I always had the impression my dad found having a daughter a terrifying responsibility. His personality did a complete 180 when I got married and became someone else's problem. My suspicion is that he's kinder to me right now because I have been managing all this on my own for over a year and he's starting to see I have some strength and will be ok, so the burden isn't back on him. But I was really surprised at his attitude too.
I don't want to share too much about the legal stuff just to be safe, but my lawyer warned me today that things could "get rocky" but that he was confident I would ultimately prevail.
I have to say that as much as my pride would like me to just take what STBX offers and walk so I can call myself self-sufficient, the cost to the kids would be very high and it seems unfair to make them pay both for their father's stupidity and their mother's pride. I hope they still see me as strong even if I let their father continue to be the primary financial support.
I'm actually really well. I saw him leave the house last night and didn't feel the need to slam the door on his a$$ like I'd been doing, which I count as progress. I really believe that this is all truly his loss.
I worry about S9, however. He wants more time with his dad, and asked yesterday if he could spend some time with him this weekend (I have the kids for the second week in a row owing to all his swaps). I said it was ok with me but that he needed to talk to his dad about it. To my knowledge he gave up on it at that point. I'm wondering if I shouldn't hand him the phone and tell him how to reach STBX (though he ought to know), or if I should let it be. I worry STBX will hurt him again. I don't know how to handle this.
STBX is pretty hurtful and stupid. My L called him a dirtbag. I feel disappointed that I chose such a cr@ppy person to be my kids' dad.
Last edited by Maybell; 05/07/1502:35 AM. Reason: Embarrassing grammar mistake
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I did call my mom yesterday and my dad answered. It turned out to be, surprisingly, kind, generous, supportive, and interested.
Maybell,
You're quite welcome! It was my pleasure.
I'm happy to hear that your dad was supportive. At a time like this, you need family's support more than ever.
Hang in there!
(((Maybell)))
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
I'm neck deep in house prep. I've been accepting help as much as possible and tonight bullied the kids into helping with the second worst room in the house. I'm anxious but hopeful that everything will be ready by Wednesday evening. Not to the standards I've had on previous houses, but what are you going to do?
It is hard not to be hating STBX as I work through all this. REALLY hard -- because every minute of it is down to him walking away. I haven't been posting or reading here partly because I'm trying to detach further from all that partly because I'm so busy. I want to be more than just the sad lady whose husband left her.
He's been pulling out a charm offensive lately, I'm not sure what that's about. Not helping one mite more, not spending any more time with the kids, but making a show of being friendly and accommodating when he does turn up. Complained that I won't allow him to be nice to me (as in, I'm not sufficiently responsive to his friendliness). None of this means anything; he just wants to look like a good guy.
I have posted a lot of pics of the kids on Facebook. D12 and S7 particularly have had a lot of accomplishments lately. We tried to call my MIL for Mother's Day but she didn't answer, so I had the kids make a video greeting for her and we texted it over. She answered a little while later and we had a bit of a text conversation. She complained that she hadn't seen enough of them and that they were growing up too quickly. (She hasn't seen them in almost a year). I said that when I have a home she'll be welcome any time. No response to that; she's as good an avoider as her son. I'm not sure his parents realize how he's been living since he left me.
Anyway, that's my news. Nothing to report here. I'm just trying to be a better person, a happier person who focuses on the good in my life. I am truly very well supported and grateful for so much. Including my friends here. I'm very, very tired and can't wait till the house is listed and I can go through things a tiny bit at a time and start culling and simplifying my belongings. For now I just want to make it so my house looks pretty enough for someone to buy it (and hopefully STBX will actually do some kind of settlement agreement).
Crossing my fingers...
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
He's been pulling out a charm offensive lately, I'm not sure what that's about. Not helping one mite more, not spending any more time with the kids, but making a show of being friendly and accommodating when he does turn up. Complained that I won't allow him to be nice to me (as in, I'm not sufficiently responsive to his friendliness). None of this means anything; he just wants to look like a good guy.
MB- I've gotten a fair amount of this as well - not really a charm offensive but repetitive offers of "I want to help!" - which are completely empty given where he lives and his schedule. I guess it makes him feel good to say it.
I hope you are one of those fabulous stories one reads about where the house sells for over listing price the first day on the market.
