Old dog seeks new trick 13

[Vanilla]

Would air Bnb help at all?

Try googling airbnb I have a chum who used to work there and they do holiday lets etc.

Regards


V

[Old Dog]

raliced - yes, it does cut both ways. I do want to sell as well though and she has said she's not out to screw me financially ... But don't believe what they say etc

V - AirBnB would be a good idea, but it's unfurnished.

I guess I'm going to have to have an email exchange with WW at the very least.

I'm back with my lovely boys now after another flippin' stressful journey. My nice new car definitely dies want to leave East Sussex as it did the same thing as before. I took it to the man who cleared the diagnostic error light but it'll have to go in again to find out the cause. I did a age to drive up here but I was two and half hours late.

The boys like it though and came out to see it I the dark. S12 operated the soft top button and we decided to go out in it tomorrow for a spin.

Ah the therapeutic powers of my boys are wonderful. I felt increasing stress and anger as I approached the house especially as I passed through the town where OM works, but when I got here (I can't call it home any longer), they made me feel OK. I miss them so much ... and my old wife.

[Old Dog]

Having said that (above) though, this morning I am sad and depressed, angry and immobilised. That Kübler Ross curve in a couple of hours. Crying over the washing up, feeling rage at the injustice of it all and slumped in a pit of depression.

I hate this house (where my kids & WW live). It's never been my home apart from a couple of months over three years ago. It's too small, too cold, right next door to a church who spend three hours every Sunday morning disturbing me (sorry religious folk, but it does), far too expensive and most of all where bomb day happened.

Why am I still, after 11 months, at the mercy of these stupid thoughts and feelings? When will it ever end? I am trying to get on and get some sort of life but this **** is never ever far from my mind and can ruin any occasion at any time.

Vent vent.

[gan]

((OD)) I would find it hard going back to the site of BD, too. I've since moved but even when I am driving near there I can feel the emotions coming on. Actually we had a long weekend over here last weekend and there is a particular thing we do on that weekend - and I couldn't even stand seeing the ads for it because it brought back feelings around BD. Around this time last year my H announced he wanted to separate and within 4 weeks he was gone.

So how to deal with it? I know you do a bit of mindfulness. One technique I've been learning lately is called noting - where you simply put a label on whether it is a thought or a feeling that has got you distracted from the task at hand and then refocus on what you were doing. I think it could be quite useful. Maybe you want to check it out?

[Maybell]

OD, read my timeline. You'll get there.

I understand it's Winston Churchill who said when you're going through hell, keep going.

[rd500]

Hi OD. I feel your pain. Can you and boys go and do something for the day to get your mind off it for a while ?

It's a very tough road and the horrible part is you have to travel it. It's near impossible to imagine but you will be happy again. You are out and about with dancing You have a life and most important you have your boys in your life. At times it might not seem enough but it's more than a lot of people get

You will get through this OD Take care. Rd

[LisaB]

OD, sending hugs your way. I second what gan said. I too feel uneasy now because it is the same time of year as last year when the s..t started to hit the fan. Recurring holidays and the like are reminders of what we were doing last year when I started to sense something was wrong, and watching him flirt with OW in front of me, feeling very unhappy and confused, and then BD.

If I still lived in the same house I think I'd probably have adapted to the location by now but we both moved. Locations where we went around BD still have negative associations for me. So I get why you would feel uncomfortable at the house. You aren't there full time and thus able to adapt. It still feels fresh.

I do what gan said, when I am reminded due to the date or location I try to refocus on something else.

I hope you are feeling stronger.

Hugs to you!
Lisa B

[Old Dog]

gan - thanks for the noting suggestion. It sounds like a step further forward from mindfulness where instead of just watching your thoughts, you box them up.

I feel as though I'm doing everything wrong at the moment. I'm getting caught up with negative thinking which spirals out of control at times, and with so many triggers around its hard to step back and just watch.

Today was again frustrating, waiting for S15. As he is confined to home during his convalescence, a highlight of his week was a friend coming to visit which meant today was a write off until around 6pm

I'm not doing any household chores as I don't see it as my responsibility any longer I f I'm 'forced' out of the family home. So it's now more difficult to occupy my time. I did spend at least an hour trying to get my satnav to accept petrol stations with LPG. Nope, not for you matey, you can't have it.

At last though we put the top down on the car and drove round to see my mum and brother and things have improved. It's bad when silently seething is your baseline.

V - good old Sir Winston, the force behind Gallipoli where they did indeed go through hell and ... hmmmm, maybe that's not the best example.

rd - yes, that's the thing. Doing things to take you mind off it. Being with others helps. My boys are great ... But like most teenagers, they do spend rather a lot of time lounging around in bed all morning and with their noses in computer games.

I know it's a long hard road and one day I will crest the summit, I just hope that summit isn't Beachy Head.

Lisa - thanks Lisa. My mood was yoyo-ing every weekend as I went back to the 'family' home. It's now every fortnight, and even though WW is away when I'm there, the whole place just stinks of bad connotations. I'm so glad to get out. Now that I'm at my mums, I can see that more clearly.

I'm sorry you're also reminded of last year. It's coming up to our first anniversary on June 1st. I'm considering writing something on the calendar, or perhaps getting a card. Something vindictive and derogatory*. What do you think?

* [alarm]joke alert[/alarm]

[LisaB]

HAHA Old Dog! Good idea. I'm going to join you and do the same.

"Dear WAH,
I just realized it has been almost one year since you started lusting after that hot girl at the office and treating me like trash. Happy anniversary! Hope you enjoy this gift I got you to celebrate. It's a fancy body wash from Paris. Don't mind the nasty smell as you rub it all over your face, body and hair. Don't be alarmed as your skin turns lumpy and green and your hair all falls out. Put some on your teeth too. Girls love it! You'll get more dates.
Hugs and kisses, LisaB"

[gan]

gan - thanks for the noting suggestion. It sounds like a step further forward from mindfulness where instead of just watching your thoughts, you box them up.

No not boxing. Just acknowledging and moving on. You already acknowledge that they aren't serving you well ("I'm getting caught up with negative thinking which spirals out of control at times"). In the Headspace series, the technique is incorporated into the series called "Anxiety." He suggests that labelling thoughts or feelings as just that, brings a bit more distance to them so we don't feel quite so controlled by them. Google "noting meditation."