Ripken - LRT with a WW and divorce filed #2

[Ripken8]

I can do that - however, that would be outlined in a separation agreement that our attorneys would draw up. Pretty much already in place based on how she filed. But, my attorney would counter with me paying much less $$ than she's asking for

[Ripken8]

So talked with my attorney. WW is NOT accusing or saying rape or safety concerns. Was just a general "would be easier" if I was out of the house and she did it at time of filing before telling me of divorce or affair and was scared how I would react.

Her L is saying she may be open to having me stay or she might want to leave herself. I don't want to be in that house anymore, so I will have convo with WW tonight of my decision.

[Ripken8]

Just glad I don't have to worry about her accusing me of something that didn't happen and how messy that could have been. Not sure any relationship with her would have been able to recover from that.

[Cadet]

So talked with my attorney. WW is NOT accusing or saying rape or safety concerns. Was just a general "would be easier" if I was out of the house and she did it at time of filing before telling me of divorce or affair and was scared how I would react.

Her L is saying she may be open to having me stay or she might want to leave herself. I don't want to be in that house anymore, so I will have convo with WW tonight of my decision.

Of course it would be easier for HER!

I really think she should leave.

[Ripken8]

If she leaves, that's the worst thing for me. I don't want the house, I don't want the triggers, the extra cost, the location, the memories/hurt, etc. While she is out enjoying life in a new place, with a fresh start and OM.

She can sit and deal with everything in that house. I'm using the move and new place to GAL!

[Winhamn]

So you've decided for sure to move out?

My wife is also pushing the "Boy it'd be easier if you'd leave already..." bit too.

Like you, I don't want the house (although for different reasons) so I recognize that leaving will eventually happen for me, but I'm personally not in any hurry to do it.

I'm conflicted about whether staying in the house is better or worse for the possibility of future reconciliation. I'm inclined to think it's better to stay.

[Ripken8]

That's what everyone is saying but I just don't see how. Plus she's not of the opinion of "it'd be easier if u move out". It's pretty much only one of us is going to live here, her or me and I don't want to. Doesn't look like staying in the same house is really an option at this point. So I'm to understand that me staying and being stuck in a place I don't want while she chooses and gets what she wants in freedom and a new place is better than me leaving because it commands more respect?

I don't get that. I think it's just as much if not more respect to say I can't take this and need to do what's best for me and make the decision and take control to leave.

Also if she has the house she'll be more financial strapped and have more responsibilities with property you own than renting a place. Another way for her to see grass isn't always greener.

[Wonka]

Rip,

I always tell newbies to STAY in the MBR and the house because the W'AS is the one who is unhappy and not force you out of the house because they're unhappy. It's incredibly unfair to the LBS. It should be on THEM to move out if they're "stressed" out....it is their problem, not yours.

[Ripken8]

Wonka, I get it. However, even if we do reconcile, I don't know how I can do it in that house. Too many bad memories and I'm now moving out and separating for the second time.

I really didn't even want to start over when we reconciled the first time in the house, but it was something she wanted so I made it work.

Me being in a place I never wanted seems more unfair to me. Besides, I'm ALSO stressed out - not just her.

[Ripken8]

Signed the lease and told my ww I'm moving out 5/23. At first she was pissed thinking I would leave her with no money each month and she would be screwed. That can't be the case as I will have to compensate her something. She wanted to have a conversation that it's not easy for her to not have me wanting to be her friend and have little to no interaction. I told her every time I slip into one of those modes because it feels comfortable, I hate myself and wonder why I didn't have enough self respect to back down and move on.

We did agree to communicate more on finances, the separation and get the boys in counseling and how to talk to them. Custody is worked out well, so that was positive and did it without fighting.

However, she still is doing her affair, even at the cost of no relationship with me and I am starting to be less anxious about it. My indifference towards her and who/what she does is growing.