Put one foot in front of the other

[Elly4]

Thank you, Mr. Bond for stopping by on my thread. You're right of course. I made sure to keep a PMA through his fit and then later on he was in a good mood again. I just need to remember to disconnect myself emotionally from how he reacts to my 180s. I do them to make myself a better person for myself and my future, not for him.

I will get this right eventually, I'm sure of it! :P

[Elly4]

Thanks Bob! I thought it was too. As a matter of fact, I spent my IC time today talking about it.

[Elly4]

Dumb, dumb, dumb

So H has been gone to a team building thing with work since Wednesday. He texted me this morning asking how our S was and how our days have been.

I responded, "Good. You?"
H, "Long, boring."
Me, "You knew it would be. :("
H, "Oh well"
Me, "All day today too?"
H, "Yup"

Now I make the dumb move. I decide to call him as he seems down. His response in tone clearly showed me he did not want to talk on the phone at all. Oh why did I call?

Dumb, dumb, dumb.

[Bob723]

Dumb, dumb, dumb

So H has been gone to a team building thing with work since Wednesday. He texted me this morning asking how our S was and how our days have been.

I responded, "Good. You?"
H, "Long, boring."
Me, "You knew it would be. :("
H, "Oh well"
Me, "All day today too?"
H, "Yup"

Now I make the dumb move. I decide to call him as he seems down. His response in tone clearly showed me he did not want to talk on the phone at all. Oh why did I call?

Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Hello Eirinn,

You know the old saying about hindsight. Sure, looking back, maybe it wasn't a good idea to call him. Now you'll know for the next time. We all stumble and make mistakes, so don't be too hard on yourself.

Just this morning, I got the idea of posting this "daily affitmation." I have done so today in several threads, including my own. Why not give it a try? It might seem odd at first, but saying this outloud, in front of a mirror, daily seems to make me feel stronger! I have been doing this for 1 week.

In the infinity of life where I am all is perfect whole and complete. I now choose calmly and objectively to see my old patterns and I am willing to make changes. I choose to have fun doing this. I choose to react as though I have found a treasure when I discover something else to release. I see in feel myself changing moment by moment. Thoughts no longer have any power over me. I am the power in the world. I choose to be free. All is well in my world.

(((Eirinn)))

[Elly4]

I will try it, Bob. I promise!

[Elly4]

Ok I need validating or not help.

My H has been gone since Wednesday. Tonight he comes home two hours late and in the space of ninety minutes has managed to make our three year old cry five times. I have not interrupted or made faces. When it's bedtime (we both help with the routine) my S asks me if I'll be home in the morning. I say yes and he says, yea mommy is going to be home! My H says I'll be home to and my s says ok but I want mommy. This was said as I was leaving the room.

H comes downstairs after my S is settled and is grumpy. I kept a PMA and ignored. Should I have validated that it's rough when kids act that way? There have been times in the past when it's been flipped, but I think it bothers my H because he was gone two nights.

Thoughts?

[Elly4]

As I've made some progress with my H, I have lots of silly questions now. Sorry ahead of time.

So we recently built a second floor and I am in the master while H is sleeping in the study. Today he did some laundry and told me specifically that he put it just inside my door, like he didn't want to intrude in my space. All though we have not been together in this room, I still feel like it's ours. Should I tell him it's both of our room and he's more than welcome in it or leave it?

Secondly there is a porch off of the master which is great at night with the heat. Should I invite him out on the porch with me? Or is that pursuing?

Sorry again for the questions.

E

[Matt777]

I wouldn't go around inviting him into "your" space. But you might be outside with the door opened in case he wants to come?

[Elly4]

Thanks, Matt! That's a good compromise.

[Elly4]

Two steps forward, nine steps back...right?

So I came home from GALing tonight and my H took my S to the OW for supper. Just as a reminder I have no proof that anything is going on and that he denies that it is anything more than innocent. And yes, I know not to believe that but without proof or confirmation, I don't know that I can set a boundary even though it makes me uncomfortable when he tells me they went over there for supper.

I know my IC is going to want me to confront him with my feelings, but I think from being on here, I should just continue focusing on myself and my S, right? I know I've brought this up before, but it's not about me that I'm struggling with...it's my S.

My H and I did have a conversation recently where we both agreed if we were dating anyone in the future, our S would be left out of it unless we both agreed. But then I'm not supposed to believe him.

AAAARRRGGGHHHH! I am so confused here!!!