Ok. So we officially have established that I am the worst DBer ever. Keep throwing the advice guys because you are all right and I am handling this as badly as I can.
I think we have a clearer picture of my sitch: She lost all love for me due to the depression and lost all trust for me and that has been replaced by hate because of my EA last year. It doesn't matter why I did it. It doesn't matter that my depression was an illness. It's pretty obvious that she doesn't have anything on the side and I don't even want to talk about that any more.
This is so difficult for me guys. My mental makeup makes me my own worst enemy.
So now that we know that I've been barking up the wrong tree and that the biggest uphill battle is trust what do I do?
I've seen: Stop snooping. Stop Temp Check. Fight anxiety. DB my butt off for 90 days and reassess.
Does my approach change with her still harboring so much anger about what I did last year?
And I don't mind you guys piling on....I deserve it. I suck at this. My kids keep asking when I'm coming home. I've been out of the house for over 6 months. Got the rug pulled out from under me when I was supposed to be home 3 months ago.
Wife doesn't see ANY of what she contributed to all of this (which in truth is a lot).
Lay it on me guys. You guys are my rock right now.
I'm not a vet BE, they'll probably chime in with better advice.
Here's some advice from a relative rookie that's been doing a lot of reading on here:
Stop focusing on your past, and your W and start focusing on yourself. That's it. Everything other than you focusing on you is just noise. It won't help. Focusing on you will help.
Focusing on you is entirely independent of why or why not she's upset with you, how justified she may feel, or you may feel she should be, or how much she's contributed.
It's a hard shift to make, but make it. Start focusing on yourself and how you can be the best version of BEClem day in and day out.
When she sees consistent action on your part she may begin to trust you again. So show here consistent improvement. Every darn day.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
I'd stop beating yourself up too. It won't help. If it would, we'd all have an easy route back to our spouses. You're going through an extremely tough situation and doing the best that you can.
M 39 W 36 T5 M3 BD - 1/15 Separated - Same Day Served 9/15 D finalized 6/17
I'm not a vet BE, they'll probably chime in with better advice.
Here's some advice from a relative rookie that's been doing a lot of reading on here:
Stop focusing on your past, and your W and start focusing on yourself. That's it. Everything other than you focusing on you is just noise. It won't help. Focusing on you will help.
Focusing on you is entirely independent of why or why not she's upset with you, how justified she may feel, or you may feel she should be, or how much she's contributed.
It's a hard shift to make, but make it. Start focusing on yourself and how you can be the best version of BEClem day in and day out.
When she sees consistent action on your part she may begin to trust you again. So show here consistent improvement. Every darn day.
Yes and I feel no interest in any of them. I'm a musician and a golfer. Not to pat my own back but I'm very good at both. Haven't touched music or a golf club in months.
