I cant express how thankful I am to you guys- but thank you for your support.
She didnt leave Saturday. She just left. An hour ago. Its so painful and feels like BD all over again, down to my dog sitting and waiting by the front door for her to come home.
It was so sad when she left. Everyone (me and her) was crying and hugging each other. She just kept saying that she wasn't ready to come here, and that so much has changed- she's angry, frustrated, mad, sad, upset, everything. She keeps saying she doesnt know what to do or what she is going to do.
She's got a long drive back but I cant seem to pick up the pieces right now. Its sad when you start crying your eyes out but you stop because you realize no one can hear you, so whats the point.
I feel completely lost right now, that for a fleeting second she was back in the house again. But you all said it before she came home, that she wasn't ready, its too soon. Well, you were all right- I think I knew it deep down, but thought that once she got here, we would power through it. I guess that didnt happen.
I really don't know what to do now. Ive been advised to possibly go dark or to continue to be friendly with her if she wants that. Quite honestly? I don't think either one makes a difference because in the end, its up to them to figure this out. As long as Im not an [censored], i don't think it matters how i act.
She will continue to avoid problems and think about them for a short period of time before she gets tired of them and idk. Who knows what she will do or think about.
Im just trying to scrape myself off the floor. I wish I had a good friend in this area but I don't. Ive only been here 4 months. I am just so lonely again. I wish this would all just go away.
ME: 28 W: 24 M: 2.5yrs T: 5yrs BD: 22 SEP 14 W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
My thoughts are with you... I fully sympathize with what you're going through.
Everyone here on the boards are great people. But I know how you feel with wanting to talk to someone face to face too. For new friends, check out meetups in the area as 1 idea. You might find something you're interested in. There are also divorce support/care groups you might be able to find in the area too.
Take every day a little bit at a time and one day at a time. It does get easier. The first step is the hardest.
You will get through this.
Me: 45 W43 S7, Foster S9 (Planning to adopt post divorce) D mentioned Feb 2015, Wife served 3/24/2015. She moved out 4/15/2015.
TLEE, I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. As you say, it sounds like it was too soon. But I do feel there are some positive signs for your sitch. She is clearly upset, confused, emotional, mad, sad. And none of those things are a) decision made or b) indifferent.
It may be best to give yourself a little space and time. Try and focus on what you need and not what may help your sitch. I also think Sherman's suggestion of a local support group is a good one. That would maybe help you connect locally with some supportive people. It's hard when you are new to an area, and you'll get there. It just takes a little while to reach out and get to know people. Do you have some activities that you do already there?
Keep posting TLEE. Your sitch is still relatively new. Wonka always says that hardly any sitches resolve within the first nine months. Take care (((TLEE)))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hang in there buddy, you are not alone. We are all friends here. You will not find a greater bunch of people anywhere and we understand, we really do...
Just feeling stressed and broken beyond belief. Ive taken a couple days off work but i don't even know if thats helping or hurting me.
I can barely get off the couch. Yes, I know I have to but you know what, its my couch and Ill sit there if i want to.
W texted me yesterday saying sorry and she's worrying about me etc etc and then proceeded to tell me about how she doesnt like the hotel she's staying in.
I just replied that I didnt know what to say to her. But proceeded to call her today (yea i know wrong move) and we got into an hour long conversation about our M. It didnt go anywhere. Just in circles. I knew she wasn't ready to talk about the M. But I did it anyways because its what I wanted.
Seems to be a reoccurring pattern. I do what I want. Still. Even after W left me. 7 months later. I still do what I want to do and whatever makes me feel better.
She came here, because I wanted her to. It was her choice, but i still pushed it. Why am I so dumb. I had her calling me all the time and texting me daily. Yet I push things too quickly and now its awkward. I completely disagree with what she's doing and where she's staying but I always push things way too quickly because its what I, ME, T wants. Not necessarily what she wants.
What now? Just bite my tongue at everything until I get us back to talking again. If she's had enough well, I can only hope and pray that she doesnt end things. Idk. I just do things when I want, how I want. And it doesnt work. When will this get through my thick head. IT DOESNT WORK IN RELATIONSHIPS OR MARRIAGES. ONLY IN WORK. I CANT TREAT MY WIFE LIKE A SOLDIER. She's my wife.
I hate myself right now
ME: 28 W: 24 M: 2.5yrs T: 5yrs BD: 22 SEP 14 W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
Sorry, this sounds so rough, and for good reasons. You're amongst your peers here as we have felt the same. Thanks for sharing.
My best friend is helping me stay on the DB path. I've explained the method to him and gave him the link to my threads. He's read the vets, etc. The board is fine, but we're just black letters on a white background and we might not be there at exactly the right time, or perhaps you'll need to speak, or just have a presence. It's good to have a person, close and nearby, to keep us disciplined. I trust this friend very much, for some 25 years, and I run a lot of my ideas by him. I hope you can find someone near you. Someone who will be detached like us, but also invested in your success.
It seems like this idea of self-control is crucial to your sitch and life. We talked about your changes before, about your behavior in the M, now the not-so-DB actions and words. You probably shouldn't rely on sheer will to control your behavior and impulses. There might be deeper things that you need to resolve so that these impulses are not as strong. An avenue for you to explore.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Do I just let her go? Reading Zelda's thread...just...I am that H. That horrible H that did those things to my W. How can I blame her for leaving me. She made her mistakes, yes, but there are so many things I wish I could take back. I don't understand how I could do those things...and this is the person that I love? How could I do those things...
She's back in TN now...and wanting to start school online and get a job again. The job scares me. It just ties her down more. Yes she can always quit...but should I be happy that she wants to work? Or should I be scared because it just ties her down to that place.
We havent talked much.. she just let me know she got in safely...Idk...
I don't know what to do about my own job. My career is on the fast track and I am being given alot of opportunities right now. But I don't want any of them. This job is a constant reminder of pain because of everything I did and sacrificed to get here. But I sacrificed my M to get here. I have about 1 month to decide if I want to take this next step in my career or if I want to get out and move on. I just don't know. I said I would do this job until it didnt make me happy anymore. And its not making me happy. I just don't know.
Maybe I should just let her go completely...set her free because Im the cause of all her pain.
ME: 28 W: 24 M: 2.5yrs T: 5yrs BD: 22 SEP 14 W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
