Thanks for your continuing support on my sitch, all positive vibes to you my friend. I can only echo what all the others have said, all changes start with you for you and the kids. If nothing else the last 9 months have helped me get a handle on my depression and move on keeping it on a tightly controlled leash and build my relationship with my son. Even the changes in relationship with w have come from that.
You are doing so well, just keep on keeping on and let w set her mind to doing the same for her. Regardless of who its with you will have happy, fun and warm days believe in that and enjoy the family.
Edz
Last edited by edz; 05/06/1510:48 AM.
M:44, W:46, S:10 M 13 years, T 15 BD:23/7/2014 W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014 My new place: 21/11/2014 W/S back to flat 22/11/2014 W coming closer, talking 4/2015 Piecing 5/2015 Moving in again 6/2015
I replied to your heart-felt post in my thread. Thank you so much.
Hey, would you mind a hug from me? LOL
Please hang in there! You are a wonderful man who so many of us on this forum care deeply about.
Bob
Me:55 yrs/W:51 yrs (has MS) M:14 yrs T:15 yrs No children together--3 each from previous marriages Wife Moved Out: 10/19/14 Wife Filed for Divorce: 10/20/14 Divorce Final: 10/21/15
Hi RD. I hope you are feeling a bit more upbeat - you have lots to be positive about and you also have quite the fan club (granted not on the same level as the cult of 'I agree with Toots' but a fan club none the less ).
How goes the being slightly more distant from your W? What are you planning for your Wednesday GAL?
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
Thanks for the hug Bob. Never refuse a good hug !!!!!
Hi Jim. Thanks for checking in. Not doing well mate. Met L/C last Thursday's and it didn't go well. L/C has met with W recently and is convinced OM is nothing but a friend to W I don't agree so L/C doesn't think she can help me any further because she is giving me advice based on her opinions formed after meeting W . This was tough to hear as L/C has helped me a lot and I have huge respect for her
I have pulled back from W and been out when she's called to house and responded to texts politely but shortly. I was driving home Friday night and got a call from W which I sent to voicemail. I got another 2 mins later so I answered. OM had left his door key at work and asked W to drop it off as she drives past his door to get home. W called to my house to collect D14 and as they set off D14 saw a text from OM about leaving the key in local shop for him to collect. D14 told W to take her back to my house as she wanted nothing to do with OM. W was calling me to explain. I just said drop her home and why did W have to get involved on the one night she has D14. When I got home both Ds were very upset and W was gone. W then called and asked to speak to D14. W was crying I asked D14 to speak to her which she did and W came back and collected D14
When they got to Ws flat D14 told W that she wanted nothing ever to do with OM or Ws friends. W was crying the whole time and told D14 she was just friends with OM and OMs sister. W told D14 that she was incredibly sad and missed her family D14 told her never to mention OM again or D14 and W could not be friends anymore. W promised she wouldn't mention anything again
Jim , all this is head wrecking because W could have dropped off key before collecting D14 and no one would have known. I've given up on the M as I have said before and I'm meeting with solicitor tomorrow's of see how I can remove W from my life. I still love her but I can't see anyway back that we would all be happy with. I will treat her as the mother of my kids deserves to be treated All I want is for her to be out of my life as much as possible. This might mean selling the house and moving to a different area I will see what solicitor advises. I can't go for D because it's a 5 year wait in Ireland. Legal seperation looks like the best option but again I'll wait and see what solicoor has to say.
This is a really hard decision and its against all the advice from my circle of supporters W seems to be completely lost and if I could help her I would Im not sure of Ws response to Solictors letter but it doesn't really matter. I can't live my life like this anymore
Jim , I so admire people who can stand for their M and I wish I had their strength but I dont. My outlook on my future is I will be happy again and I will live a full life. My kids are all important at the moment and I have my business to build back up. I do get sad and lonely and just recently very angry at the waste Maybe this is grieving , maybe not.
about time I come over to you after all the support you've shown in my threads.
Ive said before we need a hand on shoulder icon here!
Sorry to hear about the above, you're being strong for you and the kids and its a horrible situation to be in to feel you cant keep going with a situation. As everyones bored of hearing me say my sitch is different in that there was no third party but the tail end of last year and the begining of this I felt utterly lost and wondered should I just give up and start again, w was showing no signs of contacting me or moving forward.
I know retrospectively she was working through a lot, theres no slam dunk to my sitch, could all still fly apart but we're talking and moving and I know now what she was thinking in those times I thought there was little to no hope. In short if you want to stop for you and the kids because thats what you need or you need to move in another direction and cant until you do then you should but be wary of that fatigue and tiredness that creeps over when you're standing or actively trying to be the one who has hope for the relationship.
In my case I needed a hell of a lot of work on me both for me and for any hope of my m and I hope Ive at least made a good start on that. Your case is different but it may be that w is lost and is trying to find herself and where she wants to be but ultimately thats something she needs to do.
Maybe a solicitors letter will be a reminder of what else she stands to lose and may facilitate changes? Either way given all the work, effort and love youve poured into the sitch and your family mate you should do whats right for you and them, we're all here for you.
Cheers
Edz
M:44, W:46, S:10 M 13 years, T 15 BD:23/7/2014 W/S Moved to MIL: 23/7/2014 My new place: 21/11/2014 W/S back to flat 22/11/2014 W coming closer, talking 4/2015 Piecing 5/2015 Moving in again 6/2015
Thanks Edz. Appreciate the support mate Solicotors letter will be re the legal seperation and I believe the court date will be included. I'm not trying influnce W one way or the other. Just trying to get this done asap so W , kids and I can all move on and deal with the fact that M is now over officially I see a lot of short term sadness for kids but they will be able to deal with something concrete and start to grieve and then live their new lives. Your own sitch has been inspiring and I always smile when I think of the day you tell S. Wonderful !!!
RD I'm happy you are at least talking to the solicitor. Something has to be done to shake up your such as its not working for any of you. Brave move. Good job.
RD I couldn't help but thinking about your sich as I was at the gym this morning. And I don't understand where your LC is coming from. Who cares if OM is just a friend, your W's relationship with him has interfered with your M and with her parenting. It could be anything, a PA, an EA, an online shopping habit, a bottle of rum, an obsession with spin class. Until it goes, there can be no restoration.
I know you admire LC and I'm sorry she feels like she can't help you anymore, that must feel like a loss in and of itself. I hope you can find someone else that you admire as much to help you on the next part of the journey.
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