I think she's saying things and/or looking for excuses to vilify you. Quite frankly, had you and the marriage been so horrible, she would have divorced you long ago. There are times when they will project on to you their own thoughts about themselves and things that they are either thinking about doing or have doing.
For now, listen and if it's something you need to work on then work on it...otherwise, file it away. Own only 50% of what went wrong w/the marriage. Don't take on the entire load.
Keep the focus on YOU and try to think of other things. Get that rubber band that I mentioned earlier, place it on your wrist and when you start thinking about her snap it really hard and I bet you won't be thinking of her again for a bit.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It is going to take a lot of daily discipline for me to do this LRT and to manage my anxiety and to stop the pursuit.
I mean, I have no choice. Even though it was a mistake for me to tell her I would leave her alone other than kids and finances or two months, I can't go back on it. At all. Because then I become a liar with no self control and it validates the exteme version of me she has.
Knowing my wife, I think she is projecting. She has always run away from problems instead of facing them. And I can literally count on only my two hands how many times in 14 years I have heard a genuine "I am sorry from her".
I think deep down she knows she's treating me like crap. And I think she is doing so because she is genuinely hurt, but also because she is not ready yet to forgive me and to fully face her role.
I really have no anger toward her. Sadness and frustration. Yes. But I forgive her.
Anyway, you're post was very helpful and got me a little grounded.
I'll be seein her twice for drop off an pickup today. I just finished work.
Going to stay pleasant and brief with her. I'm going to be kind to her. But no serious talk.
Thanks Job.
Thank you to everyone. The people on this board are full of strength and love.
You fake it until you make it. It's not going to be easy, in fact this is going to be the hardest thing you have ever done and that is to leave her alone.
She doesn't hate you, but she is very angry w/you right now. In time, when she sees you are not pestering her about the relationship and divorce, she'll settle down and mellow out just a bit...but if you start that crap up again she's going to bust your chops w/divorce papers. Then what are you going to do? It takes two to marry and only one to file for divorce. So, back off, live your life as if things won't work out. In fact, you have to consider the old marriage is dead and you need to mourn the loss.
The drop off sounds like things went good. That's a start...but you've got to stay the course and leave her alone. Whatever she's doing right now is none of your business, except for the kids.
Keep the focus on YOU! Find things to do this afternoon and just relax a bit.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
