Mozza, I was very touched to read your post about the show. I too hardly see my H - haven't for nine months, and worry about how I would cope.
Please don't beat yourself up about loving your W, your family and wanting you all to be together - bless you. I'm glad the show went well for your D. And maybe chalk it down to one of those - who cares about DB! - moments....
Take care ((((Mozza))))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Mozza, I wouldn't worry about W seeing your tears, you're only human after all and kids shows are emotional for anybody never mind with everything else going on. I think you did the right thing deciding to sit together and put on a united front for D. Surely your W must have felt some emotion too.
So sorry you saw W and OM together, I know how tough that is.
Please keep on posting, I love reading your updates and I also appreciate the advice you give to others.
Take care x
Me - 44 Husband - 47 D20, S18 BD - Aug 2013 Moved out - Jan 2014 OW discovered Jan 2014
Mozza, I echo the support and feedback you've already received. You did fine, don't beat yourself up. And I'd personally rather be with a guy who sometimes shows emotions than the ice cube I am now.
Hello Mozza. Just catching up. I agree with everyone else. Don't beat yourself up about crying in front of WW. If you recall, I also slipped up the last time I saw H. It's hard to know how well we have the emotions under control when we see our spouses for the first time after not seeing them for a long while (I see H every 3 months or so and am generally fine in between...just turn into a mess when he indicates he is staying his course). You give great advice around here and I'd hate for you to retreat from DB because of this.
The thought of seeing my H with another women makes my stomach turn. So sorry you had to experience that.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Thanks all for the great show of support. It's very kind of you and I appreciate it greatly. I think about it even when I'm not on these boards.
There are a few reasons why I haven't been posting lately.
Dating report | I've been seeing this woman I mentioned in my May 18 update a few times and, yes, we've slept together. In fact, we do enjoy each other's company. I also enjoy our texting, which can be just an update on our day or the news — something I've been missing from my M. She knows I'm still married, she knows I'm a mess and not ready for something stable. I even told her I was still meeting other women (not easy to say, but honest) and she said it's ok, we haven't promised anything to each other. It was good to hear that because I'm not done with the grand experiment of following my desires, rather than doing what I think other people expect of me. At the same time, this R does not really affect my perception of my sitch. I'm still sad, I still miss WW and my daughters. I'm not sure what to make of this. It's like any other GAL: it's great when it happens, but it's not game changing.
Work report | Work has gotten completely crazy in recent weeks, yet my productivity hasn't increased to match it. I paralyze in the face of all that there is to do. Add to this the very consuming topics of mediation and dating and it's hard for me to focus on work. In fact, I'm here right now because I procrastinate.
PMA Report | I now understand why some people one year or more in their R wrote that it was sometimes hard to come here because it reminds them of difficult times. I feel like I still need it, especially as I'm entering mediation, but it's hard to plunge into this world. That's one of the reasons why I haven't been commenting much, especially as people from my generation or the next have been posting less as well, so I would have to start from scratch with newcomers. It's not made easier by one of my personal flaws which that while I love explaining, I really do, I don't really like repeating. But with all the new people, all the time, with the backsliding, this board is all about repeating and I know there's value in it. Anyway, it shows that to post here, I have to overcome several hurdles, some internal, some external. But I'm not going to disappear on you!
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TenBook | It does make me less comfortable to give out advice when I can't follow it myself. As for it's value, I'll let you be the judge.
Karma12 | Thanks a lot for your support. Unfortunately, I'm about to start mediation which means at least 5 meetings with WW and the mediator...
Vapo | Thanks a lot. The truth though is that I was crying because we were together as a family for the first time, this family that I had built with her and wanted to grow. D7 only appeared on stage much later.
Toots | Thanks a lot, Toots. Yes, maybe it's ok to have one slip every now and then. I always want WW to know how much it hurts, so maybe it's ok that my efforts to hide it have slipped once in eight months.
stacey9 | Thanks a lot for your kind words. It's nice to know that you appreciate the advice I give to others because I haven't always been soft on you!
HeavyD | Thanks for stopping by. I also meant tot tell you that I had a look at your thread and you seem to be doing a lot of good things. I hope you see your own progress in this.
SunnyB | Thanks. I show a lot of emotion, but mostly when I'm alone
gan | Yes, it's very hard to control our emotions. At the same time, I realize that I have not visualize this encounter as going well, so I sort of set myself up for this. I want to do better next time. And, like you, even though I try not to get my hopes up, even though my head tells me that R wouldn't be a good idea, it sinks my heart when she gives me yet another sign that she stays the course.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
good update i think. its considered and realistic and most importantly seems like you are being honest with yourself.
I fully get what you mean about the generations of posters - I find it hard to look at some of the new newcomers stories just because it takes me back to when i was in their shoes and although i can move past that with my life and my decisions i'm not feeling quite ready to go back there at the moment.
as for mediation i think you're right to visualise how you want to it go and you need to expect it to go well however you can shift your thinking to that place
Anyway hope your otherwise ok
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Yep, we're in similar spots just like always. You've share some more than I have on the board, so I'll just leave it that just about every topic here, I'm in the same boat. I see my honesty in new relationships, the feelings coming back to the board, the now more muted effect of the sitch on our daily life, the overwhelming feeling of getting your life moving again. I'm there 100% with you and as we both seem to be slowing down our posts, I see that we may fade back into cyber land. So I just want to say thank you for all of the help you've been over the last 7 months or so. You've helped me get out of some dark and depressing times just knowing that I wasn't alone. Thank you for that.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
Dating report | I've been seeing this woman I mentioned in my May 18 update a few times and, yes, we've slept together. In fact, we do enjoy each other's company. I also enjoy our texting, which can be just an update on our day or the news — something I've been missing from my M. She knows I'm still married, she knows I'm a mess and not ready for something stable. I even told her I was still meeting other women (not easy to say, but honest) and she said it's ok, we haven't promised anything to each other.
Mozza, can I ask you a question. Answer honestly, as a guy. Are you really interested in this woman who's willing to sleep with a M man? Or are you just enjoying her for now, knowing full well you intend to move on? I am in no way criticizing your choice, I'm fascinated by the woman.
