Part 20 - reassembly instructional

[edz]

Morning all

And its a big old grey wet pile of Meh! here today.

Weather is absolutely vile, driving rain, grey to pitch black skies, driving wind generally...urghhh.

Woke at 5:45 to the doorbell and then house alarms in the street. After a few seconds of being discombobulated and looking out of the window and seeing no one at the front door it dawned on me, power had gone out in the street.

I went and did some server related precautions and then checked on my phone and yes sure enough there was a reported outage. Had to decide whether to get ready to head into the office or not but no power means no water pump, no water pump and no header tank means no shower and estimated fix time was 9 so waited it out. By 8:45 everything was back so fixed the trips and brought all my kit back online.

Still resolving some bits but mostly all back now and got showered/shaved etc this morning.

Soooo. Of the sitch, rather meh too really. Nothing earth shatteringly bad but definitely a "pull back" time at the moment. W messaged me a little yesterday afternoon, again raising houses so just stayed enthusiastic, talking about s and a game console he wants, we got into a discussion on what we could do, w suggested we wont always need two of the console we have now so can trade one in along with other bits. Agreed and suggested I will be having a second declutter on tech I have boxed up so can probably find some other bits that can go.

We then chatted about dinner etc / nothing deep or stressful, towards the end of the evening w was telling me s's behaviour has improved a lot over the past few days and we discussed if that was us having a co-ordinated approach and keeping it going. Seems both of us were shattered and w wasnt feeling well as well so both of us had - independently - headed for bed early.

This morning (when I got online...grr) noticed she'd posted on her timeline at 2am so messaged to say good morning, say I hope she'd had a good night and remind her ifshe can get a link for an art project s did thats online. About 2 hours later she ssingle line messaged to say they were off to his class in a mo, Ive messaged about a few bits that I needed to tell her since (connected to our shared education link that had gone down due to power - now fixed and some resources) and she's read but not replied.

I'm therefore assuming she's either under the weather or busy (or just feeling like its a bit too much right now) so I'm backing off calmly and leaving her to get on. Different that I am actively not sending panicy emails, messages or texts asking whats wrong has she changed her mind (much as mr fixit is on his megaphone in there) calmness abides generally but the weather and silence is a bit much today.

Addressing that via music while I work (assuming the power holds up grrrr again) and this evening I am going swimming for me.

It occurred to me checking my diary for work this morning, that in the past two weeks W has only had s overnight "by herself" 5 nights with the rest being here or with me being over there at the same time.

If s wants to spend time with me that's hunky dorey by me but it occurs what a huge change that is - not directly related to the sitch (beyond trust and the major issue that drove her to go in July) - but worth journalling if nothing else.

Anyway on with work, think I'll crank the music up.

[Dawn70]

Weather is meh here too, Edz! It makes for a "meh" mood. LOL I'm so excited with all of your progress, but even more excited that you seem to be so confident in everything that you do now. What a change from the first entries! I hope it doesn't sound cheesy, but I'm very proud of you. You are amazing, Mr. Edz. Keep it up!

[rd500]

Perfect Edz. It's so tough when your so close to the end but it's even more important now to show calm and patience. You will a happy family soon mate and that's great. Keep the image as your focus when you get down

Take care. Rd

[edz]

Hi Dawn

W has re-emerged this afternoon and been chatting on messenger, we've been sending pics of rain, bad weather and more confusingly cartoon characters and shopping at each other....mmm...

Thanks for your kind comments, compliments are never cheesey (well maybe if they're about cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese!). A few people have commented IRL about confidence and me not being so afraid to speak up anymore. I think w has also seen it but I'm still guarded at pushing or taking too much control and scaring the horses at least for now.

Went for a walk to the shops at lunchtime in a brief break in the rain but it caught me on the way back and was dripping 10 minutes later, we have (not kidding( hard rain, sleet, hail and warm sunshine mixed in with strong wind right now.

W asked if Im taking s swimming, no worries (I *am* feeling a little lazy today and toyed with saying no will go thursday but its time with s and I know he wants to go even if not to actually swim!) asked did she want him back this evening or time to herself (they have a picnic event tomorrow) and yes, w would like him to stay over here.

While it would be nice (if fanciful) to think she'd say hey no, come over afterwards, it's no biggie and s gets to stay again (quick count that means fri,sat,sun,tue nights this week). W has very definitely released the 1:1 relationship with him now, I think she actually likes to not have to be solely in charge anymore (apart from daytime and HE and we have spoken about possible options in the future on that including my changing my workdays and hours).

Anyhoo, no not having any time with w today but having s over tonight now. No movement on sitch as such (at least yet) but as I suspected this morning no cataclysmic changes in sitch w wants to talk about just busy or under the (horrible) weather! Mr fixit has gone off in a sulk!

So few more hours of work, will eat a carb-snack before picking s up for swimming (learned that lesson, dont do a partial day fast "one meal a day plan" and go swimming when its actually eating time) then meatballs for dinner when I get back along with a glass of something red and wine related.

Then we shall see when we get back.

Cheers all, thanks Dawn Queue up that music and dont mind the rain!

[edz]

Perfect Edz. It's so tough when your so close to the end but it's even more important now to show calm and patience. You will a happy family soon mate and that's great. Keep the image as your focus when you get down

Take care. Rd

Thanks RD, we cross posted there so I didnt mention you above. Yes, its in some ways trickier as I can feel afraid of undoing good works by pushing too hard or by seeming like Im backing off. Seems to be just a time to learn and listen to myself on my gut feelings that If w goes quiet let her be and dont make assumptions (my old, mr fixits actually, old trick of creating problems and panicking about them) keep to the calm waters unless there is an issue to address and make sure if there is it IS addressed by us both in the open of course - although we're not at needing that as yet.

I'm good with patience providing I keep mr fixit at bay, he wants to address houses,minutia and start working on many other things that will be important but - right now - arent as important as w feeling its right, dealing with re-entry (her words) and the odd wobble and - the elephant in the room - her mother. All things being equal mil/fil leave for the north at the end of the month and no one is keener to see that happen than w, she has told me she will feel a sense of freedom.

I have mixed feelings, I moved past everything with her mother - how she made w feel, damage to our m, all of it. Just let it go as it was toxic (lady v's advice there) I dont want to see w be parted from her parents or s from his gparents but, ultimately Ive also learned the very painful way while I can be there for w and s I cant take decisions for w or tell her what she should do or when. I also worry a little she's not dealing with mil as much as putting it off until its easier, will she wait until mil is a few hundred miles away and then give notice on the flat etc? Ultimately, again, her call I just want her (regardless of me) to take control of who she is and her decisions and not require MILs blessing and approval, even w says its very clear after these years she will never get it.

BUT am I disheartened? Nope. Just keeping on keeping on, there'll be (not sad songs) but the odd pot hole, wrong turn and uphill battle before we're back in m2.0 but w's timeline (which I dont discuss with her unless she raises it and never give her mr fixits days breakdown!) of 220 days to a christmas day together is still achievable today, we shall see. I'd rather consider that number than the 302 days ago that she left never wanting to see or hear from me again and considering that s was better off without me there, if so much has changed in that time, surely the rest is there for the taking if I remain patient, calm and keep on...keeping on.

Cheers

[rd500]

Hi Edz. Just a quick quote from my L/C , you have to not just let go of things but actual learn not letting them get to the point of needing to be let go !

M2.0 should be added to the index at the start !!!

Rd

[edz]

Hi Edz. Just a quick quote from my L/C , you have to not just let go of things but actual learn not letting them get to the point of needing to be let go !

M2.0 should be added to the index at the start !!!

Rd

A good point to take onboard mate, thanks. Certainly communications is our number 1 entry along with making sure if one of us talks the other listens and nothing, at all, is unable to be raised, ever!

[edz]

Well its a more settled day weather wise. Started bright and sunny but clouding a little now, sadly right as w & s go on their picnic with the other HE kids.

Not that much to report, as I said TV with s last night until his bedtime, w and I messaged a little, w did send me a kiss but said it was from WFT. This morning a busy one to get up and ready, housework done, s up dressed and fed before w picked him up to go on his picnic.

Brief chat with w who is still suffering a little and said shes giving up coffee/alcohol for a little while to see if that helps. Small kiss and hug but could tell she wasnt really feeling up to much else or talking so she had some water, we got s ready and theyve gone off. Said no problems give me a call if she feels like doing anything this week and to have fun at the picnic

So now back to work, not much planned for the rest of the week as, frankly, brassic until friday/pay day as its been an expensive month! Maybe some keyboard practice tonight or may just settle down with a movie.

Will catch you all later, cheers.

[Huddy]

Hi edz

Well it's a marathon, not a sprint. Keep going, you'll get there!

[Sotto]

Hi Edz, just checking in to see how you are doing....Hope you've had a good couple of days - with plenty of chat with your W, fun with your S, a dash of Pedro, a nice dinner and some brushing and purring as well.

Looking forward to an update....