Old dog seeks new trick 13

[Sotto]

Hi OD, sorry you're having a rough day & hope your back is all better soon. Good for you going to Jujitsu and the Coda meeting. Will you go again do you think??

In terms of interactions with your W. I know it's hard, but does it help to try and see stuff like this as a business transaction and respond in that vein? If you take the emotion out of the response and it was a work thing, how would you respond then?

In terms of 1, it sounds as though you're happy with selling. But, I would at least arrange some free consultations with L's before you confirm to your W. Normally the advice is to only sell your main home if it is part of a full financial settlement. Your W says she's not about to screw you over financially, but believe nothing that is said and take reasonable steps to protect your interests without being aggressive about it. I just told my H that I didn't feel able to make big decisions like that without some advice.

For your S's birthday, it sounds as though you know what you want to do, and presume you'll make some nice separate plans with him.

Sounds like you are happy with three.

For four - why not just respond, yes I'll want some time with them. I need to firm up plans & will come back to you, then talk to your Mum. If she decides to go on holiday with OM, there's not much you can do about that, and best to just let go of stuff like that. Our WAS's feel no loyalty to us or the M right now and - horrible though it is - it's not something we can control...

Hope this helps OD, and hope tomorrow is a better day for you. ((OD))

[Old Dog]

I will go again ... to both.

Strictly business. Yes, I know... sigh. But I wouldn't to do business with someone I hate. And at the moment I do hate her so it's hard to take the emotion out. In fact if it was business I'd respond in a friendly manner with a view to working on a an agreeable outcome for both of us. I'll have to give it a few days before I can muster up a reply that doesn't stick in my craw.

I do want to sell. But I don't want her to do it either. I was the one who had to sort anything out with the house or tenants as she didn't want anything to do with it. Now she's lost her job, she's got more time and the tenants giving notice means we have to get a move on. I guess it makes more sense now but it still rankles.

Not knowing a thing about this, I don't know how I can protect myself. We always planned to port the mortgage and buy somewhere else but that's out of the window now. I wonder if you can split and port. And how long you can wait before buying again.

I may try and rearrange my weekends so I can fit in being nearby on my birthday and S12's but pick the boys up and take them out rather than stay. I'll think about that.

And yes, Need to firm up some plans for the summer holidays.

Thanks Toots for your support.

[Old Dog]

Can someone glance over my responses and to see if they could be improved please.

1. You'll have got my text about the tenants moving out in June? I assume you agree we need to press ahead with putting the house on the market? You printed out some online estate agents a while back - which I'll try to locate. Let me know if you have any particular thoughts meantime.

I decided (online company x) was the best one. I registered with them and filled in the details but have not instructed them to do anything yet.
There are a few things that need seeing to on the house.
I also want to take some advice for instance to see what implications there are for capital gains tax.

2. The weekend of S12's birthday is not a weekend you'd be scheduled to come back here. Have you had any thoughts about that? Do you want to celebrate it with him on another weekend, or come and join us for that one? It's fine either way, but please let me know so I know what I'm saying when I discuss options with him.
3. I'm still working on the basis that the kids are coming to you in the last weekend of their half term - 29th May.

I intend changing my weekend plan so I can be around on my birthday and S12's. I prefer to celebrate our birthdays separately whether that be on the day or another time over the respective weekends.

My schedule will be:
15-17 May @ house
22-25 May (Bank Holiday) @ house
29-31 May @ my flat
6-7 June (S12's birthday) @ house

4. Are you thinking of having time with them over the Summer holidays? It's another thing it would be useful to plan.

Yes of course. I need to firm up plans first and will come back to you.

[gan]

Looks ok to me OD. Maybe drop the "of course" in the last response. A simple Yes should do. I'm not seeing any opportunities to validate but that's not my area of expertise so I'll leave it to others to chime in.

[Old Dog]

Thanks gan. Even though I feel I am emerging from a long dark rage infected period, I don't feel like validating anyway.

[gan]

I don't think anyone here ever does, OD!

[rd500]

Hi OD. Do you want W back ? I realise how tough it is with OM in the picture but what's in your heart ? I understand the rage and anger because this was your best friend , could you put that behind you if you were given the option of W returning to M ?

I hope you don't mind me asking

Take care. Rd

[Old Dog]

Good point gan. I did say 'emerging' rather than 'emerged' :-)

I don't mind anyone asking anything rd. I believe I can put that behind me. I have thought that before and no doubt can again. In fact if I am to truly be the best I can be, then forgiveness is a must ... whatever happens.

The only trouble is I don't think I will ever get the chance.

[gan]

The only trouble is I don't think I will ever get the chance.

A chance at reconciliation? Or forgiveness? Coz a chance at the latter has already arrived, OD. You can chose to forgive when ever you want. In fact I think it will release a lot of your anger if you did make this your goal.

[Cadet]

The only trouble is I don't think I will ever get the chance.

My thought is that most posters here believe the same thing.
There sich is different blah, blah, blah.

I honestly believe that in the end the LBS does get to decide, and if you have not gotten to decide yet it is not yet the end.