7 months of DB'ing in the threads above. But I'm not giving up on my marriage and my lovely wife.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Cadet, I apologize. I had many posts I was responding to and didn't catch your request to start a new thread until I replied to all.
Thanks Cadet.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Eirinn, Toots, Huddy, Tulo, TenBook, HeavD, Wonka, mahhhty and rd500,
Whew...what a list! LOL I replied to your recent posts in my Part 4 thread.
As you can see, I had to start a new one.
I love you all!
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Bringing this back from your earlier thread for continuity purposes.
Originally Posted By: Bob723
Originally Posted By: Wonka With your recent post about your IC's take on your W's MS, this makes me wonder: how far in is your W's MS? I ask because it will be a critical puzzle to your DBing process.
Depending on the severity of your W's MS, you do not want to be TOO dark. Otherwise, she will feel like you don't give chit about her. That is a tightrope that you will need to walk for a while if her MS has not yet hit the severe level.
Know what I am saying here, Bob? Hello Dear Wonka,
It is so good to hear from you! How are you? Thank you for checking in on me, taking the time to post and make some great comments/suggestions as always.
Her MS has a huge role to play in this. After almost 7 months of separation, my IC and I are more convinced than ever. Not that I didn't make mistakes. Oh, I did! But in everyone's mind except my W, they are nothing to run out and file for D about. But. her feelings are HER feelings, therefore reality to her. Thanks for bringing up the person you knww who has MS. So sad for her. There are 3 types of MS, and it sounds like the woman you casualy knew had the most severe type. My W has the least severe, but it still wreaks havoc when it flares up.
I do know exactly what you mean about not going TOO dark. It is 3 weeks today since I tried contacting her to ask about her follow-up eye dr visit. I know you remember that as you helped me with it. 3 days later she said nothing about it in a text, simply about the dumb AT&T bill. Since then, no contact by either of us.
I have a gut feeling, after much prayer, that she is testing me. You may recall she finally admitted she felt "smothered" by my help and that I (yes, me!) was too needy. Projecting on to me, my IC believes. Do I want to send her a little text or call? Yes! But I think I may wait another week to see if I hear from her first.
Sound like a plan?
*Hugs*
Bob
Can you tell me what are your W's favorite hobbies/interests?
I've learned this real important gem from a former moderator named JamesJohn (who I think was DB's BEST moderator ever!). Find cards, articles, or trinkets that you ONLY know about your W. JJ shared that he bought a book of, I think, specialized antiques for his W for they enjoyed antiquing together and focused on a very specific collections. That brightened up W's outlook of JJ.
When I finally broke down Ms. Wonka's wall was when I sent a jokey picture of a baby chick next to a plate of an egg with the caption "F*ck! Pete, is that you??" FUNNY! Ms. Wonka laughed and responded to this message.
Bob, I am so glad you had a ball on Sunday! I've never been to the races and am a little jealous. Breaking even is almost perfect, winning millions is more perfect, but I forgive you. :P
I'm glad you had some positive attention and felt good about yourself. I would not pursue it as you have enough going on in your life right now, but the attraction is a good feel.
I'm hoping some of the vets will check in on me at some point as I'm still questioning some of my next moves, but your support has been amazing. Thank you!!
Hugs E
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
Can you tell me what are your W's favorite hobbies/interests?
I've learned this real important gem from a former moderator named JamesJohn (who I think was DB's BEST moderator ever!). Find cards, articles, or trinkets that you ONLY know about your W. JJ shared that he bought a book of, I think, specialized antiques for his W for they enjoyed antiquing together and focused on a very specific collections. That brightened up W's outlook of JJ.
When I finally broke down Ms. Wonka's wall was when I sent a jokey picture of a baby chick next to a plate of an egg with the caption "F*ck! Pete, is that you??" FUNNY! Ms. Wonka laughed and responded to this message.
Hi Wonka!
I just got home a while ago and it is late by me. I took my D2 out for her b-day, and she lives 1 hr away with my ex-wife. I admit I'm tired, so I hope I make sense below. LOL
I was about to have "Gotham City" shine the "bat light" for a vet such as yourself, Sandi or MrBond. Certainly, all my friends are welcome to assist! I REALLY need help with a text from my W I got tonight.
First, to your question. This is almost "creepy"...I have heard of that idea before and have sent 2 very funny cards (her style) but she never even acknowledged getting them. VERY recently (the creepy part), I thought about sending her something as you suggested. Her favorite hobbies are antiquing (what a coincidence), painting wood boxes (for keepsakes, etc) and making jewelry--beading. She is so creative! I have considered buying a specific antique she loves but I thought she might feel I'm trying to buy her love, since she is still so upset. Also, I am not the only person that knows about these things. What a great idea, but it has to be something only I would know and can't think of anything, at least not now.
Second, out of nowhere, I got the text below from my W tonight. First contact between us in about 3 weeks. Just earlier today, I wrote I hadn't contacted her in 3 wks and she never replied to my query about her eye. Well, she finally did. She sounds so sweet at the beginning, tells me about her eye, makes a reference to her "mommy" (something I said sarcastically last August when my W sent me a text meant for her Mom about a joint bank acct they had--the start of her D war fund.) I apologized profusely about the "mommy" comment the same day but my W still throws it in my face when she has the chance.
Here is W's exact text, copied in, except I removed our town name and her name at the end: "Hi Bob, How are you? Good I hope despite all the goings on. If you're still interested, the Neuro-Opthamalogist said that I suffered some sort of trauma to my L eye in the last couple of years, the glass from the ornament landed in my other eye. They don't know what happened but my optic nerve is very pale on that side. In addition, my eyes have suffered damage from the M.S. itself. I'd planned to go on the MS walk, but was too tired to do it. Even my stepdad who is 78 y.o. did the whole thing, but I couldn't. Pathetic! Anyhow, I just wanted to let you know I will be in (OUR TOWN) on the 25th of May to get some summer clothes, paints & other things of mine with my mommy. I should be there mid-day and leave before 5 or so. You may want to go elsewhere after 12 noon. If not, so be it. Take care. Wife"
I really need BIG-TIME advice. Reply, don't reply. You all know the routine. I am so confused by this. "How are you? Good I hope." A "take care" at the end. ?????
Please help!
Many *Hugs* to you Wonka.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Hi Bob, it's quite a pleasant text from your W in the main I think....here's my suggestion for a possible reply...
Hi W, thanks for the update on your eyes. I'm sorry to hear there's been some damage there. Shame about the walk too - I hope things improve soon. No problem about the 25th. I'll be (working away that day - at the house when you arrive, but have plans that afternoon and will leave you to it - at the house and can help with stuff if you want....I think this part depends on what you want to do.) Take care, Bob.
If you can manage great PMA, you may want to be around briefly - looking and smelling good, without being OTT about it and then head out...
I'm sure others will chime in before you need to respond though...(((Bob)))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Looks like the rules are working. She's telling you when and where she's going to be. I take that as an advice that she MAY want to see you. So, look your best, turn on the style, but have no expectations.
I'm rubbish at texts, so, Toots probably has it nailed!
Have a great day.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
