Can it be another round?

[LouR]

Ha ha ha - at least it wasn't a mankini !!!

[BrightFuture]

Wonka, thanks. I will try to keep it in mind. I almost can “feel” H’s depression sometimes, but his façade fools me very often. Yes, I think he is not ready to deal with whatever misery he has inside. I think this woman is there to keep him from being alone, because he is trying to avoid facing his issues at any cost. I bet he thinks that he doesn’t have any issues. Maybe he needs to fall on his face really hard…

Lou, you just never know what is coming next, LOL.

[job]

Bright,
I agree w/Wonka on the fact that they can and do compartmentalize their lives. They wear masks and the façade of happiness comes and goes, especially around certain people. Don't be fooled by the "happiness" that he is displaying. He's depressed and the drinking is telling quite a bit, as well as the woman.

When you read up on depression, you need to pay close attention to depression in men. Depression can take all forms, it's not just about laying around, looking sad and not doing stuff. Depression comes in many forms and the depression that women and men experience can be very different. Don't assume that he's happy...he's not. Why? Because when he's alone, especially at night, the demons come calling and that's when he has the most time to think about things, i.e., without any distractions. They don't sleep well unless medicated.

As for three years leading up to his replay, well, I think his journey was a very slow one starting out and now he's going to be exhibiting quite a bit of replay, i.e., see what he's purchased already? He wouldn't be caught dead in citrus color swim trunks before the crisis. However, now, he's going to wear all sorts of things and do some things that you know weren't his style pre-crisis. They have to experiment and sometimes the things they were look very stupid to us, but to them, they are the cat's meow! LOL!

So, knowing that he's experimenting life as a re-born teenager, pull up a chair, sit back and enjoy your popcorn. The parade is about to start and it's going to have a lot of twists and turns along the route.

[BrightFuture]

So, I read about depression in men.

Here are a couple of things that are so true and fit H.

Men in depression “feel hopeless, helpless, or overwhelmed by despair", "tend to deny it or cover it up by drinking too much, behaving recklessly, or exploding with anger. “

And another one: “physical symptoms that often accompany depression, such as back pain, headaches, difficulty sleeping, or sexual problems.”

I think this started a couple of years before the BD. Does it mean that H’s been in this depressive state for a least 5 years by now? Ouch.

So, I had this feeling yesterday that it is time for H to contact me for whatever reason. And, today, I was driving home from work, thinking about some things from the past, then thinking about H’s recent “adventures”, and then about how I don’t want to be in R with him right now or maybe ever. Because I don’t want to feel the same again. Feel like he’s been always hiding something from me, or not telling me the truth, and how I was jealous of his secret contacts with his former or new women-friends, and the male friends as a matter of fact. It is like H was leaving me out of his “other” life. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I thought that I really should put an end to this sitch.

So, when I got home, my phone beeped with a text message. It was H asking me in a very polite manner if I’m planning to go to the vacation home next weekend, because he has a friend who wants to use it. He asked me to “please” let him know.

I replied back telling him that I’m not planning on going next weekend, but I’m going for a Memorial Day weekend. I put a smiley face at the end to indicate how happy I am about it.

He responded with thanks and asking me if my son is going too. Then he tells me that he has “buggy worked on!” (his sand rail over there)

I replied that I’m not sure if my son is going, and it could be decided at the last moment. And that I will let my son know about the buggy, so maybe it will inspire him to go. And I put a bigger smiley face at the end, LOL. Crickets after that...

So, here we go… He is getting his buggy ready. I guess he regained his interest in it. He was so excited when got it 2 ½ years ago, then he lost all interest. And now it is back in the picture. I wonder if he is planning to ride it with this crazy woman, hehe.

Or, he told me this with the thoughts of my son, who likes to drive it...

I’m so confused. If he is in Replay, which I thought started 3 years ago, then he is a lot nicer this time. Addressing me by name, asking about me using the condo, giving me some “extra” information.

Ok, got to go back to read more about depression…

[job]

Bright,
I'm glad to see that you are reading up on depression. Sounds like he's trying to work w/you on the vacation home dates. That's a start in the right direction. It sounds like whatever anger he had during the first portion of his crisis has finally settled down.

As for replay, it can take many shapes and the duration can either be short on lengthy. In your h's case, it's lengthy...but I still think it was a very slow entrance into his crisis and w/him being gone a lot, it gave him more time to "think" about things before he finally took off into his crisis.

Continue to read up on male depression. I think you'll discover more info that will fit some of what your h is going through.

[BrightFuture]

H just replied to my text “Cool!”. ??? It’s midnight where he is. And it is almost 10 pm here. ??? And this is something different… He felt that he needed to reply, I guess. Normally he would ignore… Just weird…

[BrightFuture]

Realized this morning that H's reply was probably for somebody else. He might have sent this to me by mistake.

[job]

I don't think his response was for anyone else. It was for you and yes, they do use the term "cool" for many responses, i.e., just like teenagers. I can still remember my xh using the word "cool" for everything and I thought to myself, is there not another word in his vocabulary that he could be using besides the word "cool".

Life continues to move forward and as I always point out...knowledge is power. Continue moving forward.

[Mighty]

Hahahaha!!! Xh texts "cool" all the time! He texts it to my kids, especially when they don't respond! He will say "cool" hours later!

And Bright... I feel ya with the replay confusion. Xh going back to hww... well I know replay isn't the kicks and giggles... more like shitz and diapers. Can't imagine how fun that is. Me, on the other hand... I'm living more of the bachelor life than him! Ha!

But, I don't know how things can play out for him with more responsibility, more of a tight rope, being more controlled, more stress, more kids.... ugh. No fun.

Truthfully, Bright. I think they come to their senses a little bit more as far a how they treat lbs. (Some, anyway). Once they realize they aren't at battle with the lbs, bc the lbs hasn't battled back, and it's all on them, they become nicer. But, they are still in a period of seeking happiness. They have yet to figure that part out. Just a hunch.

[BrightFuture]

Job, Mighty, thanks. The word “cool” has been in H’s vocabulary forever. I use it too, I guess I copied it from him at some point. Plus, in my part of the country, it is quite common, just like “dude”.

Me, on the other hand... I'm living more of the bachelor life than him! Ha!

You go, girl! And I completely agree with this:

But, I don't know how things can play out for him with more responsibility, more of a tight rope, being more controlled, more stress, more kids.... ugh. No fun.

No fun indeed… Can’t even imagine what kind of life is that for him.

Yes, H is still trying to figure things out…

So, the recent development. He ordered an iPad !!! And from where !!! From Walmart !!! The store he would never be found in any close proximity to, according to what he said before. Even our mutual friends at the vacation home knew not ask him to buy anything for them from this store, because he would never go in there. He had this principal for a long time.

And an iPad !!! WOW!!! He is on the roll. I can’t wait for what is coming next.

I guess he wants the pictures of that crazy woman and her boobs in pick bra, on a bigger scale, LOL.

I’ve been reading a lot about the depression and thinking some about all these new things H is doing. I have some interesting thoughts on this. Maybe all these new things, like buying citrus color swim trunks, shopping at Walmart, buying smart phone (a few months ago), joining the FB, etc. are not that bad after all. Maybe it is new H that is coming out of the shell he’s been in for all these years. It always amazed me how H was so adamant about certain things and had these strict principles that he followed. I think it was some kind of protective mechanism that he developed from his teenage years, after the D of his parents.

Maybe now he is getting out of his shell and exploring the things that are normal for other people. Maybe he will no longer stubbornly stick to his decisions and will reconsider some of them . You see where I’m going with this, LOL. NOT. I don’t want to put anything into this in terms of renewed hope or anything (even though it tries to creep inside ), I will keep doing what I’m doing, moving forward. It is just so interesting to watch now.

Well, there is more I want to say, but just cannot gather my thoughts at this time.