It is hard, I can totally empathise with that. You don't wanna come across as if you don't care but at the same time you don't wanna appear perusing. It's hard to detach when they are there but I agree with teach- it gives your family a better chance of healing if you're together. Whenever I ask my h what it was that made him realise he needed to end his a it was just seeing me getting on with my life happily, enjoying myself with baby. He's also said numerous times that he never actually was planning on leaving me- but he felt he was getting away from things and living a fake life away from his problems with ow..
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Detaching with us both still at home so hard. My H is starting to want to do moe things together on weekend days, which leads to reattaching as I get my hopes up. I am think that I am accepting invites too much---always makes it seem like I am available. So hard to balance trying to engage with GAL at this stage. I feel like if I decline I am missing opportunity to connect. Have to be strong!
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
BW05 that sounds just like my ditch- my h would say that we should both keep Saturday as a family day. I was always so confused as I thought you can't be saying you want a d but then keep me hanging on. I tried my best to detach and have no expectations of him. But wherever we did do something together, regardless of how I was feeling- I would throw a smile on and do whatever with a pma, regardless of how he was behaving. These times eventually did help him to see what he would loose. However I laid it out to him that if we were to d, that would be it, I would be civil- but we would not be friends hanging together. He needed to see that he couldn't have the best of both worlds.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Cherry, I read your sitch awhile back. Happy for you that you guys are now piecing. Please do share whatever helped or whatever worked while your M was still struggling. We could all use that here. Thank you.
Cherry, his insight is very useful! It's such a balancing act between working on the M with 180's and family time and GALing. I've been in an anxious place for a few weeks today, and I realized today at IC that I'm backsliding a bit in the DBing as I've been worrying about what my H is feeling and what I can do to help, rather than letting him have his own thoughts. I forgot he fired me from that job.
My IC made me laugh today though. I told her how I've been asking if he's okay, and his response has been fine. She told me that the next time he says that I should respond, "Well you might want to tell your face that."
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
"My H is starting to want to do moe things together on weekend days, which leads to reattaching as I get my hopes up. I am think that I am accepting invites too much---always makes it seem like I am available. So hard to balance trying to engage with GAL at this stage. I feel like if I decline I am missing opportunity to connect. "
That is how I feel too! Like this weekend he wants the three of us to go to Story Land for a fun day and I feel like he's sort of cake eating. But at the same time, it could be another little step towards piecing.
ARRGGGHH I can give myself a headache!!!
Thanks again for stopping by BW I will have to catch up on your sitch.
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
I'm sorry, I’ve been extremely busy and haven’t been on the DB Forum much at all for a few days, I haven't forgotten about you.
I read your posts from the last few days. Interesting...
I noticed, yesterday I think, you asked me if I had any GAL actvities planned. I do. Watching the hockey game Saturday night with friends and also going to an Antique Car Show.
The only advice I have for you now is: Stop giving yourelf headaches. He he he
Seriously, I think you are doing as well as can be expected. I am still sure you can do this!
Take care.
{{{{Eirinn}}}}
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
