Well we had our talk. She told me that if she moved away, there was no way I could afford the house on my own. She said that I was keeping her here as financial blackmail.
That there was no way she could live outside the home and pay for our mortgage and living expenses.
I believe she is saying that if she moved out, she would still be responsible for at least half the mortgage payment.
I affirmed her when she told me that I was an abandoner. She told me that this is an underhanded ploy to get me to keep her here and to trick her into reconciling. All that affirming was just manipulation. She hates this house because this house reminds her of me. She needs to get out and live alone.
But I said, I'm not selling. I'm not keeping you here. She said that I was financially keeping her here.
The good news is I think I've been downgraded from emotional and verbal abuser to abandoner.
I agree, let her spew to her heart's content. It's her mantra and the only person that she's truly trying to convince is herself. She's a runner and the house reminds her of what she once loved and enjoyed.
She's been busy projecting on to you what she's doing herself.
If your name is on the mortgage, then stay if you can afford it. As for her, she can move out and figure things out for herself. Poor woman, she doesn't have a clue...but she's going to find out very quickly that bills roll in and money goes out the door.
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thing is she is going to spew, blow up, yell because in her mind she has this all figured out, excactly how it will go and unfold .. unfortunately she most likely has not thought about you ... in her mind you should be going along with all this, if not helping her ... its ludicrous but seems that how they think, when you do something that is unexpected it throws them off, first impulse is to spew, as you are the sole reason for their unhappiness as far as they are concerned right now. She will need to go on her journey and figure out some things ... one of these is that you are in fact not the reason for all the unhappiness.
I agree with the house, her choice she can leave. You can rent part of it out, pick up work, whatever ... Just like all things .. they want this let them do the work.
She has told me now that she is going to hire a lawyer and get a separation agreement and make me sell in a couple of months.
Well then you know where you stand and what you need to do. Get your own lawyer.
At some point I would not be suprised to see her switch gears and try to nice you into this ... repeat after me "I respect your wishes but this is not what I want" Say it once and leave it at that ... then you must protect yourself, your family and your assets. Do not be a doormat in this case.
Not sure what are your words , her words , your thoughts up there.
As far as trusting her ... lol .. nope.
Again, selling the house its not just about the financial gain/loss ..... and seems she is concerned about the kids as far as education but has she thought about the long term issues D will have .. most likely not .. she is in SelfishVille currently, let her live there till things are not working out.
As far as the Pain ... it hurts because it feel s like the walls are closing in and you are losing all you have held onto. Again .. out of your control and you do need to release it , and her, remember you can only control your actions and reactions to this mess. Protect yourself ... research what you can do .. its time to plan this with the thought that she is gone, its survival mode time.
You can't get what you want for long term. You are delaying at huge financial cost. You do not respect my wishes You do not understand me You seem to want me to suffer I will suffer from this. I see no other reason you would do this.
