation left. STBX will have the kids a couple of days. So I took my own advice and made plans to get out of town on Monday and Tuesday. I will be staying with a good friend in a town a couple hours away. I'm really looking forward to this. The ironic thing is that my buddy lives in a town that whenever I have visited in the past, my STBX would always get nervous and suspicious.

Anyway, the question I would like some help with is this, should I even tell STBX that I am going out of town?

I was thinking of letting her know when I drop the kids off tomorrow morning. I'm definitely getting out of town for me but why not plant a seed and let STBX think about what I am up to?

[Defacto]

STBX just called to see if we could move up our lunch because D4 was starving. I said no problem. As I was ending the call, STBX asked me to hold on and talk about something else.

She said that her work schedule got messed up because I changed my vacation schedule (which is not true, but I didn't mention it) so she had to switch her work days around. She stated that she now has to work tomorrow night. I responded that would be a problem because I had plans. She stated that I had to do it. I told her that I was going to be out of town. STBX asked me where I was going. I told her and I could tell she was a little surprised. But, she still insisted on me watching the kids. I was silent for a few moments. She then proposed that I go out of town tonight and be back in time to watch kids tomorrow night. (That actually works out better for me due to an event I wanted to go to). So I agreed and told STBX that I thought it was a fair compromise and I was glad we could work it out.

STBX then let out an expletive and she realized that this new schedule conflicted with her plans tonight. I said, "Do you have to work tonight?" Of course she doesn't but apparently had made some plans when I originally volunteered to watch the kids tonight.

I could tell STBX was flustered but it's not my deal. These are the type of scheduling and communication mix ups that happen in a D. I feel that I have been more than flexible in this new arrangement. However, I can see the lack of a structured parenting plan will have hiccups in the future.

We ended the call by saying that we would see each other tomorrow evening at the kid exchange.

Now it's time to hop in the car and enjoy my little road trip!

[Defacto]

STBX just called and put D4 on the phone to talk to me. Then STBX apologized for the last minute change. I told her not to worry about it and it actually worked out better for me. Then she asked what I was doing. I told her that I was going to an music event out of town. That's all I said about it.

STBX asked again if it really worked out better. I told her that it did in this instance but we are going to have to be flexible going forward.

I know I could have been more cryptic about my plans. Oh well, it'll have to do.

I'm glad she called though because I have been really missing those kiddos.

[Sotto]

Oh, I think 'music event out of town' is a pretty good response. It still raises all kinds of questions about what sort of event and with whom...

Hope you have a good time! :-)

[Defacto]

Oh, I think 'music event out of town' is a pretty good response. It still raises all kinds of questions about what sort of event and with whom...

Hope you have a good time! :-)

Thanks Toots! That makes me feel better. I don't want to forget that just me telling her I was going out of town may have been surprising to her also.
I don't think it's a big enough deal to worry about. I don't know if STBX was going to call anymore but I think it's a good idea to ignore her calls the rest of the time that I am out of town.

And thanks again, I will have a great time!