I agree putting a boundary on him and enforcing is probably not realistic. It just makes me feel like a doormat that he is showing so little regard for my feelings. I guess this is him trying to get a reaction out of me, so the best course is no reaction?
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
I agree putting a boundary on him and enforcing is probably not realistic. It just makes me feel like a doormat that he is showing so little regard for my feelings. I guess this is him trying to get a reaction out of me, so the best course is no reaction?
Maybe but more likely he does not even think about YOU. His focus is on him! Think selfish teenager.
Yes no reaction is fine.
Are you providing for any of his needs? Cooking, cleaning, laundry, money?
Right, hard to forget that after 14 years of being married to someone the could totally forget/not think about you. Selfish is right.
Well, we live in the same house, so yes I am cleaning. All of the other stuff has stopped except for some cooking. But that is 100% stopping today. We have shared account and make about the same $.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
BW05, You came to visit over in the MLC forum, so I thought it best to cut and paste your posting on your thread here, in Newcomers:
"Wondering if anyone has advice on how to respond to MCLer still having affair when they said it was over? Also, H just didn't bother to come home last night. Assume with OW. Again, is there a recommended response?"
If your MLCer raises the topic again about the affair being over, then he should be more than willing to be transparent w/you about all of his activities, i.e., allowing you to check his/her phone for emails, texts, etc. This would also apply for the laptop/computer as well. The MLCer should be willing to share everything as to being late, where they are going and people they are meeting. Transparency is the key.
However, in your case, since he's been out all night, I would say he's not over her and the addiction to her is too great. Yes, he may have had an argument w/her or vice versa and they both thought it was over, but have made up. It takes them a long time to get through MLC and the affair is so addictive that they will go through withdrawal for a period of time before truly letting the affair die a natural death. Cadet is correct in stating that he most likely isn't even thinking about you...but about himself. They don't care about us and they say things that we want to hear. It's all about him and the mantra is "me, me, me". I'm sorry that he's still "out there", but he's definitely saying one thing and doing another.
If you attempt to put boundaries on him concerning the affair, it will push him even closer to the ow and like a teenager, will react opposite of what you would want to happen. The only person that you have control over is yourself.
If you aren't sure what to do at this time, do nothing. The affair has to die a slow, natural death. Yes, you would like the affair to end...but it will not end until one of them calls it quits. In the meantime, keep the focus on you and live your life to the fullest.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks, Job. So no questions at all about affair right now. Hard not reacting to this kind of behavior, especially considering I did not sleep at all last night. I guess I was concerned ignoring the A and behavior would be in a way condoning it with H.
Me: 42 H: 40 M: 12 H moved out - 8/2015 I filed - 8/2015
Thanks, Job. So no questions at all about affair right now. Hard not reacting to this kind of behavior, especially considering I did not sleep at all last night. I guess I was concerned ignoring the A and behavior would be in a way condoning it with H.
Sometimes doing NOTHING is really doing something.
BW05, The more you react to the affair, the more he's going to go to the ow. Your reactions are the justification he is seeking to continue it. I know you want to just shake him until his head rolls on the floor, but it's better to go on w/your life. You have to protect yourself and your finances at this time. Watch your accounts.
Sit quietly and the answers to your questions will fall in your lap when you least expect them to.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
