Take care of yourself Ahoy. It would be nice if you could keep in touch but I understand if you can't. Thank you for all you help and I wish you all the happiness in the world and also for D
Hi Pink. Thanks for asking I good today. Just back from FOTA wildlife park in Cork ( where I was born). Myself and S16. , D14 and D10 all went down last night and went to the wildlife park first thing and travelled home lunchtime because D14 had a dance rehearsal at 2pm. Just waiting to pick her up and I will post more later. I hope your day is going well.
Hi Toots thanks for thinking of me. Last few days have been up and down Friday I got a text from W saying sorry about crying down the phone on Thursday She text that she has some very "bad days " and finds them tough to deal with.
I texted back that it was ok and this was tough for everyone
D10 decided to go to Ws flat with D14 and I did feel a little worried for her. D14 talked D10'into it but D10 said she enjoyed it. When W brought D's home I was out shopping with D16 for some new clotthes and as we were driving back W called asking where we were. I find this annoying but but just answered I was in my way back. When I got home W was happy enough and asked to speak to me in private. She told me that she was really pleased that D10 had gone down to her flat and they had a great time. I answered I was pleased because if she went back to UK then the kids needed to spend some quality time with her before she left.
She then told me she was unsure about going now because she has 4 months left on her lease. I said I thought going back to the UK was a good idea because she was obviously very unhappy and maybe time at with her mum and dad would help. She then told me she would be getting the bus to work on the days that she didn't collect kids because she couldn't afford the petrol. I did offer her noney for petrol but she said No thanks She also told me she was going away for a weekend on a course for work. W then told me that her dad had offered to pay for her ferry to bring kids over to visit him and her mum in the UK. Me said she was tempted but couldn't really afford the petrol. I simply a nswered kids would proberbly enjoy it and I said no more
I then told W that I was taking kids away for the night and taking them to the wildlife park. This did not go down well. W started crying saying I did not have sole custody and should have consulted her. I pointed out she would be leaving the house in about ten minutes and not seeing the kids until the next evening at the earliest as she doesn't always call on a Sunday anyway. W then went in about how she would have never taken kids away in the past without telling me I did say that's when she lived at home and while I saw her point it was only for one night when she wouldn't be seen g them anyway. She said she might have liked to go had she not been working The. She asked what happened if we had crashed , who would tell her. I said my next of kin and she asked who that was now. I said that's this conversation was not worth having for either of us I then left with D10 to collect D14 from dancing.
This morning I got a text from W wishing us a great day and saying she was on her way to work. Once Iwe got home I did text her to say all ook and she texted back thanks for asking and telling me her day was dragging W then called into house on her way home and got into an argument with S16 and left crying
The trip to cork was great and we all sang and danced the whole way back D14 did have a small cry while we were at FOTA because she missed her mum but we were all good by the time we got back.
I made a roast dinner with 4 veg and custard and cake for pudding. S16 is now studying in the study S20 is studying upstairs. D10 is on her phone with the devil cat on her lap calling out anti jokes and D14 is curled up on the 3 seater , sleeping, under a blanket at one end while I'm lying at the other end under the blanket typing this. MotoGP is on the tv and heating on. Settled in for the night and life is good
I'm ok with my choice to no longer stand. W is lost , I think that's clear. Not sure if her talk of going back to the UK is some sort of cry for help or not. I do believe she is regretting a lot of her choices but she is the type to live with her decisions As I say I'm not sure if she's thinking straight or not but I will continue to be here for her but from a different perspective
Thanks for reading the whole post and any thoughts greatly appreciated
Hi RD, I think she's just seeking something that will make her feel better. Coming over here to her parents seemed like a good plan, but then it's also a bit mad in that she has to give up so much in terms of flat, job, seeing the family and OM (not OM?). And plus there's the lease and so on. I think she just can't really make good decisions and pull her life together right now. She's dangling around on the end of her rope and can't get a toehold.
IMHO, she can only go on like this for so long, she sounds so miserable. I'm glad that the kids have such a stable and loving home with you though RD. They are lucky indeed. It could be far worse for them, even though I'm sure it isn't easy.
Can I ask you what no longer standing means for you RD? You mentioned the five year 'wait' period for D. Does that mean you could not D on any grounds prior to that? Does no longer standing mean that you would not wish to reconcile with your W at all - even if she wants to? Does that mean you would potentially start dating if you wanted to? I'm not asking to be nosey - just to understand where you are at with things..
I just wrote to my L. Looks like we are underway with house sale and finances. The only thing is, I'm not sure whether H is 'assuming' I'll be filing for D now. He may get a surprise when he hears from my L...oh well. If he wants to file, he can do it.
Have a good evening RD xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi Toots. Not be nosey at all. I really value your opinion and look forward to hearing from you. I agree sbout W not being able to continue much longer. She really is in a bad place That's why I will be here for her as I would any friend that needed me.
No longer standing means I don't want W back I do love her but she's not who she was and while I hope the new her makes her happy one day she is not someone I would have been attracted to if we just met. Physically W is very pretty , slim and a very attractive person to look at but the inside is not what it was. I'm not going for another relationship because I don't think I could trust again and at 49 I really don't want to be hurt again My family will keep me busy and work is full on most days.
My biggest worry now is that W will not be able to continue as she is and her in my life going forward will be very hard
Thanks for helping Toots and I hope your having a good evening
I am so glad you had some fun with the kids. This kind of GAL are really enjoyable for everyone.
Our lives are different and yet so similar. I have so much fun with my kids, and when we go out for some adventure, it is super good.
Yes, your wife is very lost and she wants some good of both worlds, what is really impossible at least for now. She can't even see what pain she is bringing to her own kids. She has a long way ahead to figure it out what she wants or don't.
Today, besides the cry out loud about not wanting their dad back, the kids were talking about RD. They said that they feel I am not much in love with their dad and it is really good.
Then they asked me if I want to date again, and I said that eventually once my life is resolved and I am a single woman again that I would probably at least think about. Then they said that "Oh mom, then are you going to visit Ireland? If they come here, maybe we need to build an extension on the house to fit everyone", and they went on and on talking about how it would be living with 4 other kids in the same house.
I said that you have cats too. Then they start saying that they need to start training our dog to stop running after the cats.
Then they asked me, what happen if this Irish RD is a beer drinker, fat with a huge belly and talk funny english ? They start asking me if you have red hair, if it's long, if you have a huge bear, if you have many tattoos, like in your arms, body.
I told them that I don't know anything, that we just talk on this board and that everything is confidential. RD, we had about an hour talking and having fun with this today. Even S15 was trying some Irish dance to impress your kids. Of course, he almost fell on his bud trying the Irish folk. It was very funny to see him trying.
He also tough about that if you all come to visit, that he will need some new PJs because he wouldn't walk around in his underwear like he does now, since you have two girls.
They were talking about the girls and saying that it would be torture if they are like "Mom", always worry about her hair, her nails, her nose, her appearance, pink shorts, pink shirt, and the killing I need time to put makeup. Oh, with three girls in a house they think they would go crazy and end up in a mental hospital with a nerve break down.
I laughed so much today. And even when you read the sad part of the day, you can be sure that you were the happy part of our day. I hope you don't feel offended that I talk with the boys about you and your family. It just feels that we are in a similar situation, "left behind with kids".
Hi Pink. I'm sitting at my desk , smiling frrom ear to ear. !!!!!!! You have really cheered me up. You can tell the boys I'm not a beer drinker , no big fat belly or red hair. South London accent , so I sould like a mix of Jason statham and Danny dyer !!!!!! Not tall I'm afraid just touching 5'9" before I badly smashed my right leg and now I'm 5'8". Pepper pot hair cut short and no tattoos Plenty of scars from all the bike crashes but only a small one on my face from a double jump landing that went a wee bit wrong !!!!! Or so people tell me , I didn't remember much once I woke up. Not good looking but very charming and great fun. 49'going on 25 as they say. Oh and I'm an amazing lover !!!!!!!!
I'm still smiling as I type this Pink Thank you so much , you and your boys have made my day. We all come on here for advice and comfort. The books helped me tremendously and the forum has got me through some very tough times. I'm coming out the other side and I will be happy again You personally have made a huge difference to my life. I look forward to hearing from you and I believe Iin my heart that you will be back with your H one day. It will take time but you will get there. Take care and thank you Rd. xxxx
