Skhdive, I feel the same way. I just hear that H will be at the house tomorrow and panic strikes on me. Well, I decide not even be in a house tomorrow, it's better for me and now it's about me feeling better. Right?
Besides, I love rain and we are having London feeling this whole week, by Monday we will probably be singing like frogs. It's gorgeous, love this dark skies, rain all the time, love it a lot. Makes me feel stronger and really good.
Toots my sister in heart - I know you are right too. My mom even said that he is all over the place, that he has shame now more then before, that he does not say things in a constant mode, he is abstract, not much to say anymore.
She also mention that towards the end of his visit, he said he was leaving and stood up, my mom was ready to stand up from her chair and then he kneed beside her, hugged her and put his head against her body, and said "Oh, Ju what I am doing with my life?"
My mom said that she put a hand over his head and told him to give some time to himself and think about things, think about what he really wants and weight what he needs.
So, as you said I do not have any control over what he does, is doing or will decide, I just need to detach and let him go. It's just very hard to do.
Bob, thanks for the X on my cheek, really need that today. That's one thing I am changing. I am allowing people to love me and show that love. I am not saying a man's love right now, I am not ready for that kind of love. But I am allowing human love, and let people get close to me like never before.
Brasilians are touching, hugging people, body is a big part of showing affection for us. But growing up I created some defense mechanisms that I just realized now, treating myself, that were there to protect myself against any other wound. I am learning how to be a loving person again. And I like it.
DETACH, DETACH, DETACH, LET GO... LET GO... LET GO.........
Need to write a song with these words, so I can sing it all the time.
Thanks for giving me such support and help, you guys are awesome.
By the way. Went to a professional salon and had my hair done. some dark and light brown w/tons of red and very, very little light brown highlights. Everyone says I look incredible, that I look 10years younger. Yesterday a Rep came over my office and said that he needs to visit more frequent because I look astonishing. Wow, that was something good for my Ego. He is a very handsome man himself.
Well Pink, you may want to let H see that fabulous hair for himself. And only briefly of course, as you will be headed out somewhere looking and smelling lovely ten minutes after he arrives. Please try not to feel panic at him being at the house. Hold your head high, your back straight, smile, be pleasant and look lovely - then leave....
But as you say, if you don't feel up to doing that, just don't be there...
xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Bob, thanks for the X on my cheek, really need that today. That's one thing I am changing. I am allowing people to love me and show that love. I am not saying a man's love right now, I am not ready for that kind of love. But I am allowing human love, and let people get close to me like never before.
You're so welcome Pink!
It sounds to me like you have the right attitude.
Now, another X for your other cheek.
Your friend,
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Toots, it may be the right thing to do. I will be able to be there to thank H for his kindness of visiting my mom and picking up the stuff she sent to the kids and thank him for leaving the truck with me in case I needed (have been driving it the whole time).
He will see my hair, just confirmed my eye brown will be done by 4pm today and later my mani and pedi too. Look not so sick today, so will not be so bad tomorrow as well. And like you said, be polite, have my head high and leave. Perfect.
I will take it to my heart tonight and think well about it and tomorrow morning I will see if I can do it or not. Thanks for the support Toots, we are awesome.
Bob, thanks for being so kind. It really get a smile out of us when someone is so kind.
RD, so happy to hear from you. I feel like a little girl today. I think you Ds are really lucky to have you as their dad. I wish I had such father.
I still think about RD and it brings me a smile, you are awesome and I have been missing talking to you. This journey is really crazy, I don't really understand how I miss someone I don't even know.
I will check your posts later. Hope things are working well for you.
Oh RD, now I have tears in my eyes and in my heart too. You miss me the same way I miss you. One day RD, and it may not even be that far. My D is moving, one of these days I am single again and moving on.
Yes, H is lost and is confused and all blah, blah, blah. But the truth is that I don't even know if I can pass over all what happen. I saw him w/OW in front of a cheap hotel, I found he gave her presents, he said in my face he had feeling for other person.
All this pain is inside me, I don't know if I can forget all this. I saw and I am seeing my children's pain. My S15 did hold my hand strong to go to sleep because he was in one of those weak moments when fear is bigger then you and he is afraid to be left alone. His insecurities, his emotions.
Why? Why? Why? Someone do this to the ones they should love the most?
I don't get it, I can't do it. I am a caring person, I do put myself in other people's shoes and try not to hurt them. I really don't know if I can ever let go all the hurt in my heart.
But I know I can let it all go and plan to have RD in US or go to Ireland looking for him. This is possible.
RD, thanks for being my friend. You have no idea how much you helped and are helping me to get through this enormous pain.
And let the kisses and hugs come. Gee, I already feel like dancing. No GAL today. Need to do some insurance paperwork. But just think about my sweet Irish and I feel like drinking a cold beer and dancing till morning.
Hi Pink. I'm so glad you posted your comment about missing me or I would not have known you missed my post. We will be helping each other and we will get through this You will do great tomorrow and Toots is right. Let H see what he is losing. Your H has hurt you very badly but time will see if you can forgive him. I'm not defending him because like most of the ladies on here your H doesn't deserve you Let it all calm down , wait and see how you feel. Time is everything and we can all help each other until enough time passes for us to heal
I suggest a steak dinner with a small amount of alcohol followed by a club having a Soul / Motown night , dancing until dawn then breakfast by the beach , a swim in the Ocean then lunch of a Brazilian classic of your choosing , then salsa or the like until sundown and long walk along the sea , tide out discussing our plans with the seven kids for the next day. It's good to dream !!!!!!
Take care wonderful Pink. Your friend and admirer. Rd xx
