Show me somebody who never makes mistakes with this stuff...we've ALL been there.
Pros- She initiated the contact, showed warmth, put down her 'knives'.
Cons- Long (heavy) talk about the relationship and the future.
Relationship talk is not your friend right now.
*Disengage. *Detach. *Act lovingly indifferent. *It's okay to be in a holding pattern until you figure out your next move.
I know I sound like a broken record but I can't help but think if you got your hands on DR you'd see why all this advice is good, not from me but from MWD.
Well, I think I have really blown things up now. We had an appointment to go to and she agreed to ride with me but was afraid that I was going to talk about our marriage and make her anxious before our meeting. I told her I wouldn't talk about the marriage on the way to the appointment. I did well and she spent most of her time talking about new work stuff she is hoping to do.
On the way back from the appointment, we talked about the relationship and she became very frustrated, ultimately telling me that she wants a real separation. I asked her what that means to her and she said for me to leave her alone. To stop all the questions. She says that she feels all of my questions are only to make me feel better and reassure me. She stated that her individual counselor told her that we shouldn't be going to marriage counseling yet and that she wasn't going to the appointment we scheduled for next week. She normally hugs me and kisses me when we depart from each other but when I asked this time, she said not this time. I asked her if we still had a chance and she said that she doesn't know.
I truly feel like she knows that we are going to divorce and she is just trying to stretch it out. I have no idea what to do or how to feel. I am going to try and follow what you said RealMe. I'm going to look for the book.
It's certainly not OVER because of one thing. But she's asking for time and for space. And you HAVE to give it right now. Reread Sandi's rules. You can't try to force physical interactions or relationship status checks and such.
I know it's hard and I'm going through the same things right now. But I know this is the only chance I have to save my M. And I know I will come out of it a better person and ready to be a better husband...to whomever it will be.
She says in divorce busting introduction that in extreme cases that the relationship should end. My wife states that our situation is extreme. Would the author agree and should I just give up?
If you want to stay merried, DONT GIVE UP. Divorce takes time. And M's there's plenty of it for your W to change her mind. Focus on you and you can't lose.
Cadet, I feel like I can't breathe. This lack of contact with her makes me very afraid and all I can think is the worst. I don't know how to get rid of that.
